72. My Maine Birth: Shandi Shares her Maine Birth Story with Care from Holly No7 midwife team.
Shandi: 0:00
yeah, I tried to. I guess I slept, I don't know. Yeah, that was also kind of foggy, but they just kind of took turns laying with me and just like rubbing my back. And Sarah was amazing. Just I don't know what it was about her touch, but she was just so comforting. Every time she like rubbed my back or like touch my shoulder or just everything was like so comforting. It was really nice. Um, and Julie really helped me with breathing into my contractions. I felt like I was kind of like trying to hide, like run away from them or avoid them, and she was having me breathe into them and that was really helpful and relaxing. I definitely, yeah, was able to calm down a bit and get some rest that night.
Angela: 0:51
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real-life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Today's birth story guest is Shandi, and she shares all about her main birth story. She originally planned for a birth center birth at Holly number seven in Bangor. Then she changed her plan and began preparing for a home birth at her home in Trenton. Ultimately, after a long labor, she transferred to Maine Coast Memorial Hospital in Ellsworth where she gave birth to her baby. Hi, shandi, welcome to my Maine Birth. Hi, how are you Good? How are you doing Awesome? So, to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?
Shandi: 2:03
Yeah, so it is my husband Fletcher and I and our almost seven-month-old son, Ben, and we have a dog, a six-year-old Labradoodle, Koda, and we live in Trenton, Maine, kind of near MDI Ellsworth area. I'm from Massachusetts, I've been here for about 10 years this year and my husband grew up outside of Bangor, so we've been together for about 10 years, married too and, yeah, we just had our son Finn last summer. So, yeah, and right now my husband he is a carpenter caretaker out on the MDI area and I gardened all the way up until I gave birth and um, just kind of stay at home, um book appointments for an osteopath and Ellsworth, so it gives me a little something to do during the week and but a nice flexibility. So Cool.
Angela: 3:04
Well, will you start by sharing a little bit about when you first found out you were pregnant and sort of your thoughts in choosing your care.
Shandi: 3:15
Yeah, so, kind of leading up to it, I've had amenorrhea for the last seven years. Leading up to it I had some Lyme disease issues and during that time I came off of my birth control, which I had been on since I was like 14. And so like, yeah, over 10 years of that and I just never got my period back. So it was something where I was just like we weren't planning on having kids, didn't really, you know, in my twenties, didn't really think too much about it. I would talk with my doctors if I had an appointment, like mention it, and most of them just kind of like brush it off, like oh, that's normal, that's fine, like do you feel fine? Like nothing's wrong. And I did see some naturopaths and kind of the same thing, like not too much concern. So I was just like well, okay, great, like I don't have to deal with my cycle, we don't really have to think about it. But like the last few years I've been more kind of like this't feel right, like it doesn't feel right to not be having it, my cycle and I started working last summer with or no, I guess two summers ago now with Sarah Toohey. She is an acupuncturist in Southwest Harbor and we were doing some acupuncture and herb tinctures that she would make for me and I got really busy with gardening and kind of like fell out towards the end of the summer with her and I also worked part-time with an osteopath, so I would I kind of reached out to him or we were just talking about it, and this was more in September that year and he was like, well, well, we could, you know, try some things, do some. He does, um, like cranial sacral manipulation, and so he said we could do a little work there and again do some herbs kind of very similar blend of herbs that Sarah was having me on and so that was in September of 2022. And he, we maybe had like two sessions that month and then in October it was like mid October, like 15th on the dot, and I got my period for the first time and it was this like little exciting moment like oh, okay, I'm not broken, or, however, I was feeling it only lasted for like 24 hours, that was it, but it was still like okay, like things are functioning. It felt good and kind of just continued with the herbs and we did have a conversation like okay, like maybe now we should be more careful. It's been something we hadn't had to think about for a while.
Shandi: 6:12
And come November didn't get my period back, just kind of assume. Like well, it's you know, back to what it was and that's okay, like sure it'll take some time to regulate, and it was maybe towards the end of the month. We were just getting ready to leave for the winter and my husband was like like you think you're pregnant? Like your, your chest kind of seems bigger than normal. And I was like no, that's like that's not possible, there's no way. And I had just went and saunas with some friends in the evening and I was like I'll pick up a test right before you know afterwards. And I tested at night, like not really knowing, and I was dehydrated and chugging a ton of water and it came back negative. So we were like okay, we're good, we're in the clear.
Shandi: 7:02
And then the next day we left for Puerto Rico for a family wedding for two weeks. And then we were like we had rented our house out to a friend because then we were planning on being um away, like traveling out west skiing, and being in Vermont for a month for the holidays, and then he was going to build a bathroom for his sister out in Washington. So we were like, okay, we'll kind of, you know, take our time out West and be out there for a little bit and come back in the spring for work. And yeah, so we went to Puerto Rico. Everything was fine.
Shandi: 7:40
Maybe I was like a little crabby at times if I didn't eat enough, or, especially traveling and being somewhere new, you don't really like hard to get food certain food. And so we got back to Vermont like middle of the month and we were staying at his grandmother's house and we went ski. I remember we woke up really early because it snowed and we went skiing with his dad and I had eaten a banana, like running out the door, and the first run all I could taste was that banana and I was like, ah, like I'm not feeling too well, I'm gonna go sit in the lodge and read, and like I couldn't even sit there and enjoy anything. So I was like I'm going to go lay in the car and I texted them and they were like, okay, we'll take one more run and be down. And I was just had to be like horizontal, couldn't deal with anything, and got back, basically curled up on the couch, took a nap. We did get COVID when we went to Puerto Rico.
Shandi: 8:46
So I was like maybe this is like a little like delayed, you know kind of sickness from that.
Shandi: 8:54
Or I just was like totally in denial, I didn't even think about it and it wasn't until, uh, fletcher's mom, she was like you know, it kind of sounds like you have morning sickness and I was like no, like that makes no sense, there's no way. And his grandmother, she was just like what did he do to you? Like she knew, she knew, obvious, every, I'm sure everybody knew but me. And it was like the next day or two days later, he, his mom, came home with a pregnancy test and the boys were out skiing and she was like you know, just just to make sure, and I took it and it was like instant, like no, yeah, no doubt about it, definitely pregnant. And I just came out of the bathroom and I like started shaking and I was like, uh, I'm pregnant, and cried and she just hugged me and was very supportive and so that was exciting. And Fletcher came home from skiing and just was sitting there and was like well, got some news and it was an exciting moment.
Angela: 9:56
So yeah, wow, that is special to have everybody there, and you know just that, like family moment is sweet yeah, yeah, especially not like we weren't against having kids, but we just kind of.
Shandi: 10:11
I think we're at the point of like maybe we, you know, maybe we just can't and that's okay and but yeah. So I think to have that happen kind of spontaneously it was was very exciting.
Angela: 10:25
Yeah, yeah, oh, and that's really interesting about your cycle and not having it for so many years, getting one cycle and like okay, and I do think a lot of it.
Shandi: 10:42
I've dealt with like kind of disordered eating, like orthorexia, which I feel like a lot of more people deal with than we think just that like healthy eating and all these diets and restrictive dieting, and I'm sure I feel like that plays a like our nutrition plays a really big part in our body's ability to function and yeah, so I feel like I was getting in a good place with that as well and I'm sure everything just lined up perfectly for that.
Angela: 11:13
Yeah, so now, after that, what were your thoughts then? Sort of like when you're like what to do next and choosing your care.
Shandi: 11:24
Yeah, that was kind of the big cause.
Shandi: 11:27
Yeah, we weren't home in Maine and we were I, you know, have no experience with birth and didn't really know like what are the next steps? So of course, I Googled it and it was like, oh, go to the hospital, you know, go to the doctors and get a blood test and ultrasound to confirm pregnancy. And since we were in Vermont, I just called the local like woman's clinic at the hospital and they set me up to get a blood test. And it was I mean, this was like December 22nd, right before the holidays, and so I think we had to wait till after Christmas to get the ultrasound. But the blood test was like yep, you know, numbers are really high. They thought I was like maybe 10 weeks already or something. And we went, yeah, right after Christmas and got the ultrasound and we had called before because we didn't have health insurance and we were out of state and we were like I think we can go home, like I'm not sure if I had talked to Julia Holly, number seven yet, but I knew we could like come home and get a cheaper ultrasound or we knew how much it would cost in the hospital. It was like, oh, it'll be like two or 300 bucks and definitely a little nervous just with like the past history of not having my cycle and worried that maybe this wasn't real. So it was like very nerve wracking going in there and when she first tested or she did the ultrasound, like on my belly and they couldn't see anything, that was really scary and she ended up doing an internal ultrasound and he was there and they put us at about six weeks pregnant. So it was very exciting to know, like like this is real. And it was great to like have the little photo to then share with family around the holidays, because when I went down to Massachusetts and saw, saw my close friends and family and it was early but we were, like, you know, kind of hard to not tell them since we kind of had to change our winter plans anyways. So that was a nice perfect timing for that, but it was might've been like a couple months later for that, but it was might have been like a couple months later we got the bill and it was like twelve thousand twelve hundred dollars instead of three, because I guess they did two different ultrasounds which they don't tell you. So that was like first negative experience with a hospital and we had already known that we weren't too interested in doing a hospital birth.
Shandi: 14:03
Yes, and at that time I reached out to a friend who had just given birth a year prior and she her first birth. She went through the hospital and didn't have a great experience and she ended up working. She actually transferred kind of late in her pregnancy to work with the women at Holly number seven the midwives there and I reached out to them, we did, you know, the consultation call over the phone, since we couldn't really go that time, and I talked with Julie and it just sounded really, you know, like a beautiful space and just really caring and just the type of place we wanted to be. Because I knew I didn't want to be in the hospital but also I wasn't sure if we wanted to do a home birth, just didn't know too much about anything at that time. So we decided to set up care with them. It was just like OK, let's do this, like it seems like a good fit, and kind of explained with her, like we're not really going to be around for the next couple of months, like is that okay? And she didn't seem. She was like there's really not much you do early on anyways. She was like there's really not much you do early on anyways, and we were getting back like right in time for 20, you know, the 20 week checkup. So we figured just we'll go with that. And I also called Sarah Toohey, who is an acupuncturist in Southwest and she is also a doula, so a birth doula so reached out to her about being our doula and she was, yeah, on board with that. So that was really exciting.
Shandi: 15:53
And then from there we just kind of, you know, spent a few more weeks, most of January, in Vermont and at that point I was really sick the whole time. Basically, from that first day, skiing and getting sick, I was just in bed and very nauseous and like forcing myself to eat Cause I knew it would make me feel better and getting out and the cold and walking, and it was like the only time I felt really good was like outside walking, but it was so cold that time of year that I can only stay out for a little bit, so it was like a lot of napping and resting. But yeah, and we decided that I would not be going on the ski trip with Fletcher and couldn't really come home since we were renting our house out. So Fletcher's parents live down in North Carolina most of the year and we figured I'd go down there with his mom and he'd do his little ski trip out west with his dad and that was kind of our next step. We did stop back home for like two days so I could have an appointment with the midwives and go see the birth center and just kind of like meet them face to face and make sure this wasn't going to be a good fit. And yeah, they have a great spot up in Bangor and yeah, Julie and Chris were both really awesome. So that was nice to like feel settled with that decision.
Shandi: 17:24
And I met with Sarah and got some acupuncture for the nausea and she gave me a bunch of tax that I could take with me to North Carolina and had some care and she actually found a really good acupuncturist down there who worked with pregnant women, um, so that was also really nice that she went out of her way to do that, but yeah. So then I spent two months down in North Carolina. No, no care, really. Just at that point I was feeling better, I would say around like 10, 11 weeks. The nausea kind of went away for the most part in the evenings. It was like every night after dinner I would get pretty nauseous and just had to like go lay on the floor and stretch and and also in the morning brushing my teeth. But other than that, like pretty good, did a lot of hiking and swimming and it was like the most like a pretty mild winter down there for them. So it worked out really well.
Shandi: 18:23
Not being here, it was hard being away from Fletcher at points like especially with the hormones, and just like feeling a little sad, that's like, and, yeah, unsure at points of like wait, what? Like? We're having baby, what are we doing? Like. So it was tough at some points being separated from him. But I did at the end of that, like the end of his two months, I actually flew out west and stayed with him for a week and we did like cross-country skiing and I saw a friend who had just moved out there as well. So that was nice to like take one more kind of trip before the baby came and we flew back together to North Carolina and then drove back home early April so we could get back to work and we both work seasonally and that was right around like 22 weeks, 21 weeks for me. That was right around like 22 weeks, 21 weeks for me.
Shandi: 19:32
So we decided to do the um anatomy scan, the ultrasound, at 20 for 20 weeks and we were going to keep it.
Shandi: 19:36
We didn't.
Shandi: 19:38
We wanted to find out what the gender was, but we were going to keep it a secret from everybody.
Shandi: 19:43
Um, but that week, like a couple of days before, fletcher's grandmother actually went into hospice and we knew, you know, that was probably she didn't have much more time.
Shandi: 19:56
So we were like, oh, we got to, you know, share it with her. And we had like called her right after and it was like the last conversation we had with her, but we were able to tell her we were having a boy. So she was pretty excited. So that was kind of a sweet moment that we were able to share with her. And, um, yeah, and, but everything with the ultrasound was fine, like everything looked really good. So that was kind of a relief Cause again, like especially like not seeing anybody for a few months and even though I, you know they don't do much early on anyways, but it was just like, oh, what's, you know, what's happening is he knew he was growing. Obviously it started showing and but yeah, so that was um nice to get that over with, and we didn't do any much more testing um did you do ultrasound at the birth center and did you go to the hospital for that?
Shandi: 20:58
yeah, so we went, so the birth center has like an outside, uh, ultrasound company come in every other week or so and um, yeah, that was really much nicer setting and just, yeah, comfortable, and the woman was really great and, you know, kind of talked us through what we were seeing and that was, yeah, a good experience with that.
Shandi: 21:25
Yeah, and basically we just like went right into work season, since we're kind of like seasonal employees and I was gardening and working in the greenhouse a lot, which was nice that spring and um, yeah, we were just trying to stay really busy and I did do, um, the gestational diabetes test, which was fine, and, yeah, just tried to enjoy summer as much as I could, knowing that it would be kind of my last time not being a mom, and I ended up working a lot more than I was hoping.
Shandi: 22:12
My boss had some family stuff that she had to deal with, so she would be gone for like a week at a time every couple of weeks and I'd worked for her for a while. So she kind of put me in charge of just like managing other employees and that's a very small group of employees employees. So it was and we're all kind of good, close friends. So it was easy but also hard for me to like delegate tasks. I'm more just like I like I'm just gonna do it and but learning to like, yeah, delegate and not lift things and kind of try to take it easier, um, but it was good that it kept me moving and busy and, yeah, when I wasn't working I was just swimming and really enjoying being outside and floating was really nice in the law and the ocean 'm really lucky we live in such a beautiful place for that.
Angela: 23:14
Oh, it's so nice. So now, what kind of things did you do as a first time mom, preparing for a natural birth? What kind of things did you do to prepare your mindset for birth?
Shandi: 23:25
I did a lot of reading. They had you know they have a really nice library there recommend a lot of books that you can find at your local library, and so, just like a lot of reading, a lot of podcasts, listening. Your podcast, the birth hour podcast, the free birth society podcast, was a big one, even though I knew that wasn't going to be what we were doing, but it was just really inspiring and like really empowering stories.
Shandi: 23:53
Listening to that, yeah, and I met you through the village prenatal, which was really nice, with Naya and yeah, just trying to like get information from all different sources and other women and don't have a lot of friends who have had babies so far. So it seems like now, within this last year, we have two friends who are pregnant. We also the same. So the day that I took my pregnancy test, fletcher had got a photo of it and he sent it to his good friend that he grew up with and they live like right down the road from us and I was like no, you can't, like we're not telling people right now, it's too soon. And like instantly his friend texted back a photo of a pregnancy test that was positive. So they, we knew they were trying and so that was really exciting and she was actually. She was like we were like a week apart and due date. So we ended up having our babies within like the same month or like a month apart.
Shandi: 24:56
So that was really nice and, yeah, I've had a really nice summer. It was pretty great weather, so I can just like work and then go swim in the ocean or the lakes after work and just float, which I found really helpful because I did, like, towards the end of my pregnancy, started to have a lot of lower back pain and like hip pain, so I did, um, I would. I was seeing the osteopath like every month just to check in and kind of when that was getting worse, I saw him a little more often to help with, yeah, just everything stretching and moving and the hips and yeah, but other like overall, it was a really I enjoy and, yeah, one of those women who really enjoyed being pregnant. And I mean even now I'm like, oh, that was such, even. Yeah, even though I know like, oh, it was annoying at points or just uncomfortable, I'm like, wow, that was a really sweet time and really enjoyed that.
Angela: 25:58
Yeah yeah, oh, my gosh. So now walk me through those kind of last few days like leading up to your labor and then birth.
Shandi: 26:10
Yeah, um, so a week before I gave birth, my friends put on I was like 36 weeks and my friends uh, put together a little mother's blessing. They called it a baby earth side party and it was just really beautiful side party and it was just really beautiful and my friend's property on the island with this like gorgeous tent and tarpestries and really good food, yeah, flowers and they like we just talked and kind of they just yeah, shared a lot with me and like gave me a beautiful oil massage and tattooed my belly with little fake golden tattoos and just yeah, it was a really supportive event. Just yeah, knowing that these women were here to support me through this time, which it was scary and exciting at the same time. But and I think only one of them she had had, you know, my boss, she has two children, but other than that they're none of them really knew. So they even asked like you know, like we're all new to this, like what, like you, just let us know what we can do to support you, which was a really great thing to know that I could just reach out if I needed to, especially being in Maine and we don't have family that lives by close by. So it was good to know there was a community of people there for us.
Shandi: 27:47
But yeah, and that next week, monday it was 37 weeks for me I that was. I decided like, okay, this will be my last day of work, that way I can have some time to just slowly get things together. We did decide around 30 weeks that we would do a home birth. Just yeah, from listening to podcasts and just like thinking about what it really was that we would do a home birth, just yeah, from listening to podcasts and just like thinking about what it really was that we wanted um during labor, just yeah, thinking of driving an hour wasn't too appealing in the middle of labor and yeah, even though the birth center is so beautiful and great, but we're just like, well, kind of similar, like they give you the same care being at home. So, with that being an option, we're just like, yeah, let's just be home, then we don't have to drive home with a brand new baby the next day or whatever. And so that was kind of a exciting like decision we got to make kind of last minute, but yeah, so we decided on that.
Shandi: 28:58
Finished working that Monday. I had my 37-week appointment Tuesday. This was all the last week of July and I did do the GPS testing and everything was looking good. The next day, wednesday, I saw Sarah got some acupuncture that afternoon and decided to go first swim with a friend. So we I had popped in her car, we drove down to the beach and I got out of her truck and just like, instantly like felt a little gush of water, gush of something, and I I thought maybe it was my water, but I was like no, like it wasn't that big, like I was picturing big flooding like scene, and it was just like, oh, maybe I like peed myself a little bit, so just like just go hop in the ocean and we swam and met another friend and hung out for a little bit on the beach and it was like getting kind of late and I kind of noticed that it kept happening and I was like, maybe, like, maybe I am leaking, maybe, you know, it didn't break all the way.
Shandi: 30:11
I should probably like get home and figure this out. So we, yeah, I got back to my car called Fletcher he was still working, it was like seven o'clock at this point or so and he headed home right away and I called Sarah, who just kind of told me to rest. And I did call my friend Terry. She was the one who moved out to Washington like right when I found out I was pregnant, so, and she was like one of my like good support people and I called on my drive home and for some reason, once I heard her voice, I just broke down crying, sobbing, and she was, I think she was alarmed because I couldn't say anything.
Shandi: 31:00
And finally I was like I'm going to have a baby and just got really emotional for a little bit and she was really supportive and it was nice to talk with her and, yeah, just kind of let some fear out. And I got home, I reached out to Chris, I texted her and then she called me right back and kind of said the same thing as Sarah, just to, you know, take it easy and rest and eat some food. And of course I didn't do any of that because we felt so ill-prepared, not like we had. Most they do do come and do a like a home birth or home visit to make sure you have all the birth supplies that you need.
Shandi: 31:49
And we had most of the stuff but it was like an extra sheet to put on the bed and heating pad and food, like just certain things. So I like made a list. Fletcher ran out to do some shopping, I made dinner and just like in a frenzy like cleaning the house and just kind of getting pillows and blankets and things that I thought I might need out, we probably got into bed around 10. I told Fletcher to go sleep in the other room because I wanted him to get some sleep and I wasn't sure if I would get to really sleep much. So I maybe slept like two, three hours but it seemed like contractions were kind of waking me up and getting a little annoying. So around three o'clock I got up and that's when I had a little bloody show. So I reached out to Chris and she told me to start timing my contractions for a half hour and let her know what that was looking like and that was. I think it was lasting a minute every four minutes and so she ended up. I guess her and Jenna had just gotten off like back-to-back births the last few days. So they sent Julie and Aura over that morning and I would say they got there around like 4.35 with Sarah and I. At this point I was definitely just kind of lost in the contractions and I knew things were happening around me but didn't yeah, couldn't really place what was going on. And I do remember somebody saying like, oh, you're not going to be doing this all day, like it seemed like things had really picked up quickly so, and since my water had broken, they weren't going to check just to minimize that risk of infection, and since I just had taken my GPS test, like two days before, we hadn't gotten the results back. So they talked to me about antibiotics and at that point I just, you know, I wasn't too interested in that. So they got me right in the tub and I spent about an hour there that morning and then I just kind of moved back to the bedroom. I just basically stayed within my bedroom bathroom area and I they did end up checking me like around 11 to see how things were progressing and I was at a five at that point and I you know I guess at that point I decided to do the antibiotics and then got back in the tub.
Shandi: 34:40
Around noon my friend Caroline had just taken our dog out for a walk and I guess she came back and just kind of like marched into the bathroom and Sarah like pulled her out and like checked with me to make sure it was okay having people come into my space and I was like, oh yeah, like Caroline's totally fine. So she sat with me, which was really sweet, and it was just like it was dark and we had candles going and I just, yeah, I would like lay back and kind of rest and sleep in between every contraction and lean over the tub. Thankfully we have like a big corner tub in our bathroom and so we didn't have to deal with the birth pool and keeping the water good temperature. They did a really good job with that and definitely made it easier using our home tub. So yeah, definitely made it easier using our home tub.
Shandi: 35:37
So yeah, and then, after being there for another hour I guess, I just went back to my bed and did a lot of like side lying and then would go on the ground and on all fours and that seemed to be the like most comfortable position for me. I know they tried. We did like peanut balls and birthstool and I hated the birthstool so much Like that was the worst. And they did like later in the afternoon, tried to get me into the shower with Fletcher and had like skin to skin contact with him and the water. And as soon as I got in there I just needed to get out and like get on the ground. I couldn't, didn't want to be standing, didn't want to be touching him, didn't want to be in the water. It was pretty horrible. So, yeah, I yeah just kind of back to the bed and yeah, this is where I'm like it just seems like a blur to me. I did meet with Julie, which was really nice to debrief everything and like she gave me my records of everything they kept track of. So it was kind of cool to see how things really played out in real time. But, yeah, so I was also having a lot of acid reflux. It was basically every contraction After it ended I would have horrible heartburn and Sarah did do some tacks and they did some homeopathic remedies for it, but just nothing was really staying down at that point.
Shandi: 37:08
So I was just getting really tired and like hadn't eaten or drinking anything. So they kind of they did pull me out of the room like around seven o'clock that night to see if I could like get things like really moving. And I was lunging and squatting and, yeah, we were doing some tinctures and after like a few hours of that I was pretty tired. So we decided go lay down, try to sleep if I could. I think contractions had kind of slowed down to like spread apart a bit. So we yeah, I tried to. I guess I slept, I don't know. Yeah, that was also kind of foggy, um, but they each kind of took turns laying with me and just like rubbing my back. And Sarah was amazing. Just I don't know what it was about her touch, but she was just so comforting every time she like rubbed my back or like touched my shoulder or just everything was like so comforting. It was really nice, um, and Julie really helped me with breathing into my contractions. I felt like I was kind of like trying to hide, like run away from them or avoid them, and she was having me breathe into them and that was really helpful and relaxing. I definitely. Yeah, I was able to calm down a bit and get some rest that night.
Shandi: 38:40
And then around 4am we were all kind of awake again and things had really slowed down. So they and this was so my water broke on Wednesday evening and this was Friday down. So they and this was so my water broke on Wednesday evening and this was Friday morning. So they wanted me to try pumping where you know, pump on one side for 15 minutes I don't remember exactly, but like 10, 15 minutes, take a break, pump on the other side tinctures. And they did check me again at that point around four and I was a nine, so like things had definitely progressed but the contractions had really like spread apart and slowed down. So we did that for like three and a half hours and by, yeah, eight o'clock, after doing a few rounds of that, like things hadn't really picked up.
Shandi: 39:34
So they I think Julie was just, yeah, concerned, they were all kind of concerned with me being so tired and like pretty dehydrated that, if you know, things came to pushing that it would be kind of hard for me. So they mentioned just going to the hospital up in Ellsworth and getting some fluids and a little Pitocin. And at that point I mean I knew like that was not what I really wanted. It was exactly what we didn't want. But you know, fletcher and I sat for a little while and just talked about it and I think we were just just, yeah, ready to meet our baby and we, yeah, made that decision.
Shandi: 40:17
Of course, we weren't prepared for a hospital transfer either.
Shandi: 40:20
So we kind of took our time and showered, packed bags, made sure we had everything we needed and Julie called ahead so that they were ready for us and hopped in the car and, of course, things seemed to pick up again really quickly and Fletcher was just driving calmly, casually, and I'm like just get, julie was in the car with us and Sarah followed and I think Aura stayed behind to just tidy up the house and we, yeah, so we got there maybe around like 10 o'clock to the hospital and just between like them dropping me off at the hospital doors and then dealing with registration and walking down the hallway, I was just like I was kind of mad, like I, I didn't want to be in the hospital.
Shandi: 41:19
So I think I got really mad. I was just mad about the whole situation and my contractions were just like really intense at that point. Walking down the hallway and having this like sign all these, all the paperwork, and I was like, why am I doing this? Like I just want to get there, and finally got to the room and they they put the belly monitor on and wanted to do like a 20 minute monitoring of him and the main reason we went was just basically to get fluids and to get a little pitocin and but it took forever for them to come and like put an.
Shandi: 42:02
IV. I think it took over an hour for them to come and put an IV in. And then I did mention like oh, I don't do very well with needles and stuff, and of course they're, they have somebody who's practicing how to put an IV in and I was just like this is exactly what I didn't want, like, and it took, you know she missed, and so the other woman had to do, the other nurse had to do it, and that just kind of pissed me off and just like then being strapped into the IV and the belly monitor and I couldn't move the way I wanted to move without, like, pulling on things and they were like crossed, yeah, and across my body, and I was just so angry and finally, after like that 20 minutes, I was like I'm getting up and going, like I found that if I could get up and go to the bathroom, like I could take the belly monitor off.
Shandi: 42:56
So I just like kept getting up and trying to move around so I wouldn't have to have that on.
Shandi: 43:00
And we were only there for a couple, you know. I mean, I think he was born at one, 57. So we were only there for a short amount of time before I felt like I needed to poop. Like I was in the bathroom and I was like I didn't need to poop and of course you're like, no, you just need to push. And they had only given me like a very little amount of Pitocin, I guess, and I I guess I didn't mention like when we left the house I think I was either at an eight or like a nine she had checked me. So I was like pretty close like to full dilation when we left the house and, yeah, so when that happened, the midwife, the hospital midwife, came in and was like all right, get on the bed, let me check you. And instantly she was like the baby, baby's right there, you need to just push.
Shandi: 44:01
And she had this energy that I did not like and it was just so intense and I felt like things just happened really fast and like all of these nurses were in the room and they were like setting up like tug of war, so I would like pull on a sheet with another nurse. And well, they held my legs down and I, I just I didn't want to be on my back, I didn't want to be in the bed. I thought she was just checking me but it was like, oh, the baby's head's there, like you need to push him out now and I was like I just felt really rushed and that was just like a weird, like didn't quite, and like it was my first baby, like I didn't really quite understand pushing, like what that really felt like. And she, yeah, so it was just so intense and so just kind of loud, like nurses talking over, like standing over me, talking about I remember them talking about this other woman who had a four degree tear, and the whole time I like I'm in this other world. I could, I knew it was happening around me, but I felt like I couldn't really say anything, like I just was so tired in between every contraction or I was going through the contractions so I couldn't say anything and thankfully, like Julie and Sarah were there and finally, like I think Julie was just like hey, shandi wanted it quiet during her labor, like if everybody could just kind of quiet down and like stop talking, like especially how inappropriate the conversation was. So, yeah, and I just I was like in this like crazy zone of like all I could do is like push and then just like rest in between, and I knew like I did not want to be laying down, I wanted to get up and I just couldn't voice that my, you know my feelings on that and I like just felt like I couldn't move, like had the belly monitor on one, like wires are crossing one way, the IVs crossing the other way, like just felt kind of trapped on most in that situation.
Shandi: 46:33
And and the midwife, the nurse midwife or the hospital midwife was, um, just like stretching me the whole time, like had her fingers in me stretching and I was thinking like what the frick are you doing? And Julia asked like what are you doing? And like trying to get her to stop, and she was just like go, go, go. Like she for some reason wanted to get that baby out really quick. She was just like lubing me up and like stretching me the whole time I was pushing and like just like oh, we push here, push here, like kind of pulling on, you know pulling down on me. And Julie again kind of questioned her like what are you doing? Like why are you doing that? Like what are you doing? And she was, you know, wanting to prevent tearing or whatever, and but also like kind of like trying to force me to push this baby out really fast. And Julie was saying how she mentioned that I guess she was like, oh, this baby will be out in one contraction. And Julie was like actually, like you know, it could take hours, a couple of hours, like don't kind of put that in her head. And he did.
Shandi: 47:54
So Finn ended up coming out and like um, and apparently I pushed. She came in the next day and was like oh, you pushed him out in 10 minutes. And like I was really psyched about that. And Julie was like I think it was more like 20 minutes when we were talking the other day, but it did like everything just happened really fast. And yeah, like I said, I wanted to get up and move and I just couldn't do that and thankfully Fletcher just kind of sat there next to me and held my hand and, yeah, they ended up.
Shandi: 48:31
He, I ended up pushing him out while like Fletcher and one of the nurses were like helping kind of hold my legs in while I was in a squat and I was seeing the, I remember like a little squirt come out and like almost hit the midwife in the face and I was like, oh, that would have been so great, like I just wanted to kick her in the face the whole time.
Shandi: 48:52
Sorry, that wasn't nice, but um.
Shandi: 48:54
So he ended up coming out and like Fletcher kind of guided him onto my belly and I like instantly like grabbed him and like tried to pull him up to my chest and the midwife was like no, like there's no more cord, like you can't pull them up any further.
Shandi: 49:10
And then she, like instantly, was like there's too much blood, we got to cut the cord and we want to delay, delay cord clamping. And they did like it wasn't a super rush, they let fletcher do it, but it was still kind of like oh, was that necessary? And even julie was like you weren't pleading them, like there was no reason to cut the cord that quickly. Because and then my placenta came right, like I don't remember really pushing it out, just kind of came right out as soon, like after the cord was cut, and maybe five minutes, I don't know, it didn't feel very long. Um, and yeah, I don't know if the concern was blood. But then she was like well, your baby needs to get up on your chest and I'm like yeah, I don't know it was, and it was just a little.
Shandi: 50:03
Another thing I thought about that was annoying was the nurse is just like has a towel and it's like rubbing him off. Like I'm trying to pull him up and she's just like rubbing him off all over and I'm like why can't you just let him be how he is Like, why, like, what is the big issue there? So? But yeah, so that was around I think he was born at 1 57 PM that Friday, the 28th and he was perfect. Everything was really good and yeah, he was just so sweet. And you're just like in this, yeah, you kind of forget all the pain and I mean I had a little tear kind of um going up and they did a little like a little stitching, but even I mean that maybe was more painful than him coming. Like you kind of forget so quickly like, oh, that that didn't hurt at all, even though in the moment you're like, yeah, the ring of fire and everything. So. But yeah, it is just an amazing moment to first meet your baby and they did give us a good hour kind of to ourselves, so that was nice and they didn't. Then, you know, take them and weigh them and even though he was was, yeah, three weeks early, two and a half weeks earlier whatever he, he was like six pounds, 13 ounces, like they were, like he is a full-term baby, like there's nothing to worry about find out that he had a really short cord.
Shandi: 51:31
Because afterwards, like debriefing with Sarah and Julie the neck over the next couple days, they were both saying how it's really common with like short cords, um, how that it kind of like slows labor down and like labor can be kind of going along steadily and then kind of slow down and, um, yeah, get delayed and that's your body's way and your like baby's way of protecting itself so it's not pulling too fast and so you don't have a really fast labor. And I guess there was a tiny lip on the placenta, which Julie said there was a little more blood than like while we were home and I was laboring, they did see a little more blood than they usually see and it was just something that they noted and they monitored, um, his heart rate a little more because of that. But he was always fine, so they weren't really concerned, but that might've been one of the reasons. So, yeah, that was yeah, but yeah, so he came out and it was, yeah, overall pretty good. It was a good experience, but not exactly what we envisioned.
Angela: 52:59
But yeah, wow. So how was your um postpartum? How's your like immediate postpartum? How, when we able to go home?
Shandi: 53:07
so we ended up staying the hospital for that 24-hour period. I did want to leave, but one of the nurses was like, oh, you know, sometimes with your health insurance, if you leave they won't cover anything. And I was like like, and I was just like, oh, okay, and I think Fletcher heard that and was like, oh, like you've got to stay, like, and I think he felt more comfortable staying too. And I was just like, all right, like he felt more comfortable staying too, and I was just like, all right, like that's fine, we'll stay. And so we stayed the night um Fletcher's parents. That morning they were in Vermont. They are in Vermont in the summers, a little camp. So they came rushing over that morning and they, you know, I think we had a good hour to ourselves and then they wanted to take him and weigh him and do all that stuff. So they ended up coming and bringing us food and I think they brought me like a bag of grapes and a little quart of like raw milk and it was like the best thing in the world to eat after that long, yeah, laboring, and we, yeah, just spent the night in the hospital. They ended up getting us um, like sri lankan takeout, which was also amazing that night, and they did.
Shandi: 54:33
The nurses did come in like later that day and they needed to take some blood from him and I guess the phlebotomist came and was like, oh, I need to draw blood. And I was like, for what? Like she didn't really tell me more and she was like, oh, the, I guess when they took some blood from the cord for whatever testing, it was contaminated. So they needed to draw some more blood. And I was like, well, can, can that wait till later? And she was like, no, like let me go get one of the nurses. And the nurse had to like explain everything. And I was like, okay, okay, and because she had told me like, oh, it has to be an adult needle, and I was like, what does that? Even she had told me like, oh, it has to be an adult needle, and I was like, what does that? Even like you're not explaining anything, what does that even mean? And they ended up doing like a foot, you know, pricked his foot with this huge needle and trying to get like vials and vials of blood from his little foot and he's just screaming and and I was just like so horrified. And finally the nurse was like I don't think you're going to get any more blood out of like. She barely like filled up one vial and thankfully the nurse like called it. But yeah, so that was kind of annoying.
Shandi: 55:55
And then just that whole night it was people coming in and checking on you and like giving me pills and the baby in the little bassinet away from me, or you know, if I had them in bed with me, they kind of were like oh, I can't do that. Um, so it was nice to like finally get out of there. It took longer than 24 hours because they just like had a bunch of births that next day. Like a lot of women were in labor so we were kind of left alone, which was nice but also took forever to get out of there. So we ended up getting back later that Saturday and yeah, just we were able to finally like get in our own bed and settle in and be a family. And you know, fletcher's mom made us some good food and yeah, it was nice to just feel settled at that point, kind of be back to where we wanted to be. But yeah, he latched really well right away. The breastfeeding was really good.
Shandi: 57:11
If anything, I maybe like overproduced and so try and navigate that, because he would just kind of get choked out every time and my letdown was really strong and that was kind of hard because I felt like I was doing something wrong and I didn't quite understand. But we kind of figured that out after a few weeks but yeah it was, it was nice to come home and like be in our own space again and we had a meal train set up. We kind of did that while I was in the hospital because I hadn't gotten to set that up prior. So got that set up and a lot of friends and just people in the community brought food by and want a lot of support. Because, yeah, both of our families don't live up here. So it did feel a little isolating at points and think, you know, we were thinking he was coming, you know, mid to late August so and that's like busy summer tourist season. So family like my parents and his parents had rented places like later in August to be here and just timing wise, everything was a little earlier. So but it was nice to know like, okay, like a month from now, like my mom and aunts are coming up and I'll have that support then. So it was nice to have that time planned out and, yeah, having my dad come up and it was really good to, yeah, just have everybody around. I did.
Shandi: 58:54
I did think I wanted like more alone time in those early weeks, but I found having the support and people around not too much but during the day was really nice to, and Fletcher, thankfully, was able to have the first two weeks off with me of work, which was really nice for him to be home. His parents could only stay a couple days because they actually had, um, his, like his grandmother's um, memorial, like celebration of life, coming up like in a couple days. So they had to get back to vermont for that um. So we were pretty solo, I'd say that, first week. And then and we did thankfully set up a meal train, which was really helpful because you know, I thought, oh, I'd like prep all this food and freeze stuff and yeah, with him coming early, just did not have time to do any of that. So it was really amazing to like see all the different people in our community and our friends like really show up for us at that time. Um, yeah, and I think so. Normally with the midwives they will come like the next day.
Shandi: 1:00:13
But since we were in the hospital, julie ended up coming back, you know, sunday, two days after, and, just you know, did a little check in, weighed him, made sure, you know, breastfeeding was going well. She was a huge like one of the best support people to have afterwards. Because I mean, I feel like postpartum went pretty well for me, like we didn't have a ton of issues or but emotionally, like yeah, there's just so many hormones and you like can be so happy and just excited and so in love in one moment, and then just in tears and crying and not even like bad tears, but just like even just happy tears, or yeah, it was just like a roller coaster of emotions. At first, you know, I want to say like for two or three months for me, so it was really nice to know like I had Sarah to reach out to cause. She just she always really knew what to say and had really good advice. And like when I was like really doubtful about my abilities of being a mom or just whatever the situation was, she was just so supportive and that was really great to have that resource.
Shandi: 1:01:44
Yeah, and but other than that, it was just really nice to, yeah, rest or try to rest. That is always. That's hard for me especially. We had, you know, we had family come and visit, so it would be like we have a week to ourselves and then we'd have family for like five days or so visiting and we have another week and then other you know, some other family like my parents would visit or his parents, and so it was nice to kind of have breaks in between to rest.
Shandi: 1:02:15
But I noticed like when people weren't there, and especially when Fletcher went back to work, it was really hard for me to rest and not do too much. And that's when I noticed like that anxiety and depression kind of popped up is when I was pushing myself too much. So kind of had to keep that in mind. But, um, yeah, and we, I think it was really nice having a baby in the summer, even though everybody's like, oh, bummer, when you're pregnant and it's hot and it's like, oh, but then you can swim and just float and like not have to wear a bunch of clothes, like layers and everything. And then also just having your baby in the summer like to be able to go outside and like hang out in the shade and not be feel like trapped in my house and or just have the windows wide open and like really be able to enjoy that, and it helped me feel not like like I can rest and be home but not feel too cooped up.
Angela: 1:03:25
So that was really nice. Well, so now as a final question, if you were to give advice to an expecting mom, or even new parent, what would be the biggest thing that you would want to say?
Shandi: 1:03:37
I guess I mean, it's good to have some idea of, like, what your dream birth may be and how you want things to go, but not to hold on to any of the like. Don't have any strong expectations, because I I felt like that was something I dealt with a lot like early postpartum just feeling really defeated almost, and I felt bad about myself. Like I felt like it was my fault that we ended up in the hospital and it wasn't like I wasn't trying hard enough or I wasn't laboring right and wasn't strong enough, or just knowing like things are gonna go the way they go and it's okay.
Shandi: 1:04:28
And it's okay to be upset as well that was something Sarah said like like you are valid in your feelings and like, yes, the baby's good and you're healthy and everything is good, but also it's okay to be upset about that as well. So, yeah, I think it's okay to plan ahead and want a certain thing to happen, but not to get too wrapped up in those feelings. And yeah, and also I felt like reading a lot and listening to like your podcast and the birth hour podcast and just listening to birth stories was really helpful, especially as a first-time mom and not having a lot of friends with children and really understanding what the experience and you won't really understand what the experience is like until you go through it, but it's, yeah, it's really helpful to kind of listen and read and just kind of do all those things prior. So, and you know they tell you you need all this different stuff to have a baby, like babies need this and that, and it can get pretty overwhelming and you know, after having one you're just realize babies don't need a lot of things and you end up with the stuff kind of sitting around and I found that more overwhelming than helpful and we were pretty good at like asking people to get things used or kind of secondhand. And so I, if you know, know obviously you need certain things when you have a baby, but if you can find those things secondhand or you know, kind of do a more minimalist registry, I'd recommend that.
Shandi: 1:06:26
And then, if you can, if you have the resources, or instead of having people get you stuff for a baby shower, if you can like set up a postpartum or a doula fund, like I find that that would be way more helpful, um, for you and for your baby to have that resource of. And, like I said, I loved having Sarah there for just so many different reasons and I think Fletcher did like I think it was really helpful for him like being a first time dad and going through that labor process, um, and yeah, but also like in that postpartum period to like have you know a fund of whatever you may need, like, oh, acupuncture, or maybe your baby needs to go see a chiropractor, an osteopath, like maybe they have a hard time latching. Like we had a really just like a little latching, like he didn't like turning one way, so we did see the osteopath and that was really helpful for us. So, and I know those things can be really expensive.
Shandi: 1:07:33
So, instead of having you know people buy you all this stuff that you maybe use once or twice, and like set up a postpartum doula, like I kind of wish we had hired one, um, or, yeah, had had that option, even for the times when, you know, fletcher went back to work and then I was kind of solo early on and it would have been nice to, yeah, have just somebody pop in for a couple hours one day and like hold thin while I showered or, yeah, made food, and that would have been really nice.
Shandi: 1:08:24
So, and I did have a friend who came kind of like two months in and she was like a prime example of like the best, like what a birth or a postpartum doula should be just like had, just, was spot on with everything and just like I mean maybe more than what a postpartum doula would do. But, yeah, if you had a friend even that you felt really close with and who really knew you and could just like, yeah, clean your house and like make sure the stroller was packed If you're going out on a walk and like had your smoothie ready for you. Just those little things really, um, yeah, found them meaningful and really helpful in that time. So, because you're just so focused on the baby and you're healing and and it is really such a healing time. So, yeah, reaching out and getting support when you need it, those are really important.
Angela: 1:09:19
Yes, that is a great point Support, not stuff. So, oh my gosh. So thank you so much, Shandi, for sharing your story today and for joining me on the podcast.
Shandi: 1:09:33
Thanks so much for having me.
Angela: 1:09:38
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I am a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide. I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. To invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms.
Angela: 1:10:21
It's called 37 questions, to ask your care provider whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go, grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.