MyMaine Birth, Brittney’s hospital birth stories, a hard postpartum, a fertility journey involving a devastating miscarriage followed by the birth of her rainbow baby

Welcome to MyMaine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state’s biggest hospitals, to birth center births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. From the first feelings of pregnancy to the first cry of your newborn, we explore the journey of childbirth in all of it’s beauty, intensity, and emotion. Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you!

If you are currently expecting, I want to invite you to grab a new  download I have created, its’ completely free, it’s called  “Conversations with Your Care Provider”  in this download you will get access to my comprehensive list of questions to ask your care provider  this is a valuable resource -  whether you are in the process of interviewing care providers or have already established care, it provides guidance on important topics to discuss,  and how to assess their answers  -  allowing you to take charge of your birth journey with confidence.  

Head over to https://www.mymainephoto.com to grab your free copy of Conversations with your Care Provider today.

Today’s birth story guest is Brittney and she shares about her two hospital birth stories. She discusses her difficult postpartum experience following her oldest son’s birth, as well as some other health concerns that came up soon after. Brittney then shares about her fertility journey and also about a devastating miscarriage before ultimately becoming pregnant with and birthing her rainbow baby.

Join me and listen here! Scroll down for the full transcript.

Angela: Hi Brittney, Welcome to MyMaine Birth!

Brittney: Hi, good morning!

Angela: So to start will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Brittney: Sure, my name is Brittney Burne, I live in Lamoine on the coast of Maine. I live with my husband Ethan and my two kids, Wesley who is 6 and Isla who is 3 1/2 months old. I work as a registered nurse at a local hospital.

Angela: Amazing, So will you start by sharing when you found out you were pregnant for the first time and a little bit about your thoughts in choosing your care?

Brittney: So with my son, he was very much planned. My husband and I were actually going on a road trip across the country in a 1987 Toyota mini motor home, so we tried to get pregnant on that trip. And I came home and it was probably in June that I found out I was pregnant with him. I didn’t think it would be possible for me to be pregnant so quickly, i wasn’t expecting it, but I was really tired. I was having a lot of cramping, and I was convinced that I had appendicitis or something like that. But my Mom was like Brittney, why don’t you take a pregnancy test, weren’t you trying to get pregnant? And sure enough, it was positive. And so we were very, very excited. I had a lot of morning sickness and all day sickness with him, and I lost a lot of weight in the first trimester. But we ultimately chose to have care with the local midwife at my local hospital, the hospital I actually worked at. And that was really great, I actually really enjoyed having a midwife. And that was how I found out I was pregnant with him and the type of care that i choose.

Angela: Did you do any testing throughout that pregnancy?

Brittney: So I did, I believe a transvaginal dating ultrasound, and then we did one at 20 weeks for the anatomy scan. And because with him I had an excentric insertion for the umbilical cord, it was recommended to have another ultrasound at I think 36 weeks. And after that the OB/GYN who worked with the midwife recommended a non-stress test, I think it was like a week before I gave birth. I actually didn’t care too much for the OB/GYN who was working with the midwife. I had gone in for a routine appointment, and at that practice, you met all the providers - and so I had an appointment with him, and he actually all of the sudden was like - oh well, you know one day your blood pressure could go skyrocket high, your legs could swell up and we could need to induce you right away and we could do that or you know we could always do a c-section…..

And I just started panicking right away, and was like oh my gosh, what is this man talking about. My midwife has never said anything about her being worried about me or induction, what is going on. So I just left that appointment completely panicked. And I just didn’t care much for his “care”. And I actually told my midwife about it and she was just like - well he is actually just someone who worries a lot, I’m not worried about you, so please don’t be worried. And I did actually request, if at all possible that he not be the person who delivered my baby. Luckily it worked out that I didn’t have him as a provider, so thankfully the midwife was the one who was there when my son was born.

Angela: Amazing, so why don’t you tell me about when your labor started, and when you decided to go to the hospital, and how your birth was.

Brittney: Sure, so I actually was scheduled to work at the hospital that day and do a 12 hour shift. I had worked the day before, so I was really exhausted. But because there were so few patients in the hospital that day, the nursing supervisor called me at like 5:30 and said - Hey Brittney we know it’s getting close to your due date, you can stay home if you want. So I went back to sleep, and I woke up around 7am and started having what felt like period cramps, and I was like - oh this is interesting. And the night before, I had my bloody show, so I was kind of wondering if things were going to get started. So I called the hospital in the morning to let them know that I was starting to have some more cramping and some more regular contractions, but nothing too severe. And they were like, ok well just let us know when you want to come in. And I just kind of hung out at home. It was a little uncomfortable. I had no idea what to expect, obviously since it was my first. It was quite tolerable for some time, and then it got a little more intense probably around 1pm in the afternoon.

So I called the hospital and said - I think I’m going to come in, just because I don’t know what to expect or how far along I am. So I arrived to the hospital probably around 2:30 and I think I was around 5cm dilated at that time. And from then, it was kind of like a waiting game. Contractions got a little more intense. And in my birth plan, I wanted to have a medication free birth. That was my original goal, and I told my husband that if I ever ask for pain meds to say Brittney, are you sure that’s what you really want? And so I was getting to the point of transition and I said - I want pain medicine, I want pain medicine - and my husband said Brittney, are you sure? So I did receive a small dose of pain medication and it did help me feel a little more relaxed for a very short period of time.

But then things got intense again, and before I knew it they started wanted to have me try to push. So they had me in the bathroom, sitting in the toilet - which for me was one of the most uncomfortable things. But then things started to progress a little bit more, and I soon realized that the baby was coming. My water actually never broke, until my midwife asked if she could break my water. And she also had to… I guess I wasn’t completely effaced yet, so she had to do some manipulation herself to help “move things along”. So she did that and broke my water, and very quickly after I was pushing and I was like, oh my gosh this is actually happening!

And so he came out… I did have some coached pushing from the midwife, what I think now is called “purple pushing” the hold your breath.. bear down… push the baby out…. So he came out, my husband caught him, so it was really, really exciting, I did have some tearing, which I wasn’t expecting. He was beautiful, he was 6pounds 11 ounces. He was crying, he had i think the best APGAR score you could get…

Angela: That’s so cool your husband was able to catch him in the hospital!

Brittney: Yeah, he said he was a little bummed, because the midwife’s hands were also very close under his - but yeah, that’s what he had requested, so it was really cool.

Angela: So did you have stitches? and how was your healing?

Brittney: I did have stitches, and that was really uncomfortable having the stitches. I thought that hurt more than giving birth itself. And I actually tore up instead of down into the perineal area - I tore up into the labial area, which I didn’t even know could happen. So yeah, I did have some stitches, and things healed quite well. It was obviously very sore for a while, but it healed well.

Angela: So how was postpartum otherwise, how did breastfeeding go?

Brittney: Breastfeeding went very well. At one point I did have a very strong let down and I think my son had troubles with that - he would start to choke and gag. And as the milk regulated, that got better. My postpartum period was really tough. I do believe I suffered postpartum depression, and I had a lot of postpartum anxiety. I will share that I had a lot of intrusive thoughts, and very disturbing thoughts of me accidentally hurting the baby. When he was in the tub, I would think, what if I accidentally let him go and don’t pick him up again, or if I’m walking down the hallway what if i hit his head on the wall.

So I experienced that anxiety and had a lot of depression. I felt like I didn’t have the greatest support - my husband was wonderful - but other aspects of support weren’t so great. So it was a really challenging time for me. And I feel like I was almost kind of robbed of my postpartum period with him. He also was a very colicky baby, from birth until week 3 he was wonderful but then from week three until month three he just was miserable - he would wake up all the time in the night.

He was only happy if he was attached to me nursing. He had acid reflux, I could never put him down. The only way he would sleep sometimes was if he was laying on my chest. So I would fall asleep with him laying on my chest, which was scary for me because I didn’t want him to fall off or to drop him. So it was really tough, and my husband did the best he could to help, but even then it was hard because he wasn’t happy with my husband at all, so if I wanted to go take a shower I could still hear the baby screaming out in the other room - and so that gave me anxiety.

It was really tough. I would say things didn’t start to get better until he was about a year old but even then, he didn’t sleep through the night really well. He’s 6 years old now and he is finally sleeping through the night in his own bed. He will occasionally come into our bed, but for the longest time he really struggled with sleep. So it was really, really tough.

Angela: Yeah, that sounds really hard. Postpartum is one of those times that is really tricky to navigate.

Brittney: Yeah, and I didn’t quite know what to expect, no one really teaches you about the postpartum period. Everyone is really excited to get pregnant, and to give birth, and to have this beautiful baby, and everyone expects it to be all sun and roses. And yes, you have a beautiful baby but you don’t always know what to expect is going to happen.

Angela: Yes, that is very true. So now can you share about your second pregnancy?

Brittney: Yeah, so I will give you a little bit of information, because it took two years to get pregnant with my daughter. When my son was 2, I had appendicitis and I went to the hospital and had my appendix removed, and it was probably 10 days later that I got a call saying that I had a neural-endocrine tumor that was found on my appendix. They said the next step was to have a surgery to remove a portion of my large intestine and my small intestine, as well as to take some lymph nodes to see if the tumor had spread anywhere. So it was probably a couple months after that, and I had the surgery.

Thankfully, it didn’t spread anywhere - it was just contained in the appendix, and everything was good after that in regards to that diagnosis. I didn’t need any chemo or radiation, they say if you are going to get cancer - that is the best kind you can get - usually it is found in older adults, and they usually die from other things before they die from that type of cancer. So I was very fortunate with that. Soon after that, I suffered from quite a bit of digestive issues, I don’t know if that contributed to hormonal issues - and I just felt off for a couple years.

We knew we wanted to have another baby, and it was always my thought that we would start trying again when my son was two - but obviously because of my health issue, I had to wait at least a year to have a repeat CT scan to make sure that everything was fine still - and to heal from the major abdominal surgery that I had. So we waited a year, and my husband said - I don’t think I’m quite ready yet for another baby… understandably so, our son was really challenging. We were still having some challenges with my son sleeping, so I do understand about that part.

It wasn’t until 2020 when my husband was like - yeah, I think I’m ready to have another baby… and of course, I was ready too - so we started trying. I wasn’t expecting to get pregnant as quickly as I did the first time around.. I knew I was a little bit older and it can be a little bit longer to get pregnant, but month after month would go by and I wouldn’t be pregnant… I would get all excited because I would have some mild symptoms, like maybe some breast tenderness or I’m really tired - but it just happened to be that I got my period.

So every month went by and it was just disappointing. During our fertility journey, I come from a family of 5, I have three sisters and one brother - I had all of my sisters and my brothers wife and my two best friends all got pregnant in the time period that I tried to get pregnant. Then finally after a year I found out that I was pregnant and I was so excited and I told everybody - at least my immediate family - because it had taken so long.

I was about 7 weeks along when I started bleeding, and I was really nervous and anxious because it had taken me so long to get pregnant. And I was like - I can’t be having a miscarriage, I can’t be. And I was also having those thoughts because my sister - I believe she was 18 weeks pregnant and I think it was a week or so prior and she had gone to an appointment and found out her baby had passed away. So she lost her baby, and I thought - I can’t be loosing my baby too.. my sister just had a miscarriage, I can’t be having a miscarriage. But I went to see my midwife and she said there’s really nothing we can do if it is a miscarriage, let us know if you have any heavy bleeding. She said we can do an ultrasound tomorrow if I wanted to, just to see what’s going on. So I went home, the cramping got more intense, I had heavier bleeding. Then the next morning, I knew that I was having a miscarriage. I was like - there’s no point in me going to have an ultrasound - I’m passing tissues. So I just accepted that it was a miscarriage, and it was devastating. And I still haven’t worked through all that. I was just so excited because I wanted another baby so badly. And then as soon as you find out your pregnant you just immediately have all these thoughts of who this person is going to be and what your going to do, and what you might name them. So it was really heartbreaking, so I kind of started healing from that. My m

My midwife said I could start trying again as soon as I wanted to and was ready mentally. She said there’s no reason not to. And I had heard from some people who had said - once you have a miscarriage you are super fertile, and a lot of people will get pregnant again really quickly. So I was kind of hoping for that. But each month would go by, and I wasn’t pregnant still. And my sister who had actually lost her baby at 18 weeks… I think it was a couple weeks later, she messaged me and said - Brittney I just wanted to let you know that I am pregnant again. So that was really, really tough. My best friend also got pregnant around the same time.

So that was really, really hard. But it was finally a year later, after the miscarriage. And actually the day my sisters son was born, that I found out that I was pregnant with my daughter. I would take tests before my period was due, always thinking - maybe there’s a chance. So I was really upset the whole entire day, because I knew my sister was in labor. I was trying to be really supportive, and I was very excited for her because I know she had been through so much heartache as well. But then when the baby was born, I was part of a group text messaging and all my family members were just messaging her and saying all the things - and I just finally realized that I couldn’t handle it anymore and I had to leave the group, and I apologized.

I just came home to my husband and burst into tears, and he wrapped his arms around me, and I just cried my eyes out. I just was so, so sad that everyone was pregnant but me. But later that afternoon I took a pregnancy test and I saw that it was positive - and I was shocked, I was stunned, I couldn’t believe it. And looking back now, it makes a lot of sense, especially because I was so emotional that day. But I really didn’t think I was pregnant. And so I showed my husband and he was shocked as well - he was really happy and excited. Obviously I was excited, but I felt kind of numb. I didn’t want to get excited. I didn’t want to be happy about it, because I thought that if I got excited and happy - that something would go wrong. I didn’t want to have that extreme sadness that I felt before. But even though - if I felt happy - I still would have been very sad if anything happened.

So I tried not to let myself get excited. So I told my husband I don’t want to tell anyone - I don’t want anyone to get happy for us. I don’t want them to be excited - just in case anything happened. So it was around 12 weeks, things were going pretty well, I hadn’t had any spotting or bleeding. I did have some nausea, but I was able to hide that from family members. And around 12 weeks, I went to my family and told them I was pregnant. And obviously everyone knew that we had been trying to get pregnant for so long, and they were all excited, and still my heart was very guarded - just because I know that things can happen. And throughout the entire pregnant I was very guarded the whole entire time, and a little bit anxious that anything could happen.

There was one time in the second trimester that I had a bit of bleeding, everything was fine, but that obviously put me into panic mode. But as the pregnancy went on, I was getting bigger, I was feeling baby kicks. And things became more real. This time around, I educated myself a little bit better about birth and how to have a better birth experience. My sister actually told me about hypnobirthing. She did hypnobirthing with her son, and she said - Yeah you know I was very comfortable right up until the very end.

So I was like - ok, I really want to try the hypnobirthing. With the hypnobirthing you listen to these tracks to get you into the zone. They were really relaxing, you practice before hand - so I would listen to them before bed at night and they would actually put me to sleep. So it was a very relaxing way to go to bed.

I was getting closer and closer to my due date, and I was a little bit bummed because I thought I would go into labor sooner. I thought maybe I wouldn’t even make it to my due date, because my son was right on time. So I was thinking that I would go much sooner, this was my second baby and she was so, so low - especially in that last week or so. But nothing really happened, I did loose a little bit of my mucous plug the week prior. So I was waiting for something to start happening.

I was getting ready to leave work, and preparing everything that I had to do before I left on maternity leave. And it was probably the Thursday before I gave birth - I was sitting in my co-workers office and I felt like I was having contractions and it was kind of painful and I was wondering if that was the start of something - but then I went home and they went away.

So it was that Sunday, which was super bowl Sunday - my husband was convinced that we would have a super bowl baby. I was at a super bowl party, and I was noticing some prodromal labor - and then the contractions became more frequent - every three to four minutes I would get one, so I was like - maybe we will have a super bowl baby.

I called the hospital the night of the super bowl to let the staff know I was feeling ok but was having some frequent contractions. I went home that night and things petered off, so I was disappointed, so I went to sleep. I woke up the next morning and nothing happened, again I was a little bummed, because I was hoping I would be going to the hospital at that point. But around 9:30 I started having cramping, so I was like - oh ok, this might be it. So I started listening to the hypno birthing tracks, I started doing the hypnobirthing breathing. I have an app on my phone that would count down with the breathing. I was doing that for hours, and I was really comfortable. I was not in a lot of pain, the contractions were really tolerable.

So I thought maybe I will get into the tub to relax a little bit more, and then maybe things will progress a little bit faster. And when I got into the tub, things actually slowed down - and I know that can happen. So I decided to get out of the tub. I went and laid down in my bed and put on some headphones with the hypnobirthing tracks - and I listened for probably about a half hour. Then my phone went off - I was kind of kicking myself afterwards for not putting it on do not disturb - but my phone went off so I stopped the track.

At this point it was probably around 2:30 in the afternoon. So I went out into the kitchen and then all of the sudden, things went from a 3 tolerable to a 10. I started shaking, I started moaning. And I was like, Ethan, I think we need to go to the hospital. So I called the hospital and let them know we were on the way. And so my husband drove to the hospital, and things were intense, I just couldn’t even speak during contractions. And I actually had the urge to push in the car, and my brain was saying - no Brittney, you can’t give birth in the car, that was not a comfortable space for you, you don’t want to do that. So I think my body held off. And when I got to the hospital, my midwife checked me and she said Brittney, I can’t feel your cervix but I feel a bulging bag of waters, and I think it’s because you’re 10 centimeters dilated.

So I was amazed that I had gone through labor - at home, especially because the first one was so… I’ll say challenging towards the end, and I wanted pain medication during transition - and this time I had already gone through transition in the car. So I was really proud of myself, because I truly wanted a medication free birth this time around. Before I knew it, my Doula arrived, she barely made it. But she and my husband were applying pressure to my hips and back.

My body was just pushing the baby out itself. And in hypnobirthing, they say to breath your baby out - they don’t want you doing the purple pushing where you hold your breath and bear down, because that can increase risk of issues with the baby, and it can increase the risk of trauma to your perineal area and issues with your pelvic floor. So I really educated myself about breathing the baby out - and sure enough, I breathed the baby out. With the help of my husband and my doula - when I said.. I can’t do this, I can’t do this - they said - yes you can Brittney, just breath, just breath.

And so the baby’s head was starting to crown - and my husband said it was the most amazing thing. It was the most calm, controlled thing he had ever seen. The baby’s head would slowly emerge and then go back in, emerge and then go back in, and then eventually she crowned and came out. And then he said - it was amazing Brittney, you just held so still, and the baby just stayed there. It was probably like a minute or so, and eventually my body - I never even really pushed - my body just pushed the baby itself. And she came out, and they laid her on my chest. And I looked at her and she was healthy, and I just said - I’ve been waiting so long for you… and it was just so wonderful, and we both cried. It was just the best thing. She was healthy, she was beautiful. It was amazing. And I didn’t have any tears which was also great, so it was really the best birthing experience.

In my birth plan I said - I don’t want any coached pushing, I would like to have very little interventions if at all possible. My midwife was actually on vacation for my birth, so I knew that it would be the doctor who would be there. So luckily since it’s 6 years later - there is a different doctor, a female provider, and she was wonderful. She said - I didn’t do anything Brittney, I just watched you give birth. So that was really, really cool - and she respected my wishes. And so I just really appreciated that, because I know a lot of times in some hospitals, women’s wishes aren’t respected and they can’t have the birthing experience that they want.

So it was great, I had the golden… maybe even two or three hours, before they did any newborn checks. Breastfeeding was a little tough. Especially on my right breast, we found out later she had an upper lip and tongue tie that we did end up having revised. But it was just amazing. I’m back to work now, my baby is three months old… but the postpartum period was just so blissful. Not only was it my rainbow baby that I had wanted for years, but she has been the best baby. She is happy, she now sleeps through the night. She has her first two bottom teeth, which is really early, but I never would have known.. she wasn’t fussy. It just has been so wonderful. I was able to take the 12 weeks that my work allows for maternity leave, and it just has been so nice. It’s everything that I could have ever wanted.

I still kind of mourn the fact that I had such a terrible postpartum period with my son. I think I always will. But this has just been so nice that things have just worked out so much better with my daughter.

Angela: Wow, that’s incredible. Are there any resources you’d like to share about? I know you said the hypnobirthing was huge, but were there other resources you’d like to mention?

Brittney: I will say that while I was trying to get pregnant, I worked with a functional medicine doctor. I wanted to see if there were ways that I could optimize my health. I know that working with a functional medicine doctor isn’t always an option for everyone because they don’t accept insurance, so I felt very fortunate that I could do that. He said that I most likely have PCOS which no one had ever told me before, so that also could have been affecting my ability to get pregnant. I do use a lot of resources on Instagram. So in regards to the PCOS, you can find all sorts of Instagram accounts that have information about PCOS and a healthy lifestyle, and how to eat, and supplements you can take. So that was really helpful to use those kinds of resources. I also used a book, Taking Charge of Your Fertility I think it’s called, where you actually learn how to track your cycles and figure out when you are most fertile. Learn the signs that your body is showing you, taking your basil body temperature, so all of those things helped me when I was getting pregnant. Then while I was pregnant, I for some reason wasn’t able to get into a class locally - so I did purchase an online course and you just watch at your own pace and practice at your own pace. So that really helped. I also read some books by Ina May Gaskin and that was really helpful. I did a lot more research this time around. And that I think really made a world of difference. I think if women can be prepared and knowledgeable about whats really going on in their bodies during pregnancy and labor and delivery - it makes things so much better and less scary. And that is how I think you can have the best birthing experience possible.

Angela: Is there anything else you’d like to share with parents that are trying to become pregnant.

Brittney: I think having support is really important, whether it’s a partner, or family member, or friends. My friends were very supportive of me during my journey… but as everyone else got pregnant, I felt almost like I couldn’t talk to them about it anymore. So my husband really was my rock. So I think just having someone that you can really talk to, even counseling… I went and worked with a counselor who actually specialized in fertility, infertility, and pregnancy loss. So that was really helpful for me to work through some of the things that I needed to work through. I think I will always be heartbroken about my miscarriage, but working with a counselor actually helped me to realize that I was grieving the loss of my child. I feel like you never really understand what it’s like to go through that until it happens to you. I did have some people say some things that really weren’t sensitive to my situation. And they mean well, but it didn’t feel good. And at one point someone was saying, well why don’t you just do IVF or why don’t you just do medications. And from my point.. even though I know it’s a really wonderful tool and we are lucky that we have that opportunity nowadays - but for me and my goals, it was something that I really didn’t want to do yet, so that was really hard to hear - and some people didn’t understand why I didn’t want to do that. But I think having a support person is really great. It is really hard and heartbreaking, but you also… I think anyone going through that journey should know, they aren’t alone. There are a lot of other women out there who are going through the same exact thing. I did go to some facebook groups for women going through the same experience and that was really helpful. And then some advice for the expecting mother who may have gone through similar situations - I would say, let yourself get excited. Because it is an exciting time. Anything can happen, but if you don’t let yourself get excited then you rob yourself of that joy. Because it is an exciting time. You are growing a human in your body, and it’s what you’ve always wanted. But just because you are getting excited doesn’t mean that something bad is going to happen, or that you won’t feel sad if something does happen. So I think just letting yourself feel all the emotions that you can is also really important.

Angela: Yeah, that’s beautiful. Thank you so much Brittney for sharing your story today.

Brittney: Aww, your welcome, I’m happy to share!

And that’s the end of another episode of the MyMaine Birth Podcast!  Thank you for joining me and listening!  I hope that the stories shared here have been inspiring and informative to all of my listeners.

If you’re looking to capture your own birth story, I highly recommend considering my Maine birth photography services.  I am a skilled professional Maine Birth Photographer, and am very passionate about capturing the raw and emotional moments of the birthing process, annnnd I also design a personalized and intimate photo album, creating a beautiful and lasting memory of one of the most special moments of your life.  For more information about Maine Birth Photography head over to https://www.mymainephoto.com and schedule a complementary zoom consultation with me!

Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.  Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review! And I’ll See you back here again, next week.