71. My Maine Birth: A Maine Hospital Birth Followed by a Maine Home Birth with care from Sacopee Valley Birthing Services, Alexandra’s Story
Alexandra: 0:00
Don't forget about the postpartum. Look into the fourth trimester. Don't ignore that part. We put so much focus on pregnancy and birth. Whether you're planning a hospital or home or whatever, you think so much about the birth. You do the birth classes, you do all that. You might even do a newborn care class. I did a newborn care class and I did not know a single thing about postpartum. I think, like before you go through it, you have this expectation of what bounce back culture kind of tells us you have the baby and you go on with your life right, and that's not it. Your body has a lot of healing to do. Your hormones have a lot of regulating to do. There's so much that your body needs to do and you have to nourish your body to do those things. Don't leave that part out.
Angela: 0:54
It's important to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real-life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, from our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births. Every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Today's birth story guest is Alexandra, and she shares about her two main birth stories. The first was in a hospital and during that experience she ended up getting an epidural that she regretted.
Angela: 1:45
Because of that first experience, she knew early in her pregnancy with her second that she wanted to birth at home. She admits that she didn't know a lot about home birth or birth in general, even though she had already been through one experience, but she trusted her intuition and switched her care to Sakopi Valley Birthing Services. She spent her second pregnancy diving into the absolute miracle of what physiological birth is all about, and she was amazed at what she learned. Her second baby was born just recently at home, with just her, her husband, her mother-in-law and her amazing team of midwives. Hi, alex, welcome to my Main Birth.
Alexandra: 2:30
Hi. So thank you, thank you for having me.
Angela: 2:34
Yeah, thank you for taking the time to chat with me. So to jump right into it, will you start by sharing a little bit about you and your family, by sharing a little bit about you and your family.
Alexandra: 2:44
Yeah, so we're now a family of four. So I have my son is gonna be three in a month, he'll be three in the beginning of April and she was just born. So it's just me and my husband and these two. We have a little farm, dogs and cows, and actually we had five baby cows this winter. So it was kind of funny. Like every time a new calf was born I would go out and be like I'm going to do it too, mama. It was really cool in a way. They kind of like inspired me to do the whole natural thing because they were, they just did it every time. They just did it and they never needed any help.
Alexandra: 3:22
When I had her, I went out too and I was like, look, I did it. But that's really us, we're really lucky. We have a lot of family right around. We live kind of in the same spot as my mother-in-law and father-in-law. So that was last minute, but she ended up coming to the birth of Olivia. We didn't plan that because our first priority was her having my older son and he ended up being at daycare. So we called her last minute and we're like hey, the midwives are going to be at the house. Uh, we just need some help with the dishes, we need help cleaning up, and we were just going to kind of take it as it went, but I ended up having her very quickly, so she was there for it and that was really really cool.
Angela: 4:06
Wow. So to back up just a little bit, will you share about when you found out you were pregnant for the first time, Because you had a hospital birth with your first right?
Alexandra: 4:18
Yeah, I was terrified of birth and I was intrigued by home birth, but it just didn't feel like it was for me. It was just like no, that's for like I don't know. It was for other women, it wasn't for me. I didn't think that I could do that and I was also. I was terrified it was. I didn't know anything about birth. It was like this has to come out of me. I've always been squeamish about it. I fainted in health class when they were talking about episiotomies. I fainted. I fell on the floor.
Angela: 4:54
So oh my gosh, they talked about episiotomies in your health class.
Alexandra: 5:00
Yeah, I think I think her method was to try to scare everyone out of getting pregnant. I think I think that was the method there. But I, yeah, she said, alexandra, you look a little white. And I just remember being like everyone turned to me at the same time that I dropped. So that was fun, so I was scared of it and so I went with York Hospital because they had like midwives in the birthing center and it felt like a middle ground. Then I felt like, well, I guess I'll get to the birth after, but it felt like a middle ground. I was like that, I feel safe there, so that works and I just went with it. I didn't put much more thought into it than that.
Angela: 5:40
So was there a midwife group there? Did you go with the obstetricians?
Alexandra: 5:45
so was there a midwife group there? Did you go with the obstetricians? Yeah, there was a midwife group, but you had to have the baby like Monday through Friday, nine to five, to get the midwives, of course. I mean, I had him on a Saturday so I didn't get any of the midwives I was familiar with. I ended up with one of the obstetricians that actually I had never seen through my pregnancy. I only knew him because I had, like, had a pap from him at some point in the past. So I met him before, but he definitely was a new face, not someone I knew. He was great.
Alexandra: 6:16
I have no complaints about him. I have no complaints about anything about how the birth went. I just felt like there was this constant. I had a very low risk, very healthy pregnancy and I felt like there was just this constant waiting for me to be sick, waiting for something to be wrong with the pregnancy to get any kind of care. I just felt really defeated. Every time I would go in, it'd be a really quick appointment, I would list off what I was experiencing. I'd get normal, normal, normal, normal, bye, and I just felt very lost through the whole thing. Even though it was healthy, it was low risk. I felt lost and the birth went the same way it was. I didn't need any interventions, so I was just, I was by the time.
Angela: 7:01
By the time anyone came in the room, I was ready, he was ready to be born, to share a little bit more about your pregnancy and birth experience. Your first time around. Did you do any testing? Did you do any ultrasounds?
Alexandra: 7:20
I did. Yeah, both times I did everything that was recommended. I did the ultrasounds we wanted to find out the gender. I didn't do I think I skipped a lot of the genetic testing, like the blood work genetic testing, but I did all those all the pregnancy ones, the gestational diabetes and, yeah, I didn't anything that was recommended.
Angela: 7:46
I didn't skip. So then going in to birth.
Alexandra: 7:50
Can you kind of just walk me through sort of the things that happened in that experience? Sure, the first time I had an appointment on Friday and I had been feeling like I was done for a few days at that point. I had just been feeling like I can't do this for a long time and I think I was having a lot of just like getting ready for labor, feelings and pains and whatever she's like. Well, do you want to be checked? I was like sure. So I was about three centimeters dilated and she took one look at me and said you're having a baby this weekend. We made an appointment for me to be induced the following Tuesday if I did. But she was pretty confident that I was having a baby. I did the membrane sweep. So she asked if I wanted that. I was like, yeah, I had done my research about that.
Angela: 8:40
I felt really confident about it, so I said yes and contractions started on the way home, literally on the way home, and I had him the next day. So it was. It was yeah, oh my gosh, that's cool how it picks up so fast right yeah, it was crazy with him, my first.
Alexandra: 9:04
it was the first contraction that I felt on the way home. I said that was a contraction, like when you know, you know, and I know that was a contraction. It was different than what I'd been feeling, didn't feel like a Braxton Hicks. There was something productive feeling about it, like I felt like something actually was moving in my body which was the muscles, right, oh, it was starting to pull apart. So, um, yeah, that was that was cool.
Alexandra: 9:31
I labored at home until the next day. I was just we did the the night as usual. It kind of stayed very, very much early labor. I didn't even say to my husband that I thought it was going to be it because I was just he's very much and he was through the second one too. If I say anything, he's like but do you know? And I'm like, well, no, do we ever? No, I don't know. I don't know if this is going to be it. So I remember just like kind of keeping quiet about it. We went to bed. I slept through, tossed and turned all night, um, but definitely felt like, yeah, this is probably it.
Alexandra: 10:15
I got up at about four 30 and I didn't want to go to the hospital. I just did not want to go. I watered all my plants, I made us a whole like full breakfast. Um took a shower, finally, woke him up and was like, take a shower, pack a bag, we're going to eat and we're going to the hospital. And he was still like but do you know? You know? And um, yeah, so the hospital was an hour away and we kind of started to pull in and I said no, I don't want to go to the hospital, I don't want to go and just keep driving. He's like you want me to keep driving? Like I'm, I'm contracting, I'm not comfortable, you know, I'm contracting in the car. That is so uncomfortable. So I was like no, just keep driving, I don't want to go. He kept driving. We got like a mile down the road. I'm like, turn around. We got to go to the hospital. Now we ended up getting there about seven 30 in the morning and I was about six centimeters dilated.
Alexandra: 11:18
They. I got in the bath there and I loved being in the bath. Like that felt so good, I was so calm. I remember telling my husband just talk to me about the things that I love. And he talked to me about my dog and he was like kind of I could see him like grasping for things. He's like flowers, you know gardening, because I do love to garden. He was so great.
Alexandra: 11:41
But then when I stood up I wanted to stay in the tub. I really did and but you can't, you, you can't do that. They tell you you know you can't. And I had the IV port and I started to just feel like I needed, I need to move. I'm ready to move. This tub is like I want to stay in the water so bad. But the tub is, it's a regular size tub. It was constricting and I needed to stay in the water so bad. But the tub is, it's a regular size tub. It was constricting and I needed to put my hands in the water and prop myself up and I couldn't with the IV thing. So I knew I needed to get out.
Alexandra: 12:11
As soon as I got out I stood up, everything shifted and I tried to walk to the bed. I didn't know how to speak up at all. I didn't even know how to speak up to say to my husband you know, I need you to help me walk. I couldn't even say that. So as soon as the nurse came in and I kind of like almost collapsed onto the bed. I got a really huge contraction I hadn't felt one that intense yet and I kind of collapsed onto the bed as she came in and I was, I, panicked. I was so scared. I didn't know what was happening. It was transition and I had no clue. So I said I want the epidural.
Alexandra: 12:47
And I knew I wanted an epidural and it was because I knew I would be scared, and so in my head it was like the epidural is the only way to get that calm birth that I want, right. So she comes running in and I said I want the epidural. She runs right back out to go like order that I feel like I might have that detail like skewed a little bit. She might've at least come over and check. But there was no like she did not check me. She didn't really see where I was at. She just kind of ran back out and went to order. That came back in and asked me if I wanted to be checked. I was nine centimeters dilated and at that point my head was saying like someone just tell me I can do this. If someone just tells me I can do this, I can do this and but as I looked around, it was, it was scary, I was scared. So we ended up.
Alexandra: 13:42
I ended up having the epidural even that far dilated. I sat up through it. I don't know how I did that, but I did and I just wanted it so bad. And as soon as it started coming in, as soon as I started to feel the meds and I lost my contractions, I regretted it immediately. My body was saying it's time to rest, at the same time that the doctors were saying it's time to push. The epidural kicked in, it broke my water. It was time to push. Pushing was excruciating. I still felt all of that and for a while I was like man. If the epidural was actually masking some of that pushing, I can't imagine doing it without it.
Alexandra: 14:24
With my second I learned that, no, it was much worse than my natural, than my unmedicated natural birth. But, yeah, I pushed for a while, um, and kind of started having the. You know heart rate dropping, you know blood pressure, this and all that push. You know you got to do it. And I remember just like feeling like no, I don't want to, I don't, I don't want to push, I don't, I don't want to push. I don't want to do it.
Alexandra: 14:48
It felt like I was going against my body. It felt like I had to, you know, bear down and push and hurt myself because there was no contractions to help me, because the epidural worked, and it worked very well, but there was nothing, nothing to nothing to listen to in my body. And sometimes, even when I could feel a little bit of it and I was looking, I was like I remember closing my eyes and being like my body needs to give me something. And I would be like and I would say, you know, I'm feeling a contraction. Now I would try to do it myself and the nurses would tell me no, not right now. And I just remember it feeling like very chaotic and very. I had no control over anything. So I'm very lucky that it was, you know, just an epidural. We didn't have more interventions than that. But, um, I did tear tore, um, that made recovery a little bit harder.
Alexandra: 15:40
So, looking back, as soon as I was done, I was like I could have done it, and not as soon as I was done. As soon as I was done no, that's amnesia as soon as I was done I was like I'm never doing that again. But the more people I talked to and the more I talked to about epidural versus no epidural and all of this and the more research I did on my own, I realized that a lot of it I probably would have had him. I probably would have had him very quickly. Yeah, and that's what everyone kept saying, Even the midwives. When I told them my first story, I they said you did do it. When I was like I felt like I could have done it, they said you did do it. You went through the, the whole labor, except that last part without it. You did do it. And um, so yeah, when I went to go in my second, I was very much like absolutely not, I will not do that again wow, so did you ended up birthing on your back?
Angela: 16:44
Yes, yeah, yeah. How did the placenta birth happen?
Alexandra: 16:51
Um it? I I don't know. I don't know. I don't remember that part. Yeah, I didn't. That was something new I had to experience with the second one. I don't remember, I don't. I just remember them like kind of starting to take it out of the room and I was like Whoa, whoa, whoa, is that my placenta? Come here, show me that. Um, and they were like okay, and they showed me and I did want to see it. I don't remember birthing it. I don't know if they pushed it out, I don't know, I have no idea.
Alexandra: 17:20
I was cuddling with my baby at that point and, yeah, all was good, but I didn't have any of the like that immediate love, that like immediate flood of emotions. I was just, I was exhausted and just wanted to sleep, but I couldn't. Also, I didn't sleep for days, even though the baby was sleeping. You know it's like the sleepiest time of their life, but I couldn't. Also, I didn't sleep for days, even though the baby was sleeping. You know, it's like the sleepiest time of their life, but I was just wide awake.
Angela: 17:49
How was the rest of your postpartum?
Alexandra: 17:52
Feeding was great with my first. He was an awesome nurser, never had any latch issues, I had a great supply, no complaints. He was very hard to soothe and that kind of theme of the birth like the immediate, not having any flood of emotions and feeling really down, feeling like I couldn't sleep even though I was tired. That went on and I didn't come out of it and I finally I think it was around six or seven months postpartum that I finally had my mental breakdowns and knew I needed to go get help for postpartum depression. I was diagnosed with postpartum OCD because it was all around anxiety and because of the anxiety I developed these rituals to do and I had to do them and it was a long time before I came out. All came out of all of that.
Alexandra: 18:49
My postpartum was really, really rough. Um, he was hard, just, he was a hard to soothe baby. He didn't have tummy troubles, um, but he just he still doesn't sleep. Um, he didn't sleep. It was he. He cried a lot and I felt like I was a failure because I couldn't get him to sleep. You know, I couldn't rock him. He didn't like to be rocked, he didn't like to be shush, he didn't like any of that stuff. So that was really hard on me. I felt like I was doing something wrong. And, yeah, postpartum was really hard. That was one of my. That was my biggest driving force. When we did decide we would have another um was that I wanted. I didn't want to have any medication at birth and I needed to have a good postpartum support set up. We did that this time and it's been a much different experience yeah, that's so important.
Angela: 19:50
It can really make all the difference. Planning for it and being prepared and knowing what to expect all that yeah so now share with me when you found out you were pregnant for the second time and, yeah, your thoughts in choosing your care this time around.
Alexandra: 20:08
Yeah. So when I found out we had been trying and even though I was trying, I was still not really home, birth still really wasn't totally on my radar it wasn't until I went in for that confirmation appointment. You know, you get the pregnancy the positive, and then you go in to do the for them to tell you the same thing. And it was an OB that I had seen many times. I saw him through my first pregnancy. I saw him before my first pregnancy, Someone I was very familiar with. I had all these questions, right. I had like a whole list of questions and I didn't ask him what. I just, I don't know why when I'm in a hospital, when I'm in front of a doctor, I don't speak up. I, I don't, I don't know why, but I had all these questions and I just got nervous of them. I let him have his spiel about what to do, what not to do, and I left. And I left and I just thought to myself I'm not going back. Um, and it was more of a feeling. I didn't know where I was going to birth, I didn't know with who uh wasn't going to be at a hospital, unless it had to be, of course, Um, but I just, I just had this overwhelming feeling like, uh, low risk, healthy pregnancy I don't belong there, Like and and I also had this feeling of there needs to be more space, Like I was wasting space there. Like you know, it kind of all became clear that maybe the doctors do write it Like just they don't have time to give support and care for these low-risk, healthy pregnancies because they have high risk, not healthy pregnancies that are on their mind first and foremost. Um, and that's the way it needs to be. I just really felt like you know what, I'm not going to take up space here, I'm going to leave it for the women who who need it. And you know, we, we have healthcare for a reason and I just I didn't want to be there.
Alexandra: 22:08
I found um Sakape Valley Birthing Services, Sakape Valley and Midwives online and um, I think there was that. And then there was another one I was considering and we, we set up with with the girls at Saucopy Valley and um, we did the first intake and we were like, oh yeah, it just felt right. I mean, we, we absolutely loved her. There's three midwives. We met one and um, we were just, we were we both just felt very comfortable with the whole decision.
Alexandra: 22:41
It wasn't until a few appointments in, one of the midwives asked me like what do you know about home birth? And I was like nothing, completely nothing. And she was like, OK, you got to start doing some research, you got to actually look into this. And I'm like, um, all right, fine. So I did and I'm so glad because I it brought me into the world of like a physiological birth, of of what actually happens.
Alexandra: 23:11
I realized the hospital classes all kind of tuned out at the second phase of labor. You know they tell you labor at home through the early phases, they they really really get that down and then it just becomes this list of what interventions to expect. Uh, that whole last stage of labor where I panicked, I realized I didn't know a thing about. So, reading about and listening about, I listened to a lot of podcasts, podcasts about physiological birth, and like listening to other women's stories, um, for what natural birth felt like and beyond, just oh, it was excruciating or whatever. It's kind of the story. You I feel you get a lot when it's in person, but when you're listening to someone actually share the details, you get a lot, you learn a lot more and it made me really, really confident. I and I, just I just made that my priority through the pregnancy was postpartum support getting a, getting all that and what to actually expect in that last stage of labor.
Angela: 24:22
So how were you feeling during this pregnancy? How is sort of everything going just in general?
Alexandra: 24:30
It was great Kind of. I don't want to jump around too much, but so my first, he was literally known at the midwife's office for being the one that you couldn't find the heartbeat for because he was so active. So the last trimester with him was brutal. I mean he just he beat me up and I I say it now like he started beating me up. I think I felt him kick for the first time at like 16 weeks, which is like unheard of for a first time pregnant person. But he was rough. So you know, I say he started beating me up at 16 weeks and he hasn't stopped. He is a rough kid, he's a rough boy. He is active, yeah, so active Her. I kept saying there's something wrong. There's something wrong because she doesn't move. And they're like she's moving, like you know, we can, we can. She's moving right now and I'm like, no, I don't feel her. I never feel her move. She just she's slept a lot, I guess, and even when she sleeps now that I know her, even when she sleeps she doesn't like kick around, she doesn't flail or move like a lot of newborns do, so she's.
Alexandra: 25:43
It was such a different pregnancy and it was so easy, so much easier. I think because of that. It was easier on my body. I worked. I was not working in the office anymore Like I was with my first. That was hard to sit all day. I started my own business cleaning houses. So I hired a few girls so that I could do the easy work and go in with them and do the easy work and the stuff that I did feel up to. And I worked up until I did a house by myself the Friday before I had her. So Friday, saturday, sunday, 4 days, four or five days before I had her, I was still, you know, being active and cleaning as I felt up for it. I wouldn't advocate for anyone to do that, but I did it as I felt up for it and it was a lot easier just to keep going.
Alexandra: 26:30
In my pregnancy it was a lot easier in my body. All the symptoms were more severe, like everything happened earlier in that sense, and I felt like the anemia. I was anemic with my first but I was more anemic with the second. I had, you know, blood pressure dropping. With my first I had very low blood pressure. That was worse with my second. I had to do a lot more to feel better, but with supplements and making sure I was drinking and eating properly, and I had to work harder at it.
Alexandra: 26:59
But it felt really easy with the care team. I had the midwives. They had advice for everything. I wasn't waiting to be sick to get advice. They had it and their advice worked and I followed it and we ended up. Yeah, so I was anemic with her and you have to be. You have to have a certain level to be approved for home birth if you're anemic, so I was doing so much at the end to try to get that up. Um, and we passed by point one point. Yeah, so we, we passed, we did it, but that was probably that was the word that was the most. With her pregnancy, it really was smooth sailing. I forgot I was pregnant most of the time because I had my toddler to run after and, yeah, I would forget that I was pregnant. I would literally be like, oh, what's that feeling? Oh, my God, yeah, I know I'm pregnant. Um, more than I would like to admit, I forgot she was there because she was just so chill and so in the pregnancy was so easy and I felt really good.
Angela: 28:10
That's awesome. So now tell me about, like, the last few days or weeks like leading up to when your labor started.
Alexandra: 28:25
Totally different than my first. Like I said, with my first, I felt that first contraction and I knew, no, that did not happen. 37 weeks, right on 37 weeks, I was calling the midwife. I think I'm in labor, you know, I think it's happening. She's like, okay, you know, start timing. And I, I, over the next three weeks, I timed and I timed and I paid attention to the patterns and I was so defeated with all of the, the prodromal labor. Sometimes it would have a pattern, sometimes I'd be like, no, this really is it, there really is, they're coming every every so many minutes and you know, and they feel the same and all that, nope, nope, it was three weeks of that and that kind of is why I kept working too. I think I would have gone crazy if I had stayed home, but I was going crazy anyways. So, but it still was the same and in the last few days I felt like I was done. I was just like this needs to be over, I can't do much more of this. Everything kind of started to feel a little bit more intense, like she was pushing down a little bit more. So, yeah, we. So finally, oh, we were like, okay, we're going to try. You know, we're going to try to get her out the same way you get her in.
Alexandra: 29:43
And one night, and then we lost power and we were like all right, not tonight, maybe tomorrow night. So the next night we did and contraction started like almost immediately it was. I checked the time, it was 12.01 am on her due date, and I wasn't going to get my hopes up. No, I was like I'm not convinced. Not convinced, this is it. It's, we've been through this too much. You know, those early stage contractions I've been having for three weeks now. There's no way that this is it, I'm not having her. I went to bed and kind of the same thing with my first. I kind of slept through all those early labor contractions, although I was not tossing and turning. This time I did not. I remember wanting to move. With my first, this one, I was like if I move, I think I'm going to really go into labor. I don't want to do that move. I think I'm going to really go into labor. I don't want to do that. I want to get more sleep, I'm not moving.
Alexandra: 30:42
So when I, when I did wake up for the day, uh, it was a weekday, so you know, we had to, my husband was going to go to work and my son was going to go to daycare and all the things, and, um, I actually planned on working that day because, again, I just couldn't be sitting around the house. So I was going to go out with my girls and do some, do some light cleaning, um, and I remember laying there in bed and kind of waking up and I wasn't moving and I was like, when I stand up, I'm going to know, like I'm going to know as soon as I stand up, if this is real or not. And I stood up, grabbed my phone, made it to the bathroom and called the midwives and I was like, ah, this one is it? This is definitely it. I can't tell you more information than that when she's actually coming, but she is on her way. But I was like, but maybe, just like, I'll give it a few minutes, we'll see how it progresses before you guys actually come, cause I know they're like there were, there were a while away. And then, and one of them, the midwife I was talking to, she's like we're pretty far away, like maybe we should just start coming. And I'm like, nah, I'm going to see how things progress. Okay, I'm like I'll call you back, I promise. So she's like we don't want to miss it.
Alexandra: 31:57
So my son had to go to daycare and I was like I'm not staying home alone, like I'm I'm in labor, you know I'm not staying home, I'm like I'm coming with you, I'm going to come with you. Well, his daycare is like 15 minutes away and because I planned on working that day, I didn't tie up everything at my office. So I'm like, so we drop him off at daycare and I go in with him and I give him a hug, goodbye, and you know, tell him my man is going to pick you up today. Because I knew, I knew it would not be us. And I actually went to the office and I went. I went in and I had I was timing my contractions, I had three contractions.
Alexandra: 32:37
As I was, in the 15 minutes that I was there, called the midwives again on on our way from there to home and told them no, you definitely need to come there. They're only a few minutes apart at this point and like, yeah, this is this, is it? So we got home, and we got home at the same time that the midwives got there. So they didn't listen to me. Now that I'm thinking of the time. They did not listen to me. They didn't wait because she would not have been 15 minutes away. They definitely just just left when I called your voice probably.
Alexandra: 33:16
Yeah, so they all got there. That's when we called my mother-in-law too. I called, we called the midwives and we called her and we said listen, um, the midwives are on their way. Our house is a disaster. We need your help with the dishes. Uh, if you could come over and and help with that, she was like you know, we asked her what are you doing?
Alexandra: 33:35
she's's like, oh, I'm having my coffee. And Eli, my husband, eli, he says, well, alex is in labor, so you know, the midwives are coming. And I swear you could like hear her throw her coffee down. When we asked if she would come to do the dishes, she was like, there, there, I'm there, you know, I'll go now, I'll go now. And Eli's like, well, we're not not home yet, we're not actually home right now. So so give us a minute, okay, okay, all right. And then she pretty much she had to been watching at the door for when, when we pulled in, because, uh, she was right there, yeah, she was, yeah, she was awesome. She came and she had her apron ready to do the dishes and, yeah, she was amazing, um, awesome, so, um, awesome.
Alexandra: 34:17
So we got home, there was a lot of hustle and bustle. I mean there's kids toys everywhere there's. We're not picked up, we're not ready to set up a tub. It was crazy town. I mean the midwives were setting up where's this, where's that? And I was directing as much as I could. But finally I was like I'm going to go hide, I'm ready to go hide. I didn't tell anyone I was going to hide, but I did. I went into my toddler's room and labored there for a while by myself Because it was just so, so crazy out there and I was getting to a point where I couldn't answer any more questions, like I was at the point where I really couldn't talk through that or I needed to start moving my body in different ways and just start kind of really tuning in.
Alexandra: 35:04
That was my biggest thing. I kept saying, like if I can stay with my body, if I can keep my mind, I'll be fine. If I can keep calm and, like, just focus on letting my body do what it needs to do and just focus on letting my body do what it needs to do, I'll be okay. I had a lot of different mantras, I guess affirmations or whatever. I wouldn't even call them affirmations because it was really more of something. I told myself a lot was working.
Alexandra: 35:32
Muscles are not painful, and that came from one of the books I read about hypnobirthing and I told myself I would write down what book it was so I could share that. But that was one of the things she, the book talked about. You know, if you move your hand, you move your, your legs. These are all muscles and you feel it, but it doesn't hurt. And you know you got to think about your uterine muscles and the contractions as muscles doing a job. There are muscles doing a job, they're not there to hurt you, they're there to do a job and get your baby out.
Alexandra: 36:10
And staying really calm and reminding myself of that, um, just really staying with my body and I would say that a lot too, like stay with your body, stay with, stay with my body. Um, I would come back to my breath, I would come back to thinking about my core visualizing. I did a lot of visualization, visualizing the baby coming down, just like really really trying to tune in with my body. So that's what I started doing. I hadn't been doing much of that yet, I had been going with it and I knew I was at a point I needed to start that. So that's, I kind of went off by myself and did just that. And, funny, I thought about our cows and I thought about you know how they all instinctually knew to go into the nice sawdust, you know clean area that we gave them, rather than, you know, staying out in the, in the paddock or whatever they would. All, every single one of them, found the nice clean corner that we gave them and and that's where they would birth.
Alexandra: 37:13
So I was in my toddler's room. I was actually like cuddling with his blanket. It was really comforting. And I was like kneeling yeah, I was like leaning. I was on my knees leaning on his bed. It's a twin bed, not a toddler bed, so it's a little bit raised up. It was like the perfect height to raise up and lean on. And I did that for what felt like a long time.
Alexandra: 37:40
And then, now that I know the timeline of everything, it was not long at all. They're setting up the tub at this time and I'm like, okay, cool, I'm going to. You know, I'm going to leave this position, I'm going to leave this room and I'm going to go to the tub. Like it'll be ready and you got to like you know, heat it, do the water and then wait for the hot water heater to warm back up and then do more water. And I was like, at this point I'm starting to think like what is taking them so long getting this water? Like the hot water heater only takes, you know, five, 10 minutes to heat back up. It shouldn't be taking this long. I'm thinking my contractions are still minutes apart. You know, my, my sense of time is just I'm thinking hours are going by. Has to be right, like, oh.
Alexandra: 38:30
So I finally called for Eli. I finally called for him and him and I had a plan at this point. Like I said, I dedicated my whole pregnancy to making a plan for the birth and being prepared, and him and I had a plan. He knew how to help me, he knew how to support me and he knew that that could change at any time because I wouldn't actually know ahead of time what I need. But he knew to. You knew to just be open to whatever I needed. So once I called Eli in, the midwives started to support me too. They knew I needed the space before that. So once I called him in I think that was their cue bringing me water and bringing me a cool cloth.
Alexandra: 39:12
I was feeling really nauseous at this point and again, the nausea and all of that is what made me panic with my first. So I just kept reminding myself this is my hormones. They're doing their job. Everything has a job. Everything that's happening in my body has a job and it's working for me. My body's working for me. I kept saying things like that, and I brought him in, I sat, he sat on his knees and I was on my knees and I leaned back and he like propped me up that way. That felt really, really good.
Alexandra: 39:45
We stayed like that for a long time and I just didn't want to move. I did not want to move at one point. We were just both quiet and I remembered how bad his knees are and he's wearing like Carhartt pants and I'm just like he's in the most awful position supporting my weight. And I said you must be so uncomfortable. And he was like I am, you're doing great. And we say like that for a while, a little bit more. And then I was like, okay, I can't do this to him anymore, cause that's just the awful position is knees have to be killing him. So, um, I was like all right, I'm gonna do a couple more contractions and then we'll move. And he's like, all right, where are we gonna? Where are we gonna move to? I said I have no idea, I don't know, I don't know what's gonna feel good, I, I don't know, but we're gonna move. So we did that.
Alexandra: 40:34
We did a couple more kind of like, geared myself up to move because I did not want to, but I knew I had to. I think my body was also telling me like you need to get in a more optimal position to actually have this baby at this point. Um, I didn't know that at the time. I'm still thinking I'm in this for another few hours, you know cause it already been six hours and it'd been like 30 minutes. So I moved to the couch and I looked at the tub as I. I went by and I said that's enough water, I can get in. That's enough water. And they're like no, it's not enough water. Then there needs to be more water. And I'm like no let me in.
Alexandra: 41:07
Let me in. Um, I ended up laying on the couch and kind of like leaning off of it. So my husband, I had my hands over his. He he was. He is still on his knees, so I guess I didn't help him much. But he, um, oh, you know what, just before this, I didn't want to feel his Carhartt pants. When, when they were touching my skin, I was like no, I told him go get into pajamas. Go get in pajamas. He's like you want me to do what? I was like yes, just don't ask questions, just pajamas please. Um, so he did, he went and got in pajamas and then it also made me feel like more connected to him.
Alexandra: 41:44
There was something really weird about him being in his day clothes and I'm like, at this point, pretty much naked. There was something really odd to me about that. I just I didn't like it. And then when he was actually in his, in his pajamas and a t-shirt, I felt like a little more connected and I felt like I could actually, if the Carhartt pants weren't touching me, that was much better. So, yeah, we're on the couch at this point and I was leaning. The position was like I was sidelining on the couch leaning over his neck. So I was using his, like his neck to support myself and we stayed like that and I at this point I was, you know, like vocalizing and I was talking to myself really low, and I kept confusing everyone because I'd be like I have that pillow and then I'd have a contraction. So I'd start saying like I think I was saying it's good, I was saying it's good, it's good, it's good Meaning like the pain, like it's all the pain, is good, what's happening is good. Just trying, trying desperately to convince myself of that. And she's like oh, okay, you don't need the pillow and I'm like being home, I was able to do whatever I needed to do and I felt comfortable doing that.
Alexandra: 43:03
Every time I started to panic, I would open my eyes and my eyes landed on something in my home that I loved. It'd be a picture on the wall. It was something that reminded me of a trip. It was something, just something that brought me right back to where I am and why I'm doing this. I didn't have any of that with my, any of that panic that I had with my first, and I didn't feel lost. I knew exactly where I was and I knew what I was doing and I felt way more calm and, um, connected and ready. I felt empowered, like being home was very empowering, and my sister-in-law made me this beautiful banner of affirmations and it's gorgeous. There was hand drawings on everyone, little pink flowers, and there was.
Alexandra: 43:59
This experience is a journey between two worlds. There was loose jaw, loose shoulders, something like that. That one was really helpful. Um, there's all these different things and when I finally was at a point I didn't have any more words for myself, I was, I was on the couch and the banner was right there. It was right in front of me at the opening to the living room and I did, I read them and there were the words that I needed right there up on the wall for me, and that was. It's still up. It's been a month and I can't take it down yet, slowly, one by one. My toddler has this big climber and he will go up and he'll take one and he'll bring it to me and he'll be like here you go, mama, and I'm like all right, we're just going to slowly take it down that way I guess, because I can't do it myself, didn't have any words left either because I said.
Alexandra: 45:01
I said to him all right, I need, I need you to talk to me, I need you to tell me something. And I don't remember what he said, but it just wasn't it and I was like, okay, shut up, that was not it. It was not it. So, yeah, we can. We continued like that for again. What felt like forever and I'm thinking I gotta in that tub Like what is taking so long. And once I finally asked, I asked them to check me.
Alexandra: 45:32
At this point I had not, I had not been checked at all for dilation and I didn't want. I kind of I was on the fence. I said I'm, I'm nervous to even ask you to check me because I, if you tell me that I'm not that far along, I'm going to be, I'm going to be so discouraged I can't do much more of this. I said I can't do this much longer. I said, check me. She's like you, sure you want to. I said, yep, check me. So she, she checks and she goes. Oh, you're not going to be discouraged. I was pretty much fully dilated. I was. I was still convinced. Still convinced I was going to get in that tub. I wanted in the water so bad. And um, I think I said like I said to one of my midwives. I was like just like, give it, tell me, tell me, tell me straight, am I getting in that tub? And she kind of I knew by the look on her face the answer was no. She's like no, no, you're not Cause she had. She was kind of beating around the bush, she was kind of I don't think you're going to be comfortable, it's not going to feel as good as you think at this point. You know all this and it's not going to help as much as you think at this point. And so finally, I was like give it, just tell me, tell me straight. She's like no, you're not making it. Um, so I relaxed at that point, accepted it, it's not happening.
Alexandra: 46:50
The thought of like having the baby without the kind of like I don't know, the cushion of the water, I guess, the like, I don't know something about that really freaked me out and I really was hoping to make it in, to kind of like a mindset thing, but I was really hoping to make it anyways. So I accepted that that wasn't going to happen. I was going to have her right here and I just felt I felt like I needed to push. This was actually funny. It was the first time I really felt like I needed to push and I that kind of made me panic a little bit. I said I I feel like I need to push.
Alexandra: 47:26
One of the midwives was at the at my kitchen table, which I have a very small house, so my kitchen table is like right in the opening of the living room and she's on the computer. And I said I feel like I need to push and I was expecting like the no, don't push, the, just something. I was just expecting everyone rush in the room or just something to happen. Right, if I said that, she kind of shrugged and said, then push. And that, like nonchalant, this brought me right back to like I can do this, this is my body's going to do this and it's fine, we're all fine. It just brought me back and I was like, okay, okay, so I did, I pushed a little bit. It felt good. I pushed again. My water still had not broken. So that push was the push that broke my water.
Alexandra: 48:18
And the next I mean I say it's the next one, I don't really know. I mean, if I had every single detail perfectly, that would be great, but I can't remember everything, but I think it was the next one or the next couple and I just I felt like my whole body, it just it did something. Okay, it did something. I felt her go down, I felt her engage. I feel like I felt and this would sound scary to someone who didn't go through it, but it wasn't painful, it felt more like scratching an itch. I felt like her head go down and I, I felt my bones, like my pelvic bones. I don't know if they came apart or they twisted.
Alexandra: 49:04
I don't know what happened, but that part of physiological birth where the head comes into the pelvis, and I felt that, I felt my bones do that and, um, it felt relieving. It felt so relieving, um, and it was the most amazing feeling to feel so much of that happening. I thought for sure, okay, we are like we're almost there, we're almost to that pushing part. I'm trying to gear myself up for that hour of pushing. You know, we're, we're, we're there. Like I can't, I can't get tired. Yet we still have all of that pushing.
Alexandra: 49:43
And the next thing I know I made this like ungodly scream sound, and they said, there she is, she's coming. I didn't feel anything, my body just did it. They said, there she is, she's coming. I didn't feel anything, my body just did it. She was on my chest in a matter of minutes. She just came out Like it was amazing. It was so amazing, I couldn't believe she was already there.
Alexandra: 50:06
I'm like what, like the pushing the ring of fire, all of that. Where was it? Where was it? It didn't happen. None of that happened. There was no pain Like it. It was. There was obviously a lot of pressure, obviously I felt it and, um, it wasn't pleasant by any means, but that, that pain, that pain that tells you like you can't do this or you know, I feeling like you're going against your body, which is what I had with the epidural. I didn't get any of that. It was like the second. Yeah, I just like I said, it was like it was relieving, like scratching, an itch, feeling that, that engagement, her coming down. And then the next thing, I know she was there, so I never made it in the tub. And and then when they called, what time is it?
Angela: 51:06
Um, it was 10, 13 in the morning, so that's why I didn't make it in the tub. It only been two hours since the midwives got there. It felt like a lot longer than that, but that's because I was just in my own world.
Alexandra: 51:17
Yeah, oh my goodness. So who caught her? Did you catch her? Was she got hurt? No, my husband really wanted to and I couldn't let him leave me and I warned him that would be. That was what happened with the first. He was very interested in seeing it, so he was like down behind the doctors watching for my first. So I was very much like just kind of lost the second one. I told him you're not doing that, like he really wanted to catch her and I said I'm gonna need you and if I need you, you're not gonna sorry, no, not gonna happen. If it happens, then I'm actually I can you know, let you go, that's fine, but no, I was pretty much still holding on to him, um, and when I made that noise my mother-in-law came running in and everyone came running in and and um, all about to see it happen.
Alexandra: 52:01
But, um, the midwife, I guess, um, caught her and put her right on my chest and I was like at that point, when she was on, she wasn't completely up on my chest, she was down a lot lower because the cord was still very much up and she couldn't come up more. Um, but at that moment I still was. I was in shock that I wasn't pushing. I was expecting to have to push. You know, I I did not think she was going to be there. I was definitely like, is that my baby? Like, is that her? Like? No, that's another baby, cause I'm not done yet. So, yeah, I don't. I don't really remember. It all happened so fast that, yeah, it was one of the midwives.
Angela: 52:48
Oh my gosh. So how about the placenta now?
Alexandra: 52:51
That was, uh, that was harder, that was a new. That was that was new to me. Me, um, I didn't. Once I sat up, I waited for a while before, like they were telling me my help if you sit up, my help if you sit up, and I'm like I just don't have the strength right now to like engage those muscles to sit myself up. So they kind of helped me sit up a little bit more. That helped Pushing it was.
Alexandra: 53:22
So I did have to push it out and it was such a it was an odd sensation Like that felt like there was nothing to push and it felt like my body was like no, why are you trying to use these muscles like they're done right now? That was not so fun. I didn't like that part of the natural, of the unmedicated. I liked it when it was just like that happened and I didn't know about it. I did have to push it out and it took I don't know how long it took, I know it took long enough that they were like really encouraging me no, you got to push, you got to get it out. So, yeah, and then, because of the anemia, they did give me Pitocin to help stop the bleeding and then, yeah, we got to.
Alexandra: 54:14
We didn't cut the cord until the placenta was out. We could have, because it was, it was long enough that the cord was done, there was no more pulsing, there was no, there was nothing more happening. But I still, like wanted to kind of see it all intact. I wanted to see the baby all together. So we did wait until so I I don't know if I would have done that again, because it it was longer before I could really hold her like up on my chest and waiting to push the placenta out. She was kind of like on my stomach the whole time.
Alexandra: 54:45
But, yeah, that was definitely different. And then it's different too, um, disposing of it. We have to bury it, and I was not a fan of that. I'm like, really, you can't just take it like I don't. I was, I was not really excited about that, but I know some women are, you know, maybe do a ceremony or you know there's all kinds of different things you can do, but it's um winter, so right now it's still in my freezer and I'm very, very much ready to dig a hole.
Angela: 55:12
Yeah, that that's funny. The off season ones you're not planting any trees right now.
Alexandra: 55:20
I'm definitely not into it being in my freezer. I'm like that can, that can go.
Angela: 55:25
Oh my. So how has postpartum been for you?
Alexandra: 55:28
so far, it has been a whole different world than it was with my first. I mean, first of all, whole different world than it was with my first. I mean, first of all, life can't even really stop, like I feel like I had a few days of just sitting in bed and and then it was like my toddler needs me, Like he can't go that long without without his mama. So, um, definitely it was sooner than I felt pressure to get back into the swing of things, but I was also very conscious to not overdo it. So I think it was a decent balance. I'm trying I mean, I'm still only one month, so I'm still in that balance of like, um, my muscles are still sore. I'm trying to, you know, honor that while still honoring my mental health, which needs to get out of the house. I'm not a person who can just be home, so making a plan for that too I, you know, with my first it was like I would just go shopping or I would just go driving or something to get myself out of the house. I had no plan for getting out of the house in a healthy way, to get myself out of the house. I had no plan for getting out of the house in a healthy way and this time, um, I, if I'm getting out of the house, I might go visit a friend. I know you know, I know my friend's schedules and when, when they might be up for it or um, go to the library or do things that are short visits and feel good about my mental health but are not going and walking around a store for hours with nothing that I needed to buy. But so I'm finding much more healthier ways to cope with everything and I we hired a postpartum doula so she has been amazing and she comes in once or twice a week and she does basically resets my house. Um, and that reset has been invaluable to you know, being able to get into bed at the end of the night and the bed is made and the diapers are there and everything's ready and, um, doing that reset, reset, you know, the changing table, getting all the laundry done and getting in there. If, if there's, if I just need a break from the baby, you should hold the baby and just chat with me. Um, it's been really, really great to have that, because, even though friends and family and everyone, they want to be there for you, right, but they're also have their lives and a lot of those lives are working during the time that you need them the most. So, um, that's been really, really great, and we had people bring us meals. I don't think we had to cook for the first two weeks, we just had so much support, and I think a lot of it was because I was very vocal about needing support.
Alexandra: 58:17
I've been very vocal about how bad my first postpartum was and how I want to do it differently this time, and I have a new doctor this time around. My primary care is not the same primary care that I had with my first. I didn't like the way she was treating the postpartum depression. It was very much, um, she told me to go jogging and basically told me to in nicer words, but the implication I got was get over it. You're a mother now and, um, it was not helpful at all.
Alexandra: 58:49
I ended up finding a new primary care, which was very hard because there's not many people, not many providers, out there ready to take new patients, especially not any good ones. Um, but I did. She has a very holistic mindset, actually. I just went in for a visit on this past Wednesday. I saw my midwives and then in the same day, I went and saw her and they um, both recommended they, they both had the exact same recommendations for me. And that was really cool to see like my providers come together in that way they didn't talk or anything but to see like everything kind of working together.
Alexandra: 59:26
Because it's I built that. You know I, I picked, I picked the midwives based on what I knew I needed. I picked my primary care based on what I knew I needed and, um, I built that support. So that was one thing too. I wasn't going to get pregnant again until I knew I had a primary care that would take care of me. Because, you know you, you lose your prenatal, you lose that support team in the postpartum period. And I felt very that that blindsided me for some reason, being dropped by the OB. That that blindsided me for some reason. Being dropped by the OB office just blindsided me.
Alexandra: 1:00:00
With my first I called them at eight weeks because I needed help and they were like, well, you're no longer a patient here. And I was like what? Um, yeah, you need to call your primary care. And I did and, of course, as soon as they said that, I'm like, yeah, that makes sense, but now I had to go into my primary care and start with. Well, I had a baby, because you don't really see your primary care all through pregnancy. It was just this weird transition and I, instead of doing that again, I kept up with my primary care appointments.
Alexandra: 1:00:32
Granted, I was on medication through my pregnancy, so she that's. You know, the med follow-ups you would. I had a lot of them, um, but just staying with her and seeing her in my last, I saw her in my last month of pregnancy and then we made a follow-up for a month after my due date and I had her on my due date. I had both of them. Both of them came on their due date. So that was pretty cool. But, yeah, just definitely making a plan and building that support team was huge and it has to be built. It really does. It doesn't come naturally. Those support systems and those support teams, they don't just happen.
Alexandra: 1:01:12
It was a lot of work to find the right people and do all of that work before getting pregnant again, but I knew I needed to. I knew I couldn't do another postpartum like that. And, um, my toddler, you know, if I do have another postpartum depression episode like that, you know it's not going to be fair to him, to um have a mother that's not taking care of herself. I mean him. To um have a mother that's not taking care of herself. I mean it.
Alexandra: 1:01:40
Postpartum depression happens sometimes, no matter what we do, of course, and that's acceptable, but I went way too long first time ignoring it and not having any treatment and instead just trying to push through. For for what reason I don't know Pride, I guess, I don't know, but this time I'm not doing that Um. Like I said, I just went on. This time I'm not doing that, um. Like I said, I just went on this past Wednesday and I was very open about the struggles I'm just starting to have. So we made a plan and I feel good about the plan and it's it's a whole different world having knowing I have people to lean on and talk to yeah, yeah, it really is so important.
Angela: 1:02:16
It's hard to even just recognize and it's hard to, you know, make that step to get that help, and so, yeah, I'm so glad that you're doing all of that because it is so important. So now, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting, or even new parents, what would be the biggest thing that you would want to say?
Alexandra: 1:02:40
It would be. It would be. Just don't forget about the postpartum. No, look into the fourth trimester. Don't ignore that part. We put so much focus on pregnancy and birth. Whether you're not, you're planning a hospital or home or whatever. You think so much about the birth. You do the birth classes, you do all that. You might even do a newborn care class. I did a newborn care class and I did not know a single thing about postpartum. I think before you go through it, you have this expectation of what bounce back culture kind of tells us you have the baby and you go on with your life, Right, and that's not it. Your body has a lot of healing to do. Your hormones have a lot of regulating to do. There's so much that your body needs to do and you have to nourish your body to do those things. Don't, don't leave that part out.
Angela: 1:03:36
It's important don't, don't leave that part out. It's important. Yeah, yeah, it really is. I totally agree that it is often overlooked, like you said, because there's so much like anticipation about the big day and it's like wait, let's really take a, you know, some time to think about what we're going to do after and what the plan is for that to to yeah yeah, well, thank you so much, alex, for sharing your stories today. It's been such a pleasure hearing them.
Alexandra: 1:04:01
I'm glad thank you for having me. Thank you for interviewing me.
Angela: 1:04:05
This is a lot of fun and that's the end of another episode of the my main birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I am a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.
Angela: 1:04:43
I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 Questions to Ask your Care Provider, whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.