65. My Maine Birth: A Maine Home Birth involving a Hospital Transfer, Natalie’s Story

Natalie: 0:00

I labored all through that night, sleeping on and off through contractions as I could, and then into the next day and they were like okay, now things are getting close together, they're getting actually intense. So let's set up the birthing tub, you know, get that all ready to go. And man, getting in that water was the best feeling ever. It did not stall out my labor at all, but like it made me feel a lot better and it was so much easier to like reposition yourself. I feel like you know, everyone knows this when you're, when you're on land versus when you're in water, you just feel a million times more graceful in water and especially when you're pregnant, you're like trying to get around this big basketball on your front and it's difficult and uncomfortable and every position is mildly uncomfortable. You just kind of pick the one that's the least uncomfortable for you in that moment. But in the water you can just kind of like float around and easily turn yourself any which way you want, and it was really nice.

Angela: 1:00

I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth, a space where we share the real-life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 65 of the my Main Birth podcast. Today's birth story guest is Natalie, and she shares all about her main birth story.

Angela: 1:48

I had the chance to chat with Natalie two weeks ago when she was nine months pregnant, and the day after we recorded this episode, she gave birth to her second child. So congratulations to Natalie and her family. She'll be back to share that story one day soon, but for today, she's going to share all about her first birth story, which was originally going to be a birth center birth and then, because she moved, it made sense for her to switch to planning a home birth, although ultimately she did decide to transfer her care to a hospital where she was still able to follow her intuition and deliver her baby vaginally. All right, let's get to it. Hi, Natalie, Welcome to my Main Birth. Hello, hey, thanks for taking the time to chat with me while you wait for baby number two to arrive.

Natalie: 2:44

Gives me something to do, you know.

Angela: 2:47

So to jump right into it, will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Natalie: 2:53

Sure, so I'm Natalie. Let's see, I got married in the summer of 2021. And we I was on birth control at the time. So you know, at first there wasn't anything. But then, probably a month into our marriage, we both were talking about it and I was like I don't really like how I feel, are we prepared in case I go off of it and then we get pregnant? And he was like, yeah, sure, whenever is fine. You know, like we weren't trying, but we weren't not trying. So then, pretty quickly after that it was like a month after I stopped taking birth control that I found out that we were expecting. So I was crazy.

Natalie: 3:38

We met in college from Pennsylvania. I moved up here first because my family, like I, had extended family up here that I was living with. And then he moved up here first because my family, like I, had extended family up here that I was living with. And then he moved up here when we got married. So it was a lot of transition, a really short period of time. Getting married, him, moving up him, you know, starting full-time work and then finding out that we're expecting a baby was a lot in a very, very short period of time. But I wouldn't, I definitely wouldn't change it in hindsight, but a very, very short period of time. But I wouldn't. I definitely wouldn't change it in hindsight.

Natalie: 4:06

But in the at that period of time it was like kind of stressful, kind of a lot. There was a lot of stress at that time because my family had moved to New York and his family was in Pennsylvania, so like we were really, really isolated. We didn't have a lot of support up here. And then, yeah, find out, we were expecting. It was funny. He was like so stressed to tell his parents I don't know why he's like I feel like they're going to be disappointed. I'm like why would they be disappointed? But we aimed for, we decided to go through the midwives, which is interesting because for the longest time I was that person.

Natalie: 4:48

That was like you know, my mom had nine, nine and a half pound babies. His mom had nine and a half 10 pound babies. So I was like ain't, no way. My mom had three C-sections for various different reasons and so I was like I'm just going to do voluntary C-section, like go in all of that.

Natalie: 5:06

And then I worked at the hospital for a while and was frequently assigned to the labor and delivery floor and started to actually like learn stuff about labor and delivery. And I learned that you know, a C-section is not really just a little procedure that you like pop in and they take the baby out and then it's hooray off, we go. No, it's like a really invasive abdominal surgery. And so then I started, you know, kind of rethinking things and educating myself. And I had a couple friends who were much more on the crunchy side and very, very into natural birth and all of that. So I started like really educating myself and learning all of that.

Natalie: 5:43

And so by the time I found out I was pregnant myself, I was like we're going to go with midwives and we're going to do that. And we went with Holly number seven in Bangor. So, yeah, that's that's kind of how we got started, which is crazy that I like 180 from that it feels like in such a short period of time. And then we were also the other thing was cost. We were looking at the cost and the insurance that he had through his work. We were gonna be paying more out of pocket to go for an in-hospital birth than we were gonna be paying to like do midwifery care out of hospital. So you know, they did the interview and they were like, yeah, there's no reason for you to not qualify for out of hospital care. It's a low risk pregnancy, all of that stuff, and we decided to go with them.

Angela: 6:30

Wow, oh my gosh. Yeah, that's really interesting how you had that shift in mindset and you can like really have you know one idea about it and then be like wait a minute and the more you learn it's like wait, maybe. Maybe I want something different learn.

Natalie: 6:46

It's like wait, maybe, maybe I want something different, right? Yeah? Yeah, they gave me the the mama natural pregnancy book, which I liked so much I actually bought myself a copy, uh, cause there's just so much information packed in there. And so then I just really got on like this education, kick around birth and pregnancy and all of that stuff. And then we at the time we lived in a teeny, teeny, teeny tiny apartment and we were maybe five minutes from the birth center because we lived in Bangor, and so I was going to just do it at the birth center. I was going to. You know, they have a really, really nice environment there, beautiful setup. I was so pumped. I'm like, yes, this is where I want to give birth.

Natalie: 7:27

Like in our apartment it was so small, we didn't even have a bathtub, we had just one of those teeny tiny little standing showers and that was it. So you know, to see their really nice big jacuzzi tubs, I'm like, oh, yeah, I want that. I kind of had my heart set on like a water birth or at least a lot of labor spent in the tub, because I just I really wanted that and that was our initial plan. And then our apartment was really too small for the two of us. So it was definitely going to be too small for two people and a baby. And our neighbors were kind of sketchy and the neighborhood was really sketchy and so we started looking at places to move to and the way the housing market was at the time it was like the same amount. We were going to end up paying the same amount of money for, or even less for, a mortgage that we would pay for rent. So we were like what the heck? Let's just apply for a mortgage. And you know the worst they say is no. And then we move on with apartment hunting and we actually, surprisingly, got approved.

Natalie: 8:34

So then we started house hunting while I'm pregnant and my first trimester was no cakewalk. I did. I fortunately do not have hyperemesis, but like I had a very, very rough first trimester, I lost, I think, 15 pounds because I was just throwing up all the time and we were both working and one time I miscalculated how long I had before I was going to be sick, cause usually you know you feel the queasiness, especially if you throw up pretty frequently. You know, you know how much time you have between feeling queasy and I'm actually going to puke. And so one time I miscalculated that and I literally stopped at a red light, opened the car door, threw up out the car door, closed it and kept driving because I had to get to my next client.

Natalie: 9:19

Um, so we had all of that stress going on and then trying to find a new place to live and man getting a mortgage I don't know if it was the company we were working for, because they put us with kind of a newer underwriter, I guess but there was just so much back and forth with the documents and I was working two jobs at the time and he was just working the one job but his W-2s or his pay stubs came out every couple of weeks. So I would submit to them the pay stubs from all of our various jobs. And then they would like take too long to process the documents and be like we need updated documents because these are out of date. And I'm like, well, they wouldn't have been out of date if you had used them when I gave them to you. And so it was just so much back and forth and like that added so much stress to the pregnancy and like the one kind of calming part of it was the birth center and like I looked forward to those visits every time we got to go.

Natalie: 10:21

One thing that I've noticed is hugely different with midwifery care compared to like obstetrical care, is the length of the visit. Like I've never really felt rushed with the obstetrical care but at the same time it's just like a very quick in and out, like do you have any questions? If you don't have any questions, we'll see you at your next visit. With the midwifery care, you know you come in and you sit down and they're like do you want some water? Like we have some tea? They usually have you do like a urine test. They check for all kinds of things with that test every time just to, because they focus a lot on preventative care, so they want to get ahead of stuff. And then they do ask if you have any questions. But they also like spend a lot of time educating you and your partner on birth and like what to expect and you know what steps we take in different scenarios and all of this stuff. And it was just like very slow, paced and relaxed and homey feeling and, in my opinion, feels like what I imagine birth should be like, where we're women who have experience with it. Take the time to like educate women who don't have experience and really help them understand everything that kind of goes on and remove like the fear of the unknown from it. Obviously every birth there's still unknowns because it's all gonna to go who knows what way, but there's like a lot you can learn about it. That kind of helps, I guess, calm your mind knowing that, even if XYZ happens, we have these steps that we take or like.

Natalie: 11:55

This is not something that's highly unusual. This is something that happens pretty regularly. I remember I think it was pretty early on in my pregnancy, like maybe month two or three I got severe chest pain. It was so bad that like I felt like I couldn't breathe. We went to the emergency room and we sat there. They took me in right away and did the test to make sure I wasn't having a heart attack and I didn't have any blood clots, and then we sat in the waiting room for four hours, turned into five hours. Nothing happened. So then we went home and I was like I'll just deal with it, I guess.

Natalie: 12:31

And then in the middle of the night it got so bad again that I was like no, we need to go back to the emergency room, went back to the emergency room. This time we were there for seven hours. We finally got taken back into a room and were seen by a doctor and they were like nothing's emergent. Here's extra strength Tylenol, take one. And sent us home. And that was it. I was like what, what do you mean? Nobody told me what was wrong with me, nobody told me what could be wrong with me. There was no checkup, no follow-up, nothing. They just said take extra strength Tylenol and send me off. And it was like really upsetting and frustrating and stressful.

Natalie: 13:09

And then I think it was maybe a week after that, I had my next appointment with the midwives and I come in and I mentioned the chest pain and they go oh yeah, you know, a lot of times with pregnancy, the cartilage in your chest can swell and that can cause a lot of pain and issues.

Natalie: 13:23

Yeah, so simple and straightforward and not even an uncommon symptom, and not a single person at the hospital thought to say hey, maybe it might be this. You know like they don't have to run tests to confirm it, cause it's not threatening in any way. And they've confirmed that there is nothing life threatening that's happening, but at the same time, like you don't think, oh, that pregnant mom is probably really stressed out about what's happening to her and she's uncomfortable and in pain. Like I could offer her a potential explanation for what might be happening just to set her mind at ease. And like none of that happens in that way that the midwives really like take their time and talk to you and walk you through stuff and just they, they make it all feel normal because it is normal, but like they make it feel really normal and, um, help you understand what's happening to you and your body and your baby that you're growing inside of you.

Angela: 14:25

So how did the rest of your pregnancy look then, as you continued care and prepared for your birth?

Natalie: 14:31

So getting into the second trimester I think it was like 14 weeks I finally stopped throwing up, which was a wonderful relief, and then I really just kind of doubled down on like my work and getting the house set and I was just like really throwing myself and all of my attention into things to distract myself from this pregnancy. Um, cause, I was really really stressed about the pregnancy. I had a couple of people who were close to me who had gone through. One of them was Victoria Actually, you had her on your podcast and she had the late term miscarriage and so I'd witnessed that. So I knew like even second trimester wasn't safe to me. And then I had some family members who had had multiple miscarriages, mostly earlier on, but still like that was like constantly in my brain as like this baby isn't safe, like nothing is safe. So I was trying to constantly distract myself from that and so there was a lot of anxiety around the pregnancy. But the rest of it, like health-wise was really easy, care-wise was really easy. Then finally in I think December, we found the house that we wanted and then February we actually closed on the house and so that was like a huge weight off because that was stressful with that whole thing. And then we moved and into my third trimester we are living 30 minutes away from Bangor now, which both of us were working in Bangor and Scott's job at the time he had to get up and be out the door by four 30. Cause he had to be at work and starting work at five. So every and we only had one vehicle, so every morning I was getting up at four, getting out the door by four 30, he was dropping me off at my office and I was either like taking a nap on the floor or just starting work super duper early and like getting in a couple of extra hours In the meantime for like the next month and a half two months till I went into labor pretty much. So yeah, it was just a very like hectic and stressful experience around that whole pregnancy.

Natalie: 16:53

And then I started around I think it was it was either 37 or 38 weeks I started having prodromal labor. For anyone who doesn't know what that is, it's basically fake labor where your body starts having contractions and they're typically about five minutes apart and lasting a minute long, but they're not as intense as actual contractions and they don't cause any dilation. So that was super fun to get faked out a bunch of times by my own body where it's like this is labor. Nope, just kidding, it's not. So I had that.

Natalie: 17:29

And then I hit week 39 and there was absolutely nothing. I was so convinced that, like stuff was happening soon. I was going to have a quick labor, she was going to come soon. Well, at the time, actually, we didn't know what we were having because both his parents and my parents had all of their kids be surprises. So for her, we were like, yeah, let's do the surprise thing. And 39 weeks, all the signs and symptoms that labor was coming completely stopped, like gone. And I was like, well, this is great, I'm just going to be, I'm going to be pregnant forever, going to be pregnant until I'm an old lady. Like this baby is never coming out.

Natalie: 18:08

And we talked to the midwives and they were very calm about it. They were like, look, you know, when we get to 42 weeks, we can talk about your options if you want to transfer into hospital care. But they were like, really, it's really. First of all, it's really rare anyone goes far past that. And second of all, they were like there have been plenty. Like we just monitor the health of the baby and so long as baby's healthy and happy, there's really no reason to force them out of there before they're ready to go. So we were like, okay, you know, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it, I guess.

Natalie: 18:40

And two days after I hit my due date I rolled out of bed in the morning because, fortunately, I wasn't working that day, I was at home and it was about 7am and I rolled out of bed in the morning because, fortunately, I wasn't working that day, I was at home, and it was about 7 am and I rolled out of bed, got stood up and it was like a movie, just everything just just came out at once A big gush, my, my mucus plug, bloody show water, all just like happened at one time. A big pop everywhere. And so you know, I texted Scott and I was like, don't don't panic, but you know today's the day she's coming today. I was super excited and contractions didn't start right away, but they did start pretty soon after that. They were very mild, you know, and I was determined to not be that like overzealous first time mom where I do all the things.

Natalie: 19:27

Yeah, that that didn't happen because it's so hard, you're just, you've waited so long for your baby and even now in my second pregnancy, I feel this way as well, where it's like you've waited so long. It's really hard, when you have signs and symptoms of labor, to not do all the things to encourage it to hurry up, because you're just, you're just so ready to meet this person that you've been growing inside you for nine months. And so you know, I did all the things. I did tons of walking, especially curb walking. Um, I had friends come over I lots of food.

Natalie: 20:00

The midwives came by because when we had bought the house, I actually decided to switch it to a home birth because we were 30 minutes away and I was like I don't want to spend 30 minutes driving in a car having contractions to get to a place that feels like home, when I could just do it at home. So they came over to check on me because, of course, I told them right away when my water broke and they were just kind of like they obviously wanted to keep checks really, really limited, because there is a higher risk of infection when your water's broken, and they were like yeah, you're only one centimeter, so don't stress it, just chill, take your time relax. I should have definitely done more relaxing in the earlier paper, but I was just so excited and I was so convinced. I was like I'm going to be that that success story that you know it's my first time and I only have like a four hour labor. That story that you know it's my first time and I only have like a four hour labor.

Natalie: 20:53

No, so it got into the evening and Chris came to the house which she's one of the bent wives who works at Holly and kind of like set herself up on the couch and cause contractions were getting more intense. I wasn't able to like talk through them. They weren't super, super intense, but I was having to like pause what I was doing and focus on getting through each contraction. And then what ended up happening was because of the timing of it. I labored all through that night, sleeping on and off through contractions as I could, and then into the next day and they were like okay, now things are getting close together, they're getting actually intense. So let's, let's set up the birthing tub, you know, get that all ready to go.

Natalie: 21:34

And man, getting in that water was the best feeling ever. It did not stall out my labor at all, but like it made me feel a lot better and it was so much easier to like reposition yourself. I feel like you know, everyone knows this when you're, when you're on land versus when you're in water, you just feel a million times more graceful in water and especially when you're pregnant, you're like trying to get around this big basketball on your front and it's difficult and uncomfortable, and every position is mildly uncomfortable. You just kind of pick the one that's the least uncomfortable for you in that moment. But in the water you can just kind of like float around and easily turn yourself any which way you want and it was really nice.

Natalie: 22:17

And Scott was actually having I wouldn't say a good time necessarily, but like a decently good time as far as you can as a partner when your partner's in labor, because they were constantly giving him stuff to do, they were like here, you know, um, he used so much hot water filling up the tub or the birthing pool that they were like here, you know, start boiling pots of water on the stove so that we can keep the water nice and warm for her. And then they were like bring her snacks, get rid of that trash bag, because it was a scented trash bag and it made me me want to get like gag. The smell of it was so strong Like I want to murder someone for that. So they were just like constantly giving him things to do. They would switch out with him, be like here, you know, sit with her, massage her shoulders, hold her hands, all that stuff. So it was really nice, cause, I mean, he had had all the same education I did, cause he came to all of the um, all of the appointments with me.

Natalie: 23:15

But at the same time, it's really easy the first time to just get really overwhelmed by everything that's happening and like you may have this whole plan of like, well, here's what I'm going to do as a pain countermeasure, or you know, this is my special technique. But unless you've, like consistently practiced that throughout your pregnancy, when it gets to the moment it's all going to just leave your brain, because your brain just goes into fight or flight for the most part, especially if you're not appropriately prepared for how intense contractions can be. Your body's going to be like oh my gosh, I'm in pain, what do I do? And kind of freak out. So it was really helpful to have people there who were, you know, very calm, very soothing, very reassuring, very. Here's what we're going to do to help with that.

Natalie: 24:03

And it actually got to the point where, like my contractions were two to three minutes apart, lasting a minute each, and they started saying they were like you know, let us, let us know if you feel the need to push. And it was funny at this point we actually had a midwife that we had never met before as one of the two attending the home birth. Because I had labored so long, I went into like a period of time in which it was Chris on call and then like nobody else. So they called a backup midwife from a different practice. Her name was Nicole and I think she's from heritage midwives I think that's what they're called. It's a family practice, she's a certified nursing midwife, but yeah, so this person I had never met before and she was just, she was very sweet, she ended up being like our saving grace through this um, through this birth. And it's just so funny, like looking back at it, how she walked in my door a complete stranger and then like walked out of our lives, being like our favorite person in the world.

Natalie: 25:08

So I just I kept being in labor into kind of towards that afternoon and they had checked me once or twice while I was in the tub and I was at a four and they were like, okay, we're going to check you one more time and you really need to, like, get in bed. And Chris gave me a homeopathic tincture to help alleviate the contractions for just a little bit so I could take a nap. Because they were like we can tell your body is getting really, really tired. So I did that, I took a nap and they said after your nap we're going to check you one more time. If there hasn't been any progress, then we're going to talk about what we want to do, taking steps forward. So they checked me again zero progress.

Natalie: 25:48

I was still at a four and they said we really think that it would be in your best interest at this point to go to the hospital, get an epidural so you, your body, can rest because you're just, you're worn out, you are fried. So you know I had gone into this with the mindset of interventions are there when we need them and they're good when we need them. And I'm so glad I had that mindset because even though it was disappointing to be like, oh, I'm not going to have like a home water birth, like I wanted to. At the same time, it wasn't like devastating to me. In hindsight, looking back at my birth, I have like zero regrets around my birth. I don't. I don't regret how we handled anything. I don't feel like I was. Obviously I wasn't pressured into interventions, but you know all of that. It just went really, really smoothly. So we, you know, packed a quick bag, headed over to the hospital.

Natalie: 26:43

We decided to go to Mayo because we were right in the middle between Eastern Maine and Mayo Regional Hospital, and we decided to go there because, at the time, eastern Maine still had their one person policy in place, and so Scott would have been my only support person, and while he is very supportive, he again didn't know what he was doing. This was the first birth he'd ever experienced wouldn't be able to advocate for me in any way, shape or form, like he would be about as good an advocate for me as I would have been for myself being in active labor, because we about had the same amount of power to say yes, this is definitely what I want, this is not what I want. Can we talk through the pros and cons of this Whatever? So Mayo was allowing in a doula, so we brought Nicole was able to come with us as our doula. She wasn't able to stay the whole time, but she was able to stay pretty late, which was awesome. So she was also just so amazing to have in that moment because the entire time as we're getting ready to go to the hospital as once we get to the hospital and she's there she's just constantly reminding us. She's like look, don't be discouraged, because this wasn't for nothing. Like, all of this that your body has done up until this point is gonna help you the next time you go and give birth. She's like, even if this ends in your like least favorite option, which is a C-section, she's like, even that all of the work that you've done up until that point is going to is going to help your body the next time around. And so just don't like. She was just really really encouraging and uplifting in that and that was so helpful to have, especially because, again, it was not my, it was not my dream birth experience, um, not my ideal outcome, but it was. It was pretty good.

Natalie: 28:29

So we get in the car to go to the hospital. That was the worst car ride of my life, cause, again, my contractions are still coming every two to three minutes. They're lasting a minute. They feel really intense, even though they're not. They're clearly not doing what they're supposed to do, cause I haven't moved past a four and we get to the hospital, they immediately they're like they send Scott to park the car and put me in a wheelchair and like, wheel me up as fast as possible and get me in the room.

Natalie: 28:57

They gave me some laughing gas which, to like, tied me over until the anesthesiologist was able to come in and give me an epidural, and to me it felt like it did nothing. I was like what is even the point of this? I was breathing it in as much as I could and they were like, you know, just keep inhaling it, just keep inhaling it. I'm like I am, it's not doing anything. And then, finally, these two women come in the room and they're like this is so-and-so, she's going to do your epidural, is that okay? And we were like yeah, like we already signed the paperwork, all of that, like we want the epidural. Let's, let's go. Why, are you asking, is this OK? Well, it's because that person was a student.

Natalie: 29:37

But they did not clarify that. Like I don't think Scott did not pick up on that. I did not pick up on that. I haven't asked Nicole, but she was very like. She was very, very vocal advocate for us and I'm fairly certain that if they had clearly communicated that that were a student, she would have said she's too far along to have a student, please get someone who knows what they're doing, and so. But you know, at that we didn't realize she was a student until the instructor comes into the room and starts walking her through the steps of how to give an epidural, which is, you know, just just more stress to just pile on top of the other stress.

Angela: 30:18

Oh my gosh, and you've been laboring for how long at this point?

Natalie: 30:22

Oh, so this was probably about four in the afternoon on the 10th. So I had been in labor for close to like 30 some hours at that point, cause I went into labor around 7 am when my water broke on the 9th and then she, raven, ended up being born at 12, 17 on the 11th, so it was like 41 hours of total labor. We transferred to the hospital at around three or four in the afternoon on the 11th. So it was like 41 hours of total labor. We transferred to the hospital at around three or four in the afternoon on the 10th. So it would have been somewhere in that range. So, yeah, I was like exhausted, in pain.

Natalie: 31:00

They to get into the epidural space. They need you to bend over as far as possible to expand your spine. I've got a giant belly. What do you mean? You need me to bend over and like forward. What am I supposed to do? So again, nicole stepping in. Oh, and the other thing was as soon as we walked into the hospital, they took Scott and they were like here's your chair, sit in it. We don't want you passing out, stay there. So like he's powerless in this whole scenario and we're just working through it one step at a time. So Nicole is standing in front of me and has me like lean forward and hold onto her shoulders so that she can help me stay as far forward as possible to try and really expand that space so they can get into the epidural cavity.

Natalie: 31:44

And, uh, it was a terrible experience. I like labor, especially in hindsight, was absolutely nothing compared to getting the epidural, because she kept missing and would scrape the bone in my spine and like so I'm yelling in pain Cause they're not. She doesn't like immediately stop when I say ow. And Nicole, every time I say ow, they're like contraction her back and I'm like it's my back. And the instructor's just calmly going, no, that's the bone. And I'm like it's my back and the instructor's just calmly going, no, that's the bone. And I'm like so stop what is happening. And they legitimately tried five times before they finally got it in.

Natalie: 32:30

And then, once they got it in, everything was well with the world and I could lay down and take a nap, but like getting there was absolutely horrible. I was considering just telling them like screw it, don't do it, I don't want it anymore, because of how painful it was to actually get that epidural. So that was the first thing I did this time when I found out I was pregnant. As I went in and I was like no students put it in my chart, no students, no, thank you. But yeah. So Nicole was about to, was about to tell them like get out, basically.

Natalie: 33:04

But then the instructor took over and he was the one who got the epidural actually in there and then I was able to take a nap. They let me sleep for 30 minutes and then they were like okay, we have to check you and if you haven't progressed, we have to start you on Pitocin. Because if there's no progression within however many hours, then we do have to start talking about potentially having a C-section. And I was like that's fine, just let me, let me sleep for 30 minutes and then we can start Pitocin. So they did that and I again hadn't progressed. So they did start me on Pitocin, but I didn't feel any of it. I was just, I was killing.

Natalie: 33:37

I was in my happy place after being in labor for so long and specifically having contractions that were so close together for so long. Um, even though you could still feel like the pressure of the contractions, I was just. I was like tapped out. So I think Scott took a bit of a nap in his chair and I took a nap and I pretty much slept all the way up until the point I was ready to push. And then I, I like, called the nurse in and I'm like, I'm, I feel it, I'm ready. I was like I feel like I have to go poop, but I know that that's not the case, so let's, let's get this going. And they wanted me to push on my back, because they always do. And I was like, no, actually I really feel the need to get on all fours. My epidural was kind of in I don't know if it was in crooked or how it works but, like half of me, my left side I could not feel at all, but my right side I could still feel, not necessarily painfully, but enough that I knew I was like I need to be on all fours. So they actually did, they helped me get up on all fours in my bed and I pushed that way.

Natalie: 34:44

And I made a joke when we were getting ready to start pushing, where I was like oh, you know, it's, it's 10 PM. If she holds on for two more hours, her great grandmother gets her wish Cause. My grandma's birthday is May 11th and she wanted, like, as soon as she found out I was expecting in May, she was like, hold on to May 11th. And I was like, haha, I'm not holding onto anything, I want this baby out sooner. So I made the mistake of making that joke and then it took two hours to push her out. So she ended up being born at 12, 17 on the 11th and they get to share a birthday and it was just really special Cause also, my grandmother was not doing well at the time and ended up passing away a month later. But she got to like, have her birthday baby and she was so, so excited about that and so that was super special that that happened.

Natalie: 35:30

So again, in hindsight, I wouldn't change anything leading up to it. If you had asked me, I would have been like, absolutely not, I will not have a baby, but like I have to have her before May 11th. Um, cause I was due on the 7th, but in hindsight I wouldn't, I wouldn't change it at all. So yeah, and then the only other thing afterwards was the next day. Fortunately, they wanted to keep us for 48 hours anyway, because they were like your water was broken for a really long time. We just want to monitor you guys for signs of infection and I was noticing every time I like got up to use the bathroom or anything like that, I was getting really, really bad headaches.

Natalie: 36:06

So I mentioned it to the nurse and the birth team that was there at Mayo I swear was the best of the best that they have to offer, because, like every single nurse that was on shift while I was there in the first 24 hours and like the, it ended up being a family practice doctor who delivered me and all of that. They were so good and so calm and like gentle and kind and caring and all of that. So she kind of goes huh, okay, um, let's just lay you flat for a little bit. See if that helps. So she lays me flat and then comes in to check in like 15 minutes and is like, has your headache gone away? And I said yeah, and she goes okay, you probably have a spinal fluid leak. So yeah, I did.

Natalie: 36:50

From that epidural they had poked me so many times, they'd actually punctured the epidural cavity and I had a spinal fluid leak which meant anytime I was upright. The spinal fluid not only leaks out of your spine but it leaks out of your skull, so your brain sinks down and sits on like the, the nervous stem, and it gives you a headache because your brain isn't floating, it's sitting, and that hurts and then it also causes like back pain. So they gave me the caffeine to see if that helped and it didn't. So then they ended up doing a blood patch which helped the headaches, but it also like completely threw out my lower back. So I was still, you know, not really able to sit up for long periods of time because it just put so much stress on my lower back. So the recovery from that was really rough, but I hadn't torn or anything like that, which was awesome. That was actually. So, you know, we had our surprise baby. We had no idea what we were having. I pushed this baby out. They put her on my chest.

Natalie: 37:51

My the first question out of my mouth is did I tear? And they were like no, do you want to like check? See what you just you just had a baby. Like what, what kind of baby did you have? And I'm like oh, yeah, oh, we had a girl, yay, first concern I don't know why, but like since I found out that that was a possibility.

Natalie: 38:13

I had spent my entire pregnancy like worried that that was going to happen to me, which again, now that I know more about it, even if you do tear, it's really not that big of a deal, typically like, obviously there are third and fourth degree tears and those are bigger deals, but generally tearing is very, very minor.

Natalie: 38:33

Um, some tears don't even need stitches and, like every woman who has torn will tell you that, like in the moment you don't even necessarily notice, or if you do notice, you don't care because it's you know, it's just like where you're at in labor and all of that in your headspace. It's not going to affect you the way that you that you think it will. But yeah, that was my first question. Oh, yeah, so it was a pretty crazy time but fortunately the spinal fluid leak ended up healing itself. It took maybe about a week and a half. We're really fortunate. We have friends who are both physical therapists, so they gave me some like little exercises to do to help strengthen my lower back and get back in working order, and so, yeah, that was the story. That's how she came into the world.

Angela: 39:22

Oh my goodness. So how was postpartum time for you after that? How did feeding go?

Natalie: 39:27

Breastfeeding was really really easy for us. Fortunately we had discovered with her what happened. The reason I had so much trouble dilating is because she had been curled extra, extra tightly, and I kind of wonder if it may have been related to obviously there's no way to know for sure if it may have been related to the amount of like anxiety and stress that I was experiencing throughout my pregnancy. But because of that she was curled super tightly and the back of her head is what was down instead of the top, so she wasn't applying enough pressure to my cervix to help me dilate properly. So she came out looking like alien from the movie because she had the cone in the back instead of on top. But she didn't have any neck problems or tightness anywhere or anything like that, which was amazing, considering again, she had been curled in a tight little ball the entire time and so latching and nursing we really didn't have any issues. She latched right away. My placenta came out right away, I'm sure partially because I started breastfeeding right away. So that was really nice. It was like one less thing to worry about. But the first two weeks postpartum were really rough. I spent a lot of time crying. Part of it was the hormones leaving my body, but part of it was, um. Again, I was just in that headspace of like knowing horrible things that have happened to people. And you know, a good family friend of ours had chronic spinal fluid leaks. Hers was from an injury, so it was. It was very different scenario, but she had chronic spinal fluid leaks, had to frequently go into the hospital to get blood patches and, like, the blood patch was a bad experience for me too because of how it like threw out my lower back. So, even though it stopped the headaches, it was like I still couldn't do much of anything. And so, you know, in in the moment when you're laying flat on your back trying to recover, you're like, am I just going to be an invalid for the rest of my life, with people having to like care for me and literally help me get up off the couch so that I can hobble my way over to the bathroom and back as fast as possible? So that was that was really really rough, um. But then, once that healed, things were a lot better. After that.

Natalie: 41:38

We were just so happy to have our little girl. She was so, so small. She ended up being eight pounds, four ounces, I think, and 20 and three quarter inches long, so you know, pretty pretty average size, but definitely smaller than I anticipated having because, again, both his mom and my mom had large babies. So, yeah, and they really don't tell you like you don't understand how small a newborn is. Even even the bigger newborns, they're still so small and you don't realize that until you're holding them.

Natalie: 42:11

And then it was just like in the hospital was just a couple of days of complete, I guess, awe of like this tiny little human. And Scott kept going you grew this Like, yeah, I did, didn't I? So yeah, it's just, it's so crazy and it's it's funny because we were just joking about who's going to catch the baby when we, when we have this next one, and I was like just think you could be the first person to like hold your baby. And he was like you've been touching the baby this entire time and I was like, but them being on the inside is totally different than them being on the outside. And it's like so weird because on the one hand you've known each other for nine months, but on the other hand, you're also kind of complete strangers and this one stranger is a blank slate and you're responsible for like writing on that and raising them to be a good, a good human. And so it's it's crazy, it's intimidating but also wonderful and like just really, really emotional, but in a good way for the most part.

Natalie: 43:16

So I spent a lot of time really again just focusing on her and, yeah, being a mom and kind of refinding my identity in that, because not only was I like am I going to be an invalid for the rest of my life, I was like okay, my whole identity is erased and I'm a mom now. Like what do I do with that? Because it really can feel that way sometimes that you're just like who am I now? Cause I think it was my mom who said this to me first. Like I've heard it said a couple of times, but I think it was my mom who said it to me first who she's, like you will always be a mom now and nothing can change that. And it's like it's really intimidating. You know that mom is permanently a part of who you are and there's a lot of responsibility that comes with that and a lot of pressure sometimes, and then sometimes there's some loss because you have to mourn the fact that you're no longer your own person. You're forever attached to this human that you made and like that's a beautiful, wonderful thing. But also I feel like not a lot of people realize that it's okay to kind of mourn the fact that your life has changed forever, because anytime that there's change, there's good and bad that comes with it, and it's great to focus on the positive, and there is so much positive that comes with this change. Obviously it's a wonderful experience but at the same time, like it's okay to be sad about the things that you've lost, and I just kind of wish that someone had said that to me sooner. It was funny.

Natalie: 44:49

Pretty soon after I gave birth, actually, netflix dropped a Netflix original movie starring, I think it was, lily Reinhart, where it's called Look Both Ways and it's about her and her life going in two different directions. She takes a pregnancy test and in one version it's a negative test, so she goes on with her life as she planned it and then in the other one she gets a positive pregnancy test and it's like how her life changes and it's honestly. I recommend everyone watch it. It's such a sweet movie and really kind of focuses on how, like your life can be good both ways, like there are ups and downs in both of those stories, but like I felt personally attacked because they named their main character, natalie and the the kind of like dream that she was pursuing was a career in graphic design, which before I like left college, and um kind of career dream that she was pursuing was a career in graphic design, which before I like left college and um kind of career pivoted a couple of times. That's what I was doing.

Natalie: 45:43

I was pursuing a degree in graphic design, so I was like this movie feels a little too personal but um, that movie puts it really really well where it's like. You know, there there are so many joys that come with motherhood but there are a lot of challenges too and it's okay to like recognize those and to feel those. It doesn't mean that you don't love being a mom or that you don't love your baby or that you're ungrateful for any of this. It just, like you know, we're complicated humans. We don't have to feel only one thing at a time. We can have multiple emotions, coexist.

Angela: 46:18

So yeah, yeah, totally, it's a major shift, right. So do you want to share a little bit about your pregnancy now and when you found out you're pregnant?

Natalie: 46:31

So she was a year old and I still hadn't gotten my cycle back and so I kept joking with people. I was like you watch, we're just going to, we're just going to end up getting pregnant again and it's just never going to come back. I'm just going to like keep, keep having babies close enough together. Because we were hoping to kind of hit the like two to three year mark with spacing between kids, cause we feel like that's that's good. I had done childcare a little bit while she was probably six months old is when I started and the baby that I watched was two months younger than her. So I was like we're definitely not doing Irish twins. I cannot handle that. It's like when they're that little it's too difficult because they're close enough together that they need a lot of the same things at the same time. But they're far enough apart that like naps are at a different time, development is at different stages. So like it was really hard to balance that of like getting both kids to go to sleep and dealing with one is crawling, one is just starting to sit up or roll over or whatever and all of this stuff. So now they're great because they're super close in age, so there's basically no difference at all, but at the time it was really rough. So I was like I don't want to do that with babies. But again, this is my fault for joking about it. I joked about it and then it must have been the very first time I ovulated. We ended up getting pregnant because I was like huh, my like. I noticed my supply was different because I was still nursing her at the time. She was close to 14 months, 15 months, something like that, 14 months. And then she was acting so much clingier and suddenly almost started cluster feeding again, even though she mostly ate food at this point and nursing was pretty much exclusively for going to sleep. And so I was like, okay, something's got to change, because I'm so much more sensitive, all of a sudden I am losing my mind with nursing. What is happening? So, just on a fluke, I was like I'll just pick up a pregnancy test and take it just in case, and it was extremely positive With her. The first pregnancy test I took was just like a very faint line, but this one was bright pink. It was definitive. I was like, oh, okay, here we go, number two.

Natalie: 49:07

We were really excited, and then I had to set about figuring out how to wean her because again, like with the way that nursing was happening, at this point I was like I can't handle it. We tried to do the gentle weaning, where you just kind of like ease back on how long you nurse them for or how often you nurse them, and that just made her very confused why sometimes she could ask for it and get nursed and other times we were denying it. So we ended up quitting day nursing cold turkey. I was just like we're just gonna. Anytime she asks for milk, she does her little milk sign. We'll get her milk in a bottle, like from the fridge, and she can have that. So we did that and that worked for a while. It actually worked really well. She was cranky for maybe a day and then got over it and just accepted that when I asked for milk I'm getting cow milk.

Natalie: 49:58

And then I was supposed to go to a wedding in July. I was a bridesmaid for it and she was supposed to come with me and she got really sick the week before like had a fever consistently for multiple days in a row. Not enough that they wanted her in the hospital, but you know we were monitoring it and all of that stuff and it came time for me to fly to Ohio and I was like I can't back out of this wedding, we can't get a refund on the tickets. I have to go but I'm not flying. She was like just barely recovering. I'm like I'm not sticking her on an airplane in this state and taking her. So we arranged for my mom to watch her during the day while Scott works, and then you know, scott would have her the rest of the time. And so I was like, well, I guess we're quitting night nursing, like just give her, give her the frozen milk that we have left and then give her an applesauce, I guess, if she wakes up in the middle of the night and needs something for her blood sugar. And so we ended up quitting cold Turkey.

Natalie: 50:55

And that was also hard for me because you know you really develop a bond with your child through breastfeeding and them needing you. And even though it was like a huge mental relief to not have to nurse anymore, it was also kind of like a little sad because you're like, oh, they don't need me like that. You know I'm replaceable. Up until this point I had something that no one else had Now. Now I'm just like Joe Schmo over there, I can give you the same things. But yeah, then after that, you know, this pregnancy, in comparison, was like a cakewalk. I, the first trimester, I got queasy, maybe twice, like I mean I had, that's not true, I had queasiness, but like I threw up maybe twice and one of them was because I caught a stomach bug, so I don't really count that one. And then, yeah, just overall it was a lot easier.

Natalie: 51:49

We ended up deciding to go with a hospital birth because, um, he had switched jobs. At this point Thank goodness he's not getting up at four in the morning anymore, he's getting up at normal people hours. But we just like Eastern Maine is really close to where he works, so it was really easy to like go in with him in the morning and then I would just drive from where he gets out to go to work over to the hospital and just have my quick little checkup and go out and all of that. And originally we weren't planning on birthing at Eastern Maine. We were considering either attempting a free birth maybe, depending on how I felt this late in pregnancy, or like switching over to Mayo because they did such a good job last time. But then we were really talking to people who currently work at Eastern Maine and a lot of their policies have changed. They've loosened up, a lot of their staff has changed from practitioners who have been practicing longer to newer practitioners who are more open to intervention-free births and they're not going to push that as much.

Natalie: 52:55

So I I just like got more and more comfortable with the idea of birthing there, and I used to work at Eastern Maine so I was very familiar with their labor and delivery floor and it is a gorgeous, like beautiful facility. So part of me has kind of always wanted to give birth there because I'm like I just really want the view, because they've it's up on the top floor and you can see the whole Penobscot river out the window and it is a gorgeous view. I know I won't care that much when I'm in labor, but like I still want to be up there to be able to look out those windows and be like, yeah, look at this view. And then both of us also feel much more comfortable with, like everything that happens with birth and around birth. So we feel more comfortable advocating for ourselves and so we feel more confident going into the hospital in the first place and being able to do that. And ultimately, what it came down to again was insurance, and the insurance that we have now will totally cover the cost of a hospital birth. So, unfortunately, we just like can't afford the cost of going with midwives. We loved the midwives, we loved their care, would have 100% done that again, but it just wasn't like financially feasible for us this time around. So we're doing obstetric care and, honestly, it's been a great experience.

Natalie: 54:13

I ended up with a great obstetrician. Her name is Dr Fagans, claire Faggins. She does a great job and she's very like intervention free. Obviously, if you want interventions, she'll support you in that. But she, um, I think it was at 39 weeks she was like so you, you don't want to induce, Right? And I was like, no, I don't. And she said, okay, good, because I I'm a firm believer that that's the better way to do it. So, yeah, it's just been. It's been a great experience so far. So, yeah, I'm excited to see how it ends.

Angela: 54:44

I wish you all of the best, sending all of the happy birthing vibes your way, and we will check back with you in a little bit, in a few months, and you can share about how this birth went.

Natalie: 54:58

Wonderful. Thank you so much for having me.

Angela: 55:02

And that's the end of another episode of the my Main Birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide. The state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide.

Angela: 55:40

I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 questions to ask your care provider Whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.