59. My Maine Birth: Emily’s Maine Home Birth Story
Emily: 0:00
I actually I know the time my water broke it was 1245 because another huge surge came and this huge pop, like I mean like audible, loud pop, you can hear it and it took me like a half a second to realize what happened. And then I realized and I was like, oh, my God, my, that was my water. And then the next intense sensation was just this, like burning sensation, and just I had to vomit immediately. And it transitioned. So for anybody who doesn't know, a lot of times the bag of waters will bulge through the cervix and that helps to stretch and open the cervix and then when the bag of waters breaks, when it's ready to break, the baby's head then comes down and lands on the cervix and stretches it even more and then it can begin its descent down. And that I mean that I literally like was, I felt that I felt his head drop down onto my cervix, stretching everything. I felt burning and just intensity and I had to vomit and at that moment I said it's time to call the midwife, it is time.
Angela: 1:10
I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated, whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth. These episodes are for you.
Angela: 1:39
Hello and welcome to season two of the my Main Birth podcast. Today's birth story guest is Emily, and she's going to be sharing all about her main home birth story. Emily lives in Southern Maine. She is a retired nurse, health coach, women's circle facilitator, ceremony host and sacred birth worker mentorship graduate. You can connect with her over on Instagram at birthadvocate, or you can head over to her website it's birthadvocateme, and I will have both of those linked for you over in the show notes. Hi, emily, welcome to my Maine Birth. Hey, angela, thank you so much for taking time to chat with me today. I'm excited to hear about what you do with women in Southern Maine and about your birth story.
Emily: 2:36
Yeah, yeah, I'm excited to be here.
Angela: 2:38
Thanks, so, to get started, will you share a little bit about who you are?
Emily: 2:43
Absolutely so. I am not a Maine native. I actually have been quite a gypsy most of my life. I did travel, nursing, and I kept coming back to Maine because it's so gorgeous and beautiful. And when the world went a little wild back in 2020, I was here and I just decided to kind of hunker down and see what was going on, you know, and yeah, and then we all know what happened. So I ended up meeting my partner only six months before we got pregnant through our through like the medical freedom community here in Maine, and so I mean we had a lot of shared values and that was wonderful.
Emily: 3:26
But the pregnancy wasn't necessarily planned. I wasn't totally surprised when it happened, but also, you know it was it was a surprise. At the same time, I had just finished up a really intensive few months of my life. I had started the coalition for healthcare workers against medical mandates and you know it was. It was a big time. So I had just let my job go. I had been a nurse for almost 15 years, I'd been in healthcare for like 20 years, and so it was a big tumultuous time in our lives. It was a tumultuous time in everyone's lives. But, you know, we welcomed a little soul into the world and and yeah, so I became pregnant in December, late December of 2021.
Angela: 4:15
Wow, so when you found out you were pregnant, what was your thoughts in choosing your care, with sort of everything that's going on in your background?
Emily: 4:26
Yeah. So it was a no, no questions asked that it was going to be an all natural birth at home. That's just an expression of who I am and you know my beliefs in our bodies, innate ability and the physiology of birth. You know I had my. My own birth was a medicalized birth. You know I was pulled out with forceps and, you know, separated from my mother and those kinds of things happened when I was born. But my older sister, she had had a home birth with her second child, attempted with her first Um. So you know I had had that, those imprints and those you know to follow. But also just within my own heart and soul, it was not even a question as to how I was going to give birth to this baby. I just knew that there was going to be a lot of inner work to be done and I found our midwife through some recommendations, through the medical freedom community and you know, honestly, I I'm like misprepared.
Emily: 5:29
I had interviews with several midwives, like as soon as I found out I was pregnant, I reached out to a bunch and about five days after I found out I was pregnant I started to bleed pretty heavily and I felt that this pregnancy was over and I felt that this pregnancy was over.
Emily: 5:46
I felt that it had ended because all the symptoms and all the signs of pregnancy just sort of left me and it was a lot of blood, you know. And I, I swear I saw some tissue. So I had called all these midwives and canceled and I said, listen, I don't, I don't think I'm pregnant anymore. Um, but one midwife called me back and left this really sweet message on the phone and said you know, hey, if you want to come in, maybe get some blood work, see what's going on with your body. Maybe you'll want to get pregnant in the future, you know, maybe we can just find out what's going on. And that felt good to me. So I went in and saw her and, and you know, we vibed and and I didn't even have other interviews with other midwives after that.
Angela: 6:28
So how did your pregnancy look, did you do any testing and how are you feeling like overall?
Emily: 6:35
Yeah, so my pregnancy got off to this sort of rocky start with the bleeding and you know it it was. There were so many lessons just in the very beginning of this pregnancy because I went in wanting to trust my body. But you know, all these things are happening and my life is kind of crazy and tumultuous and I immediately started handing over my intuition, what should have been my intuition. I immediately started handing that over to my midwife and her direction, and my kind of concern, fear and anxiety. So I, when I started bleeding and she tested my blood, it showed that I might still be pregnant. So I did agree to go get an ultrasound and that ultrasound showed that I was in fact pregnant, but the yolk sac was abnormal and there was a subchorionic hemorrhage and and um, and so she said that you know, the pregnancy might still be on its way out. Well, I didn't tune in and just like trust myself, which is just a lesson learned, right? So I agreed to go for another ultrasound um, about a week myself, which is just a lesson learned, right. So I agreed to go for another ultrasound, um, about a week later, cause I just wanted to know what was happening, right? Well, that ultrasound showed that it was possibly a right corneal pregnancy, which is a medical emergency. It can burst your fallopian tube. It means that the that the baby might be growing over where it shouldn't be and that would be like it could rupture. So when I got the results of that ultrasound, she told me my midwife, you need to go get another ultrasound, we need to know if this is real. And I was like at that point I was like, oh my freaking God, this is insane, cause we both, we both were talking about how it's not good to have ultrasounds, especially so early on, when the baby's so tiny, and it just it wasn't in my plan. But now it's like, oh my gosh, it could be an emergency, right? So I go and I get this third ultrasound.
Emily: 8:39
And the woman she was wonderful, thank goodness, she was only in there for like two minutes and she said, emily, this baby looks healthy, he's exactly where he's supposed to be, you're good. And I said I received that, thank you, and. And that for me was like a moment of okay, from here on out, we're doing this differently. Um, I dove super deep into all of the natural birth story podcasts out there Free birth, of course, really like, came to me and so I basically wrote up a free birth plan and handed it to my midwife and I said, I understand, you're licensed, and where, where does my free birth plan? And you being on call, where, where? How can we like make this work?
Emily: 9:28
And so we talked in at length, in detail, at the very beginning of my pregnancy. Like she said these this is what I'm supposed to do, you know, monitoring the fetal heart tones, taking your blood pressure. I don't have to do vaginal. Your placenta needs to come within an hour. Pushing phase Shouldn't be more than four hours.
Emily: 9:48
So you know, and I, and I told her, I mean I literally wrote up a whole thing Like I take full responsibility up to death, like these are, this is my informed choice and I release you of all strongholds. So we had kind of a fun time dancing back and forth with me not even really wanting to come to all my appointments, but she was going to charge me anyway, and so I said, well, we'll just build our relationship and I'll come anyway. So I had full intentions of only calling her when I felt that I really needed her, and I was, I just completely prepared, as if I were going to free birth in my mind and in my body and in my own knowledge of what was going to happen with the divine chemistry of birth and how I needed my environment to be, for me to feel the safest, the most loved and, you know, to be able to just let it unfold.
Angela: 10:51
Yeah, I really think that is such an important thing really for everyone to do, no matter where you're birthing, with whatever care you're you know receiving, because ultimately, at the end of the day, it really is just you and your baby, and that's just a great way to prepare.
Emily: 11:09
Yeah, amen. It is so important to have that sense of responsibility and, you know, not, it's not for everyone, and not everyone, not everyone is going to choose that path. I, you know, what's most important is that women feel that they are the ones making the decisions, that they feel empowered and that they feel safe. You know, and I fully honor and respect anybody who feels safe, you know, at the hospital, or you know, maybe they're just not quite ready yet to take, like, full ownership of their birth. But, you know, for myself and the women that I support in birth, it's, it's those that are ready to take responsibility. Yeah.
Angela: 11:47
Yeah, so now can you tell me about the final weeks of your pregnancy and how that kind of all unfolded leading up to your birth?
Emily: 11:58
Yes, so I was at the pinnacle of pregnancy there in late August, which was one heck of a hot summer in 2022. Yeah, so I you know, some of the greatest nuggets of wisdom that I picked up along my pregnancy education was birth is not linear, not linear at all, and you have like an eight week window, six week window, of when you could give birth to this baby, so due dates don't exist. I knew that it was a full moon on the 10th of September. I knew that it was equal day and night on. I think it was like the 23rd of September and my due date was, quote unquote, the 15th of September. So I was like this baby can come whenever he wants to come, it'll be fine. I had like this whole birth portal opening ceremony. On my week 37 day, I went and saw Emily Wilson with pelvic wisdom. She's a wonderful PT therapist. She just relocated into Freeport, if anyone's interested, and we had this beautiful meditation and I mean I had my birth space completely set up. I had all my postpartum prep in place. Week 37, I was literally ready and then some fear and anxiety crept in a little bit those next couple of weeks and I greeted that as well, like dealing with fear and releasing fear and letting that come to the table is a huge part of, you know, becoming a mother and getting ready to birth. So that was welcome as well.
Emily: 13:40
Um, and then, two days before I went into labor, I, you know that separation starts to happen. I don't know if you are familiar with Rachel Reed and that book Reclaiming Childbirth as a Rite of Passage. It's like my bible, I love it so much. But she talks about the separation phase and that can go on for a little while and I I was starting to feel, you know, like I just wanted to be home. Um, I had this urge to just get some sage lit up and walk around the perimeter of my property and like every room in my home and I just like had prayers for protection and blessings and gratitude and just really started to settle into the ceremony of birth.
Emily: 14:28
Um, and then, the day before I went into labor, I woke around three, 30 in the morning with some cramps and they did start coming in waves like every 10 or 20 minutes. Um, and it was pretty, it was subtle, but I also was starting to feel a little more, you know, separated, a little more, like going into a little bit more of that liminal space, and and then they stopped around three in the afternoon. I actually had a meeting with my midwife that evening and she asked me like how are you feeling? And I said I'm just, I'm feeling different. And I had been doing my own cervical checks and I could feel that things were really softening. I was like really juicy, there was some mucus it wasn't the whole mucus plug, but things were changing. And so then we went to bed that night and that night I was like I'm feeling different. I'm feeling different. I'm feeling different. I'm feeling was the full moon.
Emily: 15:22
The full moon peaked at 5.30 in the morning that next morning, september 10th. So I woke up at 3.30 again with cramps, and this time it was just a little, it was a little more like I wanted to get up. And so I got up and I walked around the house and I went outside and I saw the full moon and the stars and I was just feeling like, oh, I felt another wave of cr. Stars and I was just feeling like, oh, felt another wave of cramps and I thought this, this could be it. But I really was very much committed to.
Emily: 15:55
Birth is not linear. So you know, I just was rolling with it. I was just in the moment, um, I ran myself a bath, um, really nice, yummy, warm bath, and listen to my birth affirmations and I hadn't woken up my partner or anything, yeah, and they just kept coming. But it was very early labor. Nothing was established by any means. It was like every nine minutes to 20 minutes, sometimes six minutes, and they were very tolerable, yeah.
Emily: 16:24
So then Isaiah, my partner, woke up and I just immediately, like I wanted to be alone. I very much wanted to be alone and he was getting. He was. I could like feel his like anxiety. So I was like, okay, buddy, how about you go do all these things? And I gave him like this list of to do's and send them out of the house.
Emily: 16:48
And so then I just was in early labor by myself here at home until about two when he got back, and during that time I, again, using the wisdom from my education, I just I napped, I drank tons of electrolyte water, I ate little snacks, I just moved very slowly. I got all everything set up exactly how I wanted it, because I just I just, you know, I need to know everything's perfect and then I can relax, and, and then he came home around two o'clock and it's very, very important to understand for any woman out there about to give birth how, how sensitive you become. Like I'm already a highly sensitive human being, but in the birth space, when we're like really in that primal part of our brain coming into it more and more even my partner, like the father to this child, even his energy coming in and me feeling witnessed even by him, it changed things. It really did, and it started to feel like I just wasn't able to like fully be where I needed to be. It took me a little bit of time to adjust to him also being there, um, but eventually, like just a couple hours later, I started needing some counter pressure and so, like I really needed him there, I felt like and um, and yeah. So then we started that dance of him like following me around the house and holding pressure, and the surges were starting to build a little bit more, they were starting to. I was starting to vocalize a little bit, um, and a heating pad was really helpful, and so that went on for another couple of hours and we tried to nap as well. We did a lot of napping, like I did not feel any desire to like go for a walk or walk the stairs or this or that. I just I, I moved very gently, I laid down. I would get up on my hands and knees when a surge would come and then lay back down, yeah, and then things were ramping up. As the sun started to set, melatonin started to kick in as well, so like that really also helps a woman go more inward.
Emily: 19:03
Um, and I want to say it was about seven or 8 PM I went to the toilet and I had a surge on the toilet and that it was a pretty intense one. I started feeling nauseous, I started just feeling like the intensity really starting to ramp up and in my mind the they were becoming more established. At that time they were probably every five or six minutes, and so that to me, is when active labor started, kind of just as the sunset. Yeah, and I mean it is just intense. Right, it's like you do what you can to get through. I was vocalizing, I was breathing, we were using the heat and the counter pressure and just doing the dance.
Emily: 19:44
Still, I was like laying down on my side and then I would pop up when one would come and then lay back down and rest, still doing the hydration, and, um, and my midwife I did let her know earlier on in the day what was happening so that continued then for another couple of hours, and I started getting this thought in my mind get in the birth tub, get in the birth tub, get in the birth tub, get in the birth tub. And again, listening to the wisdom that I gathered don't get in too soon, right? Well, the thought just wouldn't leave. So, um, about 1130, I asked Isaiah to fill up the tub. Um, it was.
Emily: 20:23
It was getting to the point where I needed another layer of relief, so we got the tub filled up, and I got in around midnight and it felt great. Uh, well, that's kind of a lie it didn't feel great, it felt it was. It was better than what it was, but very quickly my sensations ramped up. So I I must've gotten in right at the right time, because things just got faster and quicker and more intense. And it was great, though, because I was able to really relax my body and fall asleep in between these more intense surges.
Emily: 20:58
Um, isaiah got in with me and I was. He was like leaning up against the back of the tub and I was facing him on my knees and just sort of like laying my head on his chest and falling asleep, and then a surge would come and he would put his hands on my low back and we would get through it and then I would completely just like ragdoll and rest. So that went on until I actually I know the time my water broke it was 1245, because another huge surge came and this huge pop, like I mean like audible, loud pop, you can hear it and I. It took me like a half a second to realize what happened. And then I realized and I was like, oh my God, my, that was my water. And then the next intense sensation was just this, like burning sensation and just I had to vomit immediately. And it transitioned.
Emily: 21:48
So for anybody who doesn't know, a lot of times the bag of waters will bulge through the cervix and that helps to stretch and open the cervix and then when the bag of waters breaks, when it's ready to break, the baby's head then comes down and lands on the cervix and stretches it even more and then it can begin its descent down. And that I mean that I literally like was I felt, that I felt his head drop down onto my cervix, stretching everything. I felt burning and just intensity and I had to vomit and at that moment I said it's time to call the midwife. It is time, and that is that I am so grateful for that, because I knew that she was coming and I knew that that it was going to be okay. Like I I you know what I mean Like I, I felt safe with that, knowing that she was coming. And you know, transition can last five minutes to hours and my transition period it probably lasted almost two hours and by the time she got there, I was through transition. But yeah, so transition I'll just try to maybe describe it a little bit of my experience.
Emily: 23:04
Um, I, I was fearful. I felt that I was being just like tsunami waves were just like coming over me and I was under the waves. I was not by any means riding these waves. I really felt overwhelmed, I really felt scared. However, there I had like two parts of me happening during this birth. I had the overwhelmed, like scared part and I had this really wise, like observing part, and this wise observing part was like coaching me and feeding me information and telling me what I needed to do and that it was going to be okay, and so I mean I was vocalizing like insanely, but I also started saying like I can, I can and like thanking the waves and, just like you know, turning my negative thoughts around. And I never, I never like really. Um, I never was like really like feeling like, oh yeah, I totally got this. There was always a part of me that was like holy fuck, what's happening.
Angela: 24:09
You know like this is crazy.
Emily: 24:11
But yeah, I mean, you know, we just got through it and I also was still able to pretty deeply rest in between. I just, you know ragdoll in between surges and also I had this whole playlist that I thought I was going to do, but I needed complete silence, I needed almost absolute darkness and I needed, um, not a lot of touch, but the counterpressure was super helpful and for a while there, isaiah was actually holding pressure between surges and during surges he worked very hard and we didn't have a doula and you know that whole time Isaiah really couldn't leave my side and so no one was serving us water or him water or anything. But I mean I was. I was super hydrated and well-fed from all day prepping, so like I did not feel that I needed much more. But, um, yes, so two, 30 in the morning is when the midwives arrived and by that time I was through transition. I just I was in this place in my mind where it's like, okay, like I'm in this, I'm going to get through this, here comes another, get through it. Okay, rest. Like that's where I was in my mind and I needed like total focus. I could not be disturbed and actually her instructions were to like not disturb me. You know that those were her instructions and I really wanted her to go through Isaiah and if I needed something that I would like ask Isaiah to get her. But she did come up the stairs. I heard her in the midwife, like I could hear them talking. Walking up the stairs, I saw a light go on underneath the door and like light came in and I just like instantly felt really disturbed, you know, and that was not cool. It was not cool.
Emily: 26:04
I, I like I understood in my mind that everything she was doing, like you know, she came in very like gentle energy, but like she immediately, you know, wanted my blood pressure. She wanted to ask all the questions like have you been eating? Have you been drinking? How often are you surging? Like, have you felt pushy? You know, all the normal, totally reasonable questions, but they were so disturbing, like what I wanted was for a wise woman to just like be present, you know, just to witness me, just to be there. I am going to ask for help if I need it. That's who I am, like you know. But I wanted to feel like fully empowered. You know, like I I'm going to know if something's wrong, I'm going to know if I need help. And at the same time I kind of like looking back on my birth like you know, we always have different stories that like birth stories unravel forever, and I'm wondering too, like a part of me just wasn't fully trusting, you know and others, and like not fully able to receive help perhaps, but at the same time, like I really did trust that my body was going to do this and it really was disturbing to have these questions asked. So I mean it was nice because she did honor and respect. Like I allowed my vitals and the fetal heart tones to be taken just twice and you know that's way lower than what her requirements are, but she knows she honored and I did agree to those.
Emily: 27:36
And there was a time, there was a point in time when I said, okay, you guys got to get out of the room like out, everybody out, and then I was able to finish up this birth. But let me think here there was something else. Oh, I wanted to say like I could feel him rotating inside of me. I could. I mean I was so like I could feel all of these amazing things happening inside my body, like that's how in tune I was.
Emily: 28:00
I was also doing my own cervical checks. So even though there's this part of me that's like lost and thrown around, there's also this other part of me that's like doing cervical checks and I could feel that there was a little lip of tissue still around his head. And I'm not a labor and delivery nurse and you know the now I now know that the study that showed not to push on cervical lip was done on women that were medicated on their backs in a hospital and it's complete bullshit. So, like I, you know. But I'd also heard all these stories about, you know, people being told not to push on a lip, right? Well, she had asked me do you feel pushy? And I said no. But literally the next surge had a little push at the top and I told her. I said I can feel a little lip in here and she offered to get in and push it out of the way and I there was. It was an absolute no in my mind.
Emily: 28:56
I was like there's absolutely no way that you're getting your hands in here or that I could. Yeah, yeah, that's not going to happen. So I was in my head about this little lipid tissue for a little while and she actually advised me not to push on it and I so it kind of like I was in this. I kind of got disrupted, like disturbed just a little bit, and in my mind these pushing surges started and there was absolutely no, not pushing. I physically was not pushing, my body was doing this all on its own and I attempted to like hold off, and it just made the next one so much more forceful, so much longer Like so you know it. Only it probably took maybe like five surges of me being in my head about it and trying to hold off, before I just like surrendered again and then, of course, everything opened up and the lip moves out of the way. Don't worry about the lip if you're following physiology, so yeah. So then the pushing surges were here and oh my God, you know it's a whole new situation. It's a completely new situation. It's a completely new situation. It's literally.
Emily: 30:06
I felt as though I were vomiting out. My vagina, like it is, was just like like hurling, but downward and there was no stopping, yes. So I had no concept of time, these were just happening. I completely forgot I was in labor. I just felt like I was in like a storm of intensity and I had no idea how long I'd been there. I I had no idea o'clock when I told everybody to get out, nobody was allowed in and then I had that surge of adrenaline that a woman gets right before the baby emerges, and I didn't know that was what happening. But I had this like I came back into my body and I like realized what was happening. Like I'm here, I'm in labor, oh my God. And I remember saying to Isaiah I just, I just need a moment, oh my God, I just need a moment. Like this was one of the first times that I said like I just hang on a sec, like I need a break, whoa. And I like leaned back in the tub and then all of a sudden, like I felt down again and I could feel his head starting to come out and I was like fully back in my body in this moment and I told Isaiah I said nobody comes in. Like that was my plan I'm going to be birthing this baby with only me and Isaiah in the room. So he shut the door and I think the midwife actually did like poke her head in, but he told her no and he guarded the space, which was beautiful and she respected which was beautiful. So, um, I got myself up into a half squat and another surge came and I started to feel the ring of fire and I was like, oh gosh, here we go, you know. And then I felt him rotate and so I thought, wow, you know, according to all the stories I've heard, like next surge, he's coming out right.
Emily: 32:02
Well, the next surge was the actual ring of fire. Holy crap, like that feeling of I mean, he's just he's not going to fit through here. This is crazy. So I'm like, doing this instinctual little panting breaths like a little bit of counter pressure, instinctual little panting breaths, like a little bit of counter pressure, and it didn't take me very long to realize that I just had to surrender, like again, completely and wholly, and the threshold, like I'm here at the threshold and this is what's happening.
Emily: 32:34
Um, up until that point, like with me feeling like I was just lost in the storm, I forgot I was in labor. Like I feeling like I was just lost in the storm I forgot I was in labor, like I hadn't fully embodied the reality that I was about to pass a baby through my body, that I was giving birth. But at this point, you know, I'm back in my body, like I'm ready. So, um, the next surge, his head came out and it was such a relief and I mean I just felt so calm and so present and so just everything just felt like I just was fully in trust and surrendered to this process and I told Isaiah, I said, okay, next surge, he's coming out. And it wasn't too long.
Emily: 33:15
And the next surge came and he flew out into the water and I mean I couldn't see, it was very dark, but I just instinctually reached down and snatched him right up and brought him right up to my chest and he cried immediately and you know, I could see wasn't wrapped to the cord, nowhere, like he was already like pretty pink and just I just instantly knew he is perfect, all is perfect. This is amazing, like, oh my God, you know just the holy shit. And so I'm holding my little love and then I look up and I look at Isaiah and he's just, you know, in all tears in his eyes, just, and then the midwife snuck in and I looked up at her like look what I just did. She handed me a little blanket, listened to his heart and lungs and again, like he was fine, I knew he was fine. And then I, Isaiah, had asked if I wanted to have a video and at the time, like I just I didn't want any observation at all. I was like no, and I wish I had, of course, done video. But thankfully my midwife that was her the best job she did she took pictures, live photos actually. So I ended up having a little video clip I could put it together.
Emily: 34:35
We just hung out there in the tub for I don't know, maybe 20, 30 minutes. I had been in that tub, angela, for five hours. I was so ready to get out. But you know, I learned that when a baby cries, right when they come out, you know that they're just, they're doing the transition. But if they cry again because he settled right back down and he was really calm and really sweet and really precious and just like eye gazing with us and and then he had another little cry and I was like, oh, what's going on? But I know now that's probably when my placenta separated, cause it's that. It's that last little push for them then to fully be breathing on their own.
Emily: 35:11
Um, and my placenta did come like 30 minutes or so after um I gave birth. So I think that's probably when my placenta separated. I didn't have like any major afterbirth pains or anything. I just sort of had this instinct to it's time to get out of the water. Let's see if my placenta is ready. So you know, with insanely surprising agility I hopped over the side of the tub and squatted over a bowl and there was my placenta. She was partially out. Midwife offered to guide her but I said no, I want to do it. So I pulled my placenta the rest of the way out and some you know blood clots followed, which is totally normal. And then they helped me over to the bed.
Emily: 35:56
Isaiah had the baby. He handed baby back to me. We did attempt to do a latch, but I'll maybe talk about this in a minute. But he ended up. He had a lip and a tongue tie and it was I'm a first time mom, so my nipples also didn't protrude very much. So we ended up having a little bit of a journey there, with breastfeeding in the beginning, but you know he was doing the whole little like licking thing that babies do, and like licking his hands and like licking my nipple, and just it's amazing how instinctual they are and how they know how to do this. But, yeah, so then we they left us alone that the midwives did.
Emily: 36:38
But I, I would really do this part like super different in the future, because time is so like it doesn't exist while you're in labor or right after giving labor. I, I don't have a ton of memory of that like golden time. Most of my memory is is the midwives coming in and bringing us food, wanting to, you know, cut the cord an hour later, like doing the things that you know their tasks, and me like talking with them. I, you know, in the future should I give birth again? I really like I, the only memories I want to have for a couple of hours after giving birth is just me there with my baby. That's literally all I want.
Emily: 37:23
Um, I know that they did give us like an hour, cause the photos tell me so, but, um, that time just goes so fast and you'll never get it back, you know, and I had in my mind that this, that the placenta, we weren't going to cut the cord for like hours. I don't know, I mean it, just it was in my mind. We weren't like doing a lotus birth or anything, but just you know, and after an hour it was completely white, flat, you know, absolutely fine. But I did end up reading that book, lotus Birth, which it's a little radical for me but at the same time it's got some interesting concepts, you know, areas of thought around cutting the cord before it's ready to be cut, and that is also something looking back.
Emily: 38:06
Like I asked him, cause they were ready to cut it at about an hour, cause we were going to send off the blood and find out his blood type and his if he had the MTHFR gene mutation, just some you know nerdy things that I wanted to do. So they had, like some you know, they had their tasks to do. So I asked my baby, I said are you ready to be separated from your advocate? And the precious little thing. He did take in a big deep breath and just like let it out. And I I wasn't ready, but I took that as a sign that he was, that it was okay. And then we I was like I need to take some photos of him with his advocate still attached. So hold on pause everybody and let's take some pictures. And so we did that.
Emily: 38:50
And then we were looking at his placenta and it turns out that he had a velamentous insertion. So the cord wasn't going into the center of the placenta, it like came in through the membranes, through the side, which I mean, if someone were to have done active management on me for third stage, that the cord could have very easily snapped, which would have been, um, you know, a problem. Clearly I would have been bleeding terribly. Um, not so much for him but for me, yeah. So we checked and he had the well, we cut the cords. I, you know, I asked him are you ready? He said I thought he said, yes, we did take a video of that.
Emily: 39:28
So I was able to go back and like recheck, like was it really okay? I felt kind of guilty. I put the clamp on Isaiah, cut the cord, and then I did send off my placenta for, and then I did send off my placenta for to make a tincture and I did do the capsules, encapsulate it. And honestly, you know there's a lot of talk about whether or not that's should be done, or you know this or that or whatever, but for me I noticed a huge difference as soon as I started taking them. My energy, my mood, like I, I feel like I'm still on a postpartum high, like 15 months later, like the, the chemistry was just so intact for me throughout the birth and the postpartum whether or not it was me taking my placenta or not, I'm not sure, but I didn't have any like anxiety or depression or my energy was pretty good, yeah.
Emily: 40:22
And then the midwife served us some food and we were exhausted. We passed out around eight 30. So he was born at four 53, just to keep the timeline in mind, and we were asleep by eight 30. They left and then we didn't wake up until it's almost close to one in the in the afternoon that day, woke up and had our little babe there. And you know it's like we don't only give birth to a baby, we give birth to a family. You know we give birth to a mother, give birth to a father and oh and then that whole transition period is just incredible.
Angela: 41:08
It's hard to put that part into words, you know just honor, that is so is so important, if you can. You know, I know sometimes like life gets in the way and people come to visit, or sometimes you know partners have to go right back to work or but yeah, I'm, it's really, really sacred.
Emily: 41:30
So it is and, and you know I planned very, very, very intentionally for the postpartum and because I wanted to do things a little differently than, you know, culture might expect. There were some boundary issues to deal with with, like people wanting to come visit and stuff, and and I think I would be a little less rigid um with uh, with another baby, should I have another? But that's what I needed for this one. You know like I needed to have my space. I wasn't ready to be witnessed in that insanely vulnerable space and I really wanted that. All the time that I needed to bond with my baby, to see his cues, to start to learn him, to understand him.
Emily: 42:14
For you know just the sense of smell for a newborn it's so intense.
Emily: 42:18
Like you, you don't want him to be mixing smells with, like all these different people and like, energetically, I you're, you're first wide open after giving birth and that little baby is so like freshly ready to imprint on everything. It's so important to have that time, very, very, very like sacred, nasty little time so that you can learn your baby, so that you can heal. You know, absolutely should not be up running around. I mean, I always like to say this too like even the most natural physiological birth is traumatic, like it's like a train runs through you. I mean, it takes a long time to get your body back in order to like heal up. Like I remember the first time I got up out of bed and like didn't have a pelvic floor, like Whoa, what is that? Like not having a pelvic floor and just you know, bleeding and your milk coming in and just it's a very vulnerable time and every woman should get the space that she needs to make that transition, whether or not it's her first baby or not. You know, yeah, it's a lot.
Angela: 43:35
Yeah, it really is. So would you be able to share a little bit more about the boundaries that you decided to set with family members for your, like, immediate postpartum and how that kind of went?
Emily: 43:47
Yeah, yeah, sure. So like I am misprepared, you know I've been researching and doing all the things and I wrote my mother and Isaiah's mother and Isaiah's mother. I wrote it all down just to keep it and I put links to like articles and books and things about like why it's important for these first 40 days to be like so sacred and honored, and that my choice was that, at least until I was ready, I didn't even tell him when I said I just I don't want to be asked. You know I, when I'm ready, I will invite y'all over. That's just how it's going to be. You know I, when I'm ready, I will invite y'all over. That's just how it's going to be. You know, like, just trust me, respect me please, like yeah and um.
Emily: 44:29
Unfortunately it was not received very well by my partner's mother and so we had we had a lot to work through there at the end of my pregnancy and I ended up saying yes, about two weeks after the baby was born, for her to come visit, and it still felt early to me like it still felt uncomfortable for me, but there was also that part of seeing her joy, you know, and seeing Isaiah's joy, and that was really special too.
Emily: 45:00
So I think it all happened when it was supposed to and and I really asked Isaiah to be the boundary holder for that for me, cause, like, while I was pregnant dealing with that, it was one of the more significant issues that like came up during my pregnancy and I just like I had to say, like listen, I this is not what I'm supposed to be dealing with. As a pregnant woman of you know, bringing this baby into the world, so like it's, it's your job as the man, the masculine energy, to like handle that, and you know, and I very much believe that like that is a man's role, very much as to like hold the container or this woman doing the greatest work on this planet. Yeah.
Angela: 45:39
Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. Now would you share a little bit more about your postpartum time? After that you said, like how was breastfeeding? You said you had a lip and tongue test. So how, yeah, that sort of work out and resolve, um, yes so I will tell our experience.
Emily: 46:00
I don't know that I would ever like recommend for a mother to do anything other than what her intuition says, um, but for me, we ended up we used a nipple shield because it was pretty. Pretty quickly we realized that he was not latching very well, and so my midwife gave us a nipple shield and that was wonderful. Like he was able to latch. My milk came in, like it was insane, I had so much milk and he gained so much weight so fast. But I just, you know, I didn't know, I didn't know what was going on. I, like my baby, needs to breastfeed. Preserving this breastfeeding relationship is number one priority right now. And it was recommended that we have the lip and the tongue lasered. And you know my entire goal, like all the work that I did, was for this baby's entrance into this world to be the most gentle, the most preserved, like the, the most just, easeful, and he did. He had that entrance, but at just 10 days of life we went and had his lip and his tongue lasered and it was very traumatic for me and him, like I, of course, wanted to be in the room with him and and it was hard, it was so hard to watch that. And then you have to do these little exercises afterwards like touch the areas that got lasered and, do you know, like your fingers in his mouth, and he hated that too. And and you know, we had one chiro appointment but I just I didn't really feel that that was going to be an issue that was taken care of by chiropractics. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't. So the laser was very traumatic.
Emily: 47:37
We continued using the nipple shield until about six weeks was when he finally was able to latch without it. And I had a lactation consultant come in and goodness I, she was amazing, this old retired midwife, like salt of the earth, and she, finally she told me the words I needed to hear was there is no perfect latch, like there's no perfect way to do it. If he is getting milk and it doesn't hurt, you, it's a good latch. Like don't worry about this, that this, that like positioning is the areola all the way in, like all these things. Like if he's getting milk and it doesn't hurt, you're good. And that's all I needed to hear. Right, um, so yeah, so it was six months I mean six weeks after we finally I was able to get him to latch without the nipple shield, and it's been absolutely a phenomenal breastfeeding journey since then. He's now 15, almost 16 months old, and I'm like are we on a night wean? What's happening here?
Angela: 48:47
happening here Like yeah, no, he's still going super strong, oh my goodness. So I was also wondering would you share a little bit about your mother blessing?
Emily: 48:53
Yeah, I'd love to. Um, mother blessings are my favorite, um, yeah, so I had a mother blessing hosted by a friend of mine at a friend of mine's beautiful land, and I just invited in all my women friends. You know, like this is the time for a woman to like, call in her tribe, call in her village, call in her community, and you know, one of the most amazing things about it is, well, you can do these in so many different ways, but the way we had structured mine was each woman spoke to me, the you know the qualities in me that she, that she sees you know, like what she honors and respects, and like my power and my strength, and so they're just like infusing, reflecting into you like all of the amazingness that you are. And then, and then I, I get to speak. My dream birth, you know like, speak it out into the world and be witnessed, and I just read it the other day and it is almost exactly like how it went down. My dream birth was almost exactly, and you know you also have the opportunity to speak any fears that you'd like to be witnessed and speaking and releasing them. Um, we did a really fun thing where you know you also have the opportunity to speak any fears that you'd like to be witnessed and speaking and releasing them. We did a really fun thing where you know you wrap the red thread around everyone's wrist, they say their prayers and blessings into the red thread, cut it off and then they wear it until you go into labor, and I did.
Emily: 50:17
I had this text thread with all of those women and I text them when I was in labor and then I text them, um, right after my water broke and I said water broke, game on like pray now, and a couple of them were new mamas too, so they were awake, you know, at one o'clock in the morning, like I didn't read the texts until later, but they all were messaging back like praying for you mama. So you know it's just, it's really like important. So you know it's just, it's really like important, you know, because you're gathering your village, you're, you're honoring the mother. You know it's really, we need to take care of the mothers. It's mothers will take care of the babies.
Emily: 50:51
It's just, it's this shift in the, in the culture and the paradigm of old ways of, you know, having a baby shower. Like my family wanted to throw me a baby shower and I was like I to throw me a baby shower and I was like I would really love all that money to go into my postpartum body work fund. But if you really must throw me a baby shower, okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna just have this experience as well. But what I wanted was my, my mother blessing and then, you know, postpartum body work donation fund. Yeah, and, of course, I learned through this first pregnancy like the things that you do and don't need and things that you don't need are much longer than the list you know that you do need to take care of a baby. As far as baby showers go, yes, I totally agree.
Angela: 51:38
And also just a side note, there's this really great website called Be Her Village that you can sign up for support and not stuff. So for people that are still having baby showers, you can have like sort of a baby registry, but for postpartum doulas or yeah, basically whatever support you need.
Emily: 51:59
Yes, that's amazing, that's amazing, thank you.
Angela: 52:02
Yeah, and I love that you said your dream birth was sort of almost exactly how it played out. There's definitely something to say about that exercise and manifesting your birth and going over that dream birth experience multiple times throughout your pregnancy.
Emily: 52:20
Absolutely so important to visualize, to just it's. It's like that embodiment. You know you have to see it before you can fully embody it. But I mean I, yeah, I absolutely manifested what it was that I wanted and and I, you know, I I know it doesn't always work out that way for women and that's also like a part of the birth preparation is being understanding and open to like you can make your birth plan, you can have your dream birth, but at the end of the day, the only plan that's going to work out is like fully surrendering and just knowing what your options are and having a birth team around you, whether it's just your partner hopefully you have a doula, like I would have a doula in the future but you know people that know what it is that you want and then can help you know, guard and protect and advocate for you.
Emily: 53:11
I'm a very strong person Like I. I knew that even in the throes of labor, even though I'd never experienced labor, like I knew I was going to be able to use my voice. I knew it. I had no doubts. But that's not. I also like know the medicalized system very well.
Emily: 53:26
You know and like I, yeah, but not everybody has that, and so that would be like a definite word of advice for people is you know, have your dream birth, have your dream plan, have your birth team, have all of that, but then just also understand that it is completely about surrender at the end of the day, and love and safety. Like you need to feel loved and you need to feel safe. The same energy that impregnated you and who's, the same energy that's going to get that baby out. It's all one in the same. It's so important to stack the conditions in your favor to do everything you can to make the environment a safe place. Like would you make love in front of these people that you are giving birth in front of? Because that's a very real question to ask yourself.
Angela: 54:17
Yeah, yeah. I love how you brought up the topic of surrender multiple times throughout your story, because I completely agree that it's just it's so important and really just ultimately connected to everything you brought it up a few times. And and when you're able to surrender, that's when things started to progress and, you know, move more.
Emily: 54:39
Yeah, it's when we're in that state of resistance that we're, you know, tensing and holding back and just not allowing. I mean, birth is going to happen to us, like a woman in a coma is going to give birth. A lot of people don't know that, but, like you will give birth if you're in a coma. It is a physiological process. It's the mind that really gets in the way most of the time. Not all of the time, of course, like there's always, like you know, there's like 10% of births that need, you know, intervention or somewhat, or help or whatever, but almost all of the time, surrender and just trusting in this physiological process that's unfolding and allowing. You know, yeah, we get in the way with our minds a lot of the times yeah, you have a birth business also, right, are you?
Angela: 55:32
what do you? What do you do? Would you be able to share a little bit more about that?
Emily: 55:35
yeah, I'd love to. So I call myself the advocate. I am able to marry up my extensive 20 year history working in the medical field and all of my extensive knowledge about informed consent and, you know, interventions and things in that that that they may want to do with also my embodied experience and my own giving birth. And then also, you know, I have about 10 years of history of just getting my own body in order, like trusting my own body, healing some chronic illnesses that were showing up in different ways for me and just fully, you know, really, like, really true health is taking responsibility for our bodies, for everything that goes into our bodies, whether it's, you know, food or thought or you know all of the things in the environment that affect the way that we show up, and not being a victim. You know, a lot of times with the medicalized system, it's people that haven't taken responsibility yet for themselves. So what I offer in the birth space is is I help women get really prepared and we go into the deep, deep, deep places too, like I'll go as deep as someone wants and in fact, when people do their discovery call with me, like I'm asking them how deep are you willing to go Like are you really willing to take full responsibility? So you know, we, we go through and explore things like their red thread lineage, like what is their own birth imprinting, what is their you know relationship to their menstrual cycle, what is their relationship to their body, their sexuality, their you know relationship to their breasts, their vulva, like all of the things that come up very much so in the birth space. And we do fear release and we do dream birth visualization and I help them prepare for postpartum.
Emily: 57:31
I sit with women in the birth space. I will attend free births. I actually let my license expire so I'm no longer licensed as a registered nurse, so I have a you know form, everybody's signs. I'm not here in any kind of medical capacity, I'm here just as a witness, um, and then I also attend home births and I would consider hospital births. But it would just have to be like the right resonance. You know, I would be happy to help a person attempt to have a physiological birth in a hospital. I think that's very difficult to do, but if there's anyone that can stand firm and be the advocate in a hospital, it would be me.
Emily: 58:16
I'm more so calling in the women that are having natural births at home and, um, and yeah, I think I feel like this because it is new Like I opened up the doors to take in birthing mamas, um, earlier on this past year. Um, and I just feel like it's growing, like there's so much more that's going to be evolving and as I feel into like my soul calling and my soul path and what I'm supposed to be doing in this world. It's like I'm just I'm also surrendering, I'm letting it unfold as it wants to. Um. Another big passion of mine, though, is gathering women and hosting women's circles, so that's what I'm going to be starting up here in January, here at my home in new Gloucester yeah, hosting some women's circles. I used to do that a while back, and it's just time to get it back on the schedule. It's the most nourishing thing ever gathering the women and, um, yeah, just getting into like feminine embodiment and making sure we all know about her story and healing that sisterhood wound, you know her story and healing that sisterhood wound.
Angela: 59:26
You know, yeah, oh my gosh, I love it. I love that you're doing those women's circles and just all of it. That's, that's amazing. So how can we get ahold of you? Where can people find you?
Emily: 59:33
The best place is Instagram. I'm at birthadvocate. My website is birthadvocateme. You can email me, connect at birthadvocateme and, yeah, reach out.
Angela: 59:50
Awesome, I will link all of your information in the show notes. And yeah, thank you so much, emily, for sharing your story today. It was such a pleasure to talk with you.
Emily: 1:00:00
Yeah, thank you. I'm so glad you're doing this podcast too. It's so needed, and I so appreciate you.
Angela: 1:00:07
And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth Podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. I hope that the stories shared here have been inspiring or informative to all of my listeners. If you're looking to capture your own birth story or for doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and experienced doula, and I offer in-person services throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.
Angela: 1:00:47
I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider Whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and some of the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.