MyMaine Birth, Nora’s two birth stories - the first a home birth that involved a transfer to the hospital for a cesarean, followed by an HBAC with a different midwife.

MyMaine Birth, Nora’s two birth stories - the first a home birth that involved a transfer to at the hospital for a cesarean, followed by an HBAC with a different midwife.

Welcome to MyMaine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experience in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state’s biggest hospitals, to birth center births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. From the first feelings of pregnancy to the first cry of your newborn, we explore the journey of childbirth in all of its beauty, intensity, and emotion. Whether you are a soon to be mom, a seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you!

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Today’s birth story guest is Nora and I got to chat with her on her youngest daughters birthday, we are going to be hearing her share about her experience birthing her daughters Irene and Veda. For her first birth, she was planning for a home birth but ultimately needed to transfer to a hospital and her daughter Irene was born via cesarean section. Then her daughter Veda was a home birth after cesarean or HBAC.

Join me and listen here! Scroll down for the full transcript.

Angela: Hi Nora, Welcome to MyMaine Birth and happy birthday to your daughter Veda!

Nora: thank you, yeah the birthday energy is a little crazy!

Angela: Yeah, so to start will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Nora: Sure, my name is Nora Wormwood. I live in Jackson, Maine which no one usually know of, but it’s basically mid coast area - we are kind of close to Belfast and Bangor. We have 20 acres in the woods which is amazing! My husband and I both work for his family’s plumbing company, we are slowly taking that over. So I work part time and bring my youngest with me still, which is one of the perks of working for a family business. We have two daughters, Veda is 3 today and Irene will be 5 in mid June.

Angela: Very cool! So can you tell me about when you found out you were pregnant with Irene and a little bit about the care you choose?

Nora: Yeah, so Irene was planned but there were sort of elements that were a surprise too. I had been on the mini pill birth control, which with that if you are even late by a few hours, that could mess things up. And I was late taking one day and I think I actually got pregnant like a week before we actually started to try. When I got a dating ultrasound, that was the only ultrasound I got with her - and they were like, yeah so it looks like you probably conceived around - whatever date - and my husband and I looked at each other and were like, ok.. it was sort of a surprise. And yeah, I knew for sure I wanted a home birth - I had been obsessed with birth back in college and before I even met my husband. I thought I wanted to be a midwife, I was reading Ina May and I was just super obsessed with birth. So my husband wasn’t surprised at all, it was immediate - we were going to do a home birth. We interviewed a couple midwives, picked one - and there wasn’t too much to it. We had only got that one dating ultrasound for that pregnancy. So it was very much a mystery what we were having. We were really clear that we wanted a Gemini, which may be an unpopular opinion, but we were like - we want a Gemini girl. Her due date was June 28th, so we were like - ok, we got pretty close but probably won’t be a Gemini. It was a full moon which was kind of cool.

The pregnancy was totally uncomplicated, I never got sick at all. But I also never got that sort of second trimester energy, it just felt kind of the same through every trimester. I was really emotional, like hypersensitive to animals specifically, which was really weird. I was basically vegetarian that pregnancy and if I thought about anything animals I would just start sobbing. And also very sensitive to horror movies which I normally really love, but we went to see Hereditary in the theatre a couple of weeks before I had my daughter, and it really just did something to me. I was hyper-sensitive emotionally to everything that pregnancy. So yeah, June 15th we were about to go to bed, I got up off the couch and like a little bit of water kind of came out of me on the floor. And my husband and I looked at each other and were kind of like, ok. And my midwife had given me one of those amniotic fluid test things - like the swab where you could tell if that’s what it was. But I really didn’t even want to use that, because I think I just didn’t want to believe I was in labor. Because that is what you always hear, like no, just don't think about it or get too excited. I think my husband was like, yeah something is happening here. But I was like, well I will just go to bed and if it starts it starts and otherwise we will see. I was able to sleep for a couple hours. Then I got up maybe around midnight and sent some cryptic text message to family and friends - like I think something might be happening. And they were like - what does that mean? Like, this is not a helpful text.

I called my midwife and it was just kind of like, ok see how it goes - call me if this continues. And she was like - yeah I’m going to go to bed and maybe I’ll see you tomorrow. It did definitely ramp up - but it was pretty slow and I was very comfortable for a long time. I did have a doula that I found in the last couple weeks of pregnancy - I was like, well maybe I should do a doula - and I was really glad that I did, because she was awesome! And it was fathers day weekend, so her husband was gone with the kids and she only had one car - and she was like you probably won’t go into labor but I will have a car in case, and she did! Everything worked out, she came over around 9am - so getting close to 12 hours. That was when I wanted counter pressure sort of, but it still wasn’t too bad. And I was like preparing for 24 hours, that was just what I had in mind for a first labor. And we were timing contractions at this point, they were probably like 4 or 5 minutes apart. They were definitely progressing in a normal way. My midwife came around noon I think. And none of us were ready, because I was thinking - it’s my first baby - I’m going to go past my due date if anything. So I hadn’t gotten our home birth kit together, all these things we were supposed to have weren’t ready. So she had to go pick up a birth tub and gather supplies before she came to us. And it was really nice because when she showed up she was like - oh, ok I’m going to stay. And my biggest fear was that she would look at me and be like no, I’m going to come back later.

So she started setting up the tub, and this is where for a really long time its just sort of a haze because that labor total was like 36 or 37 hours - so it gets to be pretty long feeling. And it was all really manageable which was interesting for me. I kept waiting for it to get worse but it just all felt ok sort of. I felt like I was getting impatient at a certain point. Especially when it was starting to get dusky out and it was like - ok we are still doing this. Like, I don’t know where I am at. And I decided I wanted to be checked, which I didn’t have really strong feeling about - but I wanted to wait as long as possible if I was going to do that. So we went upstairs because the tub was downstairs and I had been laboring downstairs the whole time. So we went upstairs to my bed and I was 7cm, which I actually was disappointed in, which I think is sort of crazy because most people would probably be very pleased with that. But I was like ugh, I wanted it to be 9 - I had like numbers in my head that I wanted it to be without realizing it. And we talked about breaking my water. I think because I was with a midwife, I trusted whatever she thought and whatever we were talking about was just a little more - like I had biases about midwife vs hospital. And so I was like, yeah - I want to do that, I want to get things processing - she thinks its fine, so let’s do that. And there was a little bit of meconium, but she wasn’t super worried about it, I didn’t freak out about it. I know that can just kind of happen and it’s ok as long as you don’t go way after that. So I was up and down the stairs for so much of the labor because we have a bathroom upstairs, so I was just like going upstairs to pee or going outside to pee - I was really active. And I was weirdly doing ok.

I got in the tub which felt amazing, but it totally slowed me down, like it was too relaxing. I started to push in the tub, just because I thought - I should try this. I didn’t have an overwhelming urge to push ever but I just started, and yeah - long story short I pushed for 9 hours total - which I was not aware of. So the pushing just went on and on. My midwife started giving me honey because I was really getting pretty out of it, and pretty exhausted and really like defeated feeling. Like this is not happening, it doesn’t feel like anything is happening. Even though I was fully dilated. So then we went back up to the bed and my husband was behind me and I was on my back with my legs up - kind of the thing you think you won’t do with a midwife. But I think it had something to do with the way my pelvis is shaped - because that came up with my second birth too. And that was ok - like I felt like I could do it. My doula and my midwife were like, yeah this is great.- so I was getting this false sense of hope maybe that the head was maybe …. I mean the baby head was close, but still really far away - I’m sure a lot of people know that feeling. And so at some point it turned into the next day. I labored all through June 17th and then it was June 18th. And I remember at that point there was a second midwife - and she was like, ok it’s midnight - your baby is going to be on the 18th now.

That just started to turn into a little bit of a nightmare feeling. and I couldn’t pee also - which I know it's really important to not be holding your pee, but I just couldn’t - I had been pushing too much, it was just not happening. We talked about a transfer, and my midwife had called the hospital in Belfast. I think the plan was to go to the hospital to maybe get a muscle relaxer and get something to help me sleep maybe and I could have my baby in the hospital. And yeah, transferring after you had been laboring that long and pushing - I couldn’t imagine it. Everyone was like - we got to go, it’s time to go, and I was just like - I don’t think this is going to happen. That was the hardest thing, I think. I remember looking at the clock on my stove and it was 2:33 am on the 18th. My husband was rushing to pack stuff for the hospital. And everything was ok at this point, the baby heart rate was always fine, I was fine, but it just was not happening. So I get in the car - and it is about half an hour to Belfast - and I was not looking forward to that ride in the backseat. But my contractions weirdly slowed way down, so I only had 3 contractions that whole drive about 10 minutes apart. And I remember the first time I opened my eyes, we were way closer to Belfast than I thought we were, and so I was like - ok, I can do it.

We got to Waldo County Hospital and it was a really nice night, it was so warm. They came out with the wheel chair and going into the hospital it was so dark and quiet in there, and actually felt really nice. It is a pretty small hospital so that helps. And I was the only one there, so that was a nice energy too. But yeah, it was 3am so a lot of people had been woken up to get ready. So we were waiting on a lot of people, there was a midwife who works at the hospital there - she had me push a couple times and pretty quickly she was like - it’s not happening. Like her head was swollen and that part was kind of moving but she wasn’t moving down at all. And so pretty quickly they decided on a cesarean section. Which actually at that point, I was like - yeah. Because I was so done - I was just like - whatever you tell me right now, I will do. And I looked at my midwife and she was nodding her head, like everyone was just like - this had been so long. And I was really confused because when we got to the hospital my midwife told them, she was like - she has been pushing 5 hours - so that is what I thought. But the next day my husband said it was more like 9 hours but I think she didn’t want to say that to the hospital staff. So I do have some sort of complicated feeling about that midwife. My next midwife with my second daughter said - yeah, if nothing was progressing at about 3 hours then we would try something else. So I don’t have bad feelings, but it is a little - complicated.

So then I got a catheter which they did wrong a couple times - and that is really not a comfortable situation - on top of being in labor - that was really awful. And I had to wait for the surgeon - because everyone was getting called in. So it felt like a lot of waiting. But once I got the epidural it was kind of like a whole new world - and I was like - Ok, I get why people do this. This is fine now. And my doula and husband were able to come into the operating room with me which is awesome. Because yeah, Courtney, my doula - I think of her much more than my midwife. Which I guess is sort of the doula role, like the midwife is there for very practical, technical reasons usually. So it was very cool to have both of them up by my shoulders in the operating room. And that went so fast, my mind was blown how quickly that baby was out. And my husband saw it all, like maybe more than he wanted to.

And we didn’t know what we were having, I wanted him to say. He was like crying, and said - it’s a girl! Because - I forgot to mention, I was afraid to have a boy - I know that’s not popular to say, but I think a lot of people have a preference. I just had a lot of fears about that. And a lot of people were telling me it was a boy, like even as they wheeled me up - they were like oh it’s a boy, they have big heads and they are stubborn. And so I felt even more vindicated that she was a girl. She had a ton of hair, all the nurses and doctors were like, whoa look at all that hair. It was actually a really sweet moment in the hospital. And I never would have thought that was what I wanted or that was what was going to happen. I had a lot of judgements, I was up on a high horse pretty much before that experience. So I am really grateful for recognizing that I did what I could at home, I am really happy that I was at home for most of it, because I was more comfortable there. And then, it’s not just about me, babies also have their own stories and timelines and I think of it kind of just part of her whole story. We thought she wasn’t going to come until late, then she came 10 days early, then she didn’t want to come out. So it kind of just fits.

The recovery was better than expected - I didn’t know what to expect, but I was surprised. It was major surgery but I was surprised with how well it healed, how good I felt - like pretty shortly after we left the hospital. We left pretty quickly too because we were getting a little stir crazy - so we left after 2 days, I think you can have 5 days for a cesarean. And my baby was awesome! She nursed right away. I never had any discomfort even, so it feels like - for how intense the birth was and how unexpected it was - I also got these little blessings in other ways. Nursing was going fine. She was sleeping through the night after a few months, kind of on her own. We co slept for a little bit but she was sleeping so long, we were kind of like - maybe we should put her in her own room. So yeah, postpartum was pretty good in a lot of ways and very hard in a lot of ways too. It was pretty tough, Rob had to go back to work after a week. And that is just a lot - especially with the first one. It was so hard, because I lost this whole old life in a way. And I think I pushed myself too hard to go out all the time and do all these things with her, because I felt really isolated in the woods. I was alone. But I also got really lucky, with who she was as a baby.

I did forget to say when I was 8 months pregnant with her we went on a honeymoon - because we were only married for like a year - and everyone was like if you don’t do the honeymoon in the first year, your never going to do it. So she got a cool experience of going to Iceland and France when I was enormous. Which is also, maybe part of her personality.

Angela: Wow that’s cool. So did you maybe have a cervical lip and were maybe not fully dilated when you started pushing.

Nora: yeah, I totally forgot to mention why she wasn’t coming out - she was posterior, and we didn’t know. But it was weird because there were no signs of that - I mean I did feel it in my back, but usually they are like - posterior is horrible and you can tell what is happening. She she was posterior and her head was a little bit at an angle, so she could have come out for sure I think if we had known that early and if I had maybe gotten in different positions. But she just really had her head up against my pubic bone and she was just not coming out. So they even said, the surgeon and everyone in the hospital. Everyone was mostly really great, I had an overall great experience there and they all were like - you are a really great candidate for a VBAC because I wasn’t an emergency or anything, it was just her positioning. So that’s why.

Angela: Wow, so now can you tell me when you found out you were pregnant with your second child.

Nora: Yeah, I think when Irene was 6 or 9 months old, we were like - let’s do it again, she is so great. And I think I knew too, in a really strong way, I was like I have to have another baby to try another story. It sounds selfish but I think probably other moms can understand that feeling too. And I think we just knew we were going to have multiple kids. So it was September of 2019, so Irene was 1 1/2 and again it was planned - but pretty casually. And we were like, yeah I think now would be a nice time. It happened the first time we tried with Irene, but I think because of that we were like - yeah, who knows I don't think we will get that lucky again so let’s just try. And it happened the first time we tried, which I feel very, very lucky for that.

And it was very, very different situation this time. I started wondering what kind of care I wanted. Part of me was like, should we just start at the hospital so I don’t have to have this big let down and transfer - I was open to everything. Having a cesarean section had taught me a lot. I think it did take me like a year to recover from it emotionally also. But yeah, then ultimately I decided on home birth again - because I just thought, where am I going to be the most comfortable. And I am not afraid of hospitals, but I just could not see myself relaxing - I think especially because having the memory of having to transfer.

So I found a new midwife, my old midwife actually stopped practicing shortly after Irena’s birth - which I think is interesting. I think she was really, really burnt out - which happens to midwives. So that was off the table, I probably would have chosen a new one anyway. I found a woman who specialized in VBAC and was pretty picky with who her clients were, which actually made me feel better that she was very specific about her criteria and I felt that I would have a good chance of having a VBAC at home with her care. She is Holly Arenas Murphy in the Blue Hill area - if anyone need a midwife in that area - she is awesome! So again, the pregnancy was super normal for a long time. I didn’t have too many symptoms. I did get the second trimester energy and great feeling - so that was pretty cool. It was such a difference, I was so happy during this pregnancy, in kind of an inexplicable way. I can be very emotional, I can be very happy. But these two pregnancies both very much felt like it was the baby inside of me determining these feelings.

So I did have a few things that came up later. I did have gestational diabetes, I failed the first test. Then I had to do the three hour fasting one and I still tested positive for that. Since then I have read a lot about that and know there are a lot of conflicting opinions and information about that test in general - which I think is good to know at least moving forward. And that was pretty frustrating for a little while - because it made me very nervous. I was like, well what does this mean, what if I have to have more hospitalized care. But my midwife was so chill about it, she was just like - let’s change your diet a little bit and you can test your blood at home. It was very easy to manage - I just basically stopped eating Ice Cream at night which is what I had been doing. I ate kind of a low carb diet and it was very manageable from there. We did find out she was a girl this time at 20 weeks - I had an ultrasound to make sure I didn’t have placenta previa or something that would complicate a VBAC. So we were like ok, well if we are already in there - let’s just find out - because my husband and I are very bad at waiting. I was sure I was having a boy this time - just because the pregnancy felt so different. So we found out she was a girl and that was exciting. Then we found out she was breach. I think I was 35 weeks, and normally it wouldn’t matter but I felt so proactive this time around - I was like I have to get everything in order, I don’t want to leave anything to chance.

So I went to an acupuncturist and I got a treatment with the needles but then she gave me this incense that you like burn close to your toes. And it sounds totally insane, but I was just willing to try anything, and she did flip before the next appointment with my midwife. I couldn’t really tell, I was trying to squish around, but a butt and a head can feel very similar if you're not a midwife. So she did flip and at some point in this whole story - it was also the beginning of the pandemic. So that was pretty crazy. I think I felt really good that I had something so important to focus on, so I wasn’t just worrying about the new. I was like, ok all I can focus on is this baby - I can’t think about anything else. And it made me really happy that I was planning a home birth too, because I think at that point a lot of people were trying to switch out of the hospital. It made me nervous if I needed to transfer, but again, this time I had a bag packed for the hospital in case - a bag for my older daughter because they weren’t letting kids in the hospital at that point. So everything was prepared. I was also going to a chiropractor and a pelvic floor therapist too. I just checked all the boxes to make sure this baby was ready. I was not ever reclining, and doing all these things to discourage a posterior baby. I was doing a lot of just uncomfortable sitting at the end. Like really, really straight or sitting on the floor. Which can be ok, but when you are hugely pregnant, it can not be the most comfortable thing to do. And I started getting towards the end, a lot of prodromal labor. I had always had a ton of Braxton hicks for both pregnancies but this clearly was a more serious feeling. I was preparing, my first birth was a couple weeks early, so this one might be really early. That was not the right thing to do, because I was ready to have this baby in April and my due date was May 10th which I think was mothers day that year. So I felt really good, I was like - I’m ready. I’m not afraid at all, I’m so ready to go - and she just kept hanging on in there. And it was ok, nothing was wrong I mostly was comfortable, but that prodromal labor was really exhausting. It would come and then it would go away, several nights it would start up and be pretty uncomfortable contractions but if I took a bath, they would go away. So it was not the real thing. And I remember having an appointment on May 14th with my midwife. I started crying at that appointment because I was just like, so tired of being pregnant and so done! I asked her - has anyone gone into labor while you were at the appointment with them? And she was like - one, but several people I will leave and then they will call me back. And at that point she was like - we aren’t going to schedule another one because you will probably have this baby pretty soon. And that night, the contractions again started. And I realized they had been going on all day too, which hadn’t usually happened - but I just thought, this is prodromal labor. I was driving because I had to get groceries that day, and it was really hard. They were pretty serious, so I probably was in casual labor all day without even realizing it. Which I guess is the good thing about having prodromal labor - when it starts - I didn’t feel it. But we did get the tub set up that night, because I was just like - this might be real. Why don’t we just set it up and get it ready, just in case. I was sleeping in a separate bed at that point, which I think is something that a lot of pregnant women can understand. And it can sound really bad - like you aren’t sleeping in the same bed with your husband anymore. But it was just like - yeah I was just so uncomfortable and huge, and we all just wanted to be getting the best sleep that we could. So I went into my bed for the night, which was around 10 or 10:30pm and I started casually timing - because I could drift off, but I was waking every ten minutes. And I did that for awhile until I was like, ok this is not going away - it is pretty regimented, and pretty clear. So I had a birth photographer this time, that is something I did the second time too - I think I was embarrassed or sort of ashamed the first time to want the things that I knew I wanted, but I was like - no its silly to want these things and do all this. It’s not, you only do these things a few times in your life. So I texted the birth photographer because she was coming from a little farther away. I felt bad contacting everyone, I had been having this on and off - and she was so sweet, she was like I will just stay. Then I called my midwife and - I don’t know if it was like my labor brain - but she almost sounded like annoyed. And it made me feel really bad, and I was like Holly I don't know - and she was like - ok, well I guess I’ll head over. Which maybe was a good attitude to be sort of chill, I feel like midwives always have like a - well we’ll see - kind of vibe. And I didn’t tell my husband even. Because I think the whole vibe for the second was was - yeah, I didn’t text friends or family - I was way more superstitious the second time. I didn’t want anyone to know, until this baby was out. I didn’t want to jinx anything, it really was kind of intense - my superstition. But it also was a nice way to do it, it was like - nobody else needed to know - except your birth team. So they all showed up around midnight or 1am. My photographer was also a doula so that was a nice combination. And everyone sort of just napped a little bit. I was on the couch, Aura - the photographer - was in a chair. I mean it’s the funny thing - birth workers can sleep anywhere - and so they were all like, oh don’t worry about it - we will figure it out.

I had to vocalize through contractions, I was sort of humming through them at that point. And I am an impatient person, so I asked holly - I was like, what do you think I’m at if you had to guess, what would you say? And she was like, well you're probably at around 7cm right now but who knows, and we will know it’s serious when you can’t lay on that couch anymore. She was like, when you can no longer be sitting or laying - then we are in a different phase. Which did happen at a certain point. I had to get up and I was leaning over, which felt really good - to kind of be in a tabletop position. And we have these cement countertops - and I was just laying my forehead on them and it felt so good, to have that cool feeling on my forehead. And I think at some point - Rob came downstairs, I think around 4am, and it was pretty laid back. I am a pretty quiet laborer, I get pretty inward facing - I don’t really want a ton around me. I always thought I wanted music, but that always felt too intense. And so they were just starting to boil water, starting to fill the tub - kind of moving around. It was a nice flow, everyone was really quiet, it was a good feeling. And it was getting pretty intense in a way that it never did with my first - like I was feeling it all in my pelvis - and so much pressure. It felt so crazy. I never had that with my first baby, so I was like this clearly is different. She is coming down. At some point, I started to say with each contraction - I can do this, I can do this. Because I was getting a little like - whoa ok, this is starting to be pretty intense. I remember my husband was looking me and was sort of like - why are you taking to yourself? I mean, as many times he has seen birth videos and seen me in labor - I think it is definitely a different world - and he kind of was like, why are you doing that?

And my older daughter slept through most of it. She is a great sleeper, and that was sort of a mantra of mine - I was like I want this labor to the less than half the time of my first birth, and I want it to mostly be through the night so Irene could be sleeping. And that is exactly what happened. I got into the tub at some point - the sun was coming up at this point - and my water broke. And it was so clear. My body did start to push with contractions at some point, and so when that popped - I could feel that sensation. And I know a lot of people say that’s when it gets more intense - but actually that was such a relief. Like the relief of the pressure for me - felt so much better! I think that was a really cool feeling of having a balloon in between your legs sort of - it felt really weird. And so yeah, I was in the tub for a little while - and then again this thing happened where I relaxed too much. And I think I was really reminded of my first labor too - because the tub was where things started to be like - this is not happening. I started to get really discouraged and I said that to Holly - I was like, I am really worried. And she just looked at me so calmly and was like - why? And it was such a nice response, she was like just like ok, tell me what you're feeling. And I was like I’m afraid it’s not going to happen, I’m afraid she is nowhere near coming out. And Holly was like, well why don’t you reach inside and see if you can feel her. And I did, and she was right there. I could feel her head, and I started laughing and crying because I was like - yes, ok she is here - she is very close. But I did get out of the tub at some point, because I was relaxing too much I think. And that is when I got a little more active agin. I was on the toilet to see if that would work, it wasn’t really working - and Holly was like, why don’t we go upstairs. Why don’t we get on the bed and see if that will work. And I was a little worried about that too, because that reminded me of my first birth. My daughter was up at this point, she did quietly come downstairs at some point. I had been preparing her for all of this - so she was not freaked out by the noises I was making - and she was peeking in the tub, she was very sweet. But then at some point when I got out of the tub I had this major contraction where I was pushing at the same time - and I pooped on the floor, in front of her - and that is when she lost it. Because this was the part that she didn’t know - and she was in the midst of potty training - so I think it was really troubling for her to be like - why is mommy pooping on the floor? And she started crying and really having a hard time - so Rob. took her outside to go for a walk because we thought that would be best to calm her down a little bit. So I went upstairs - I tried a couple positions. I remember trying one on my side and it was really excruciating, which again seems weird - a lot of people say the side laying position was a really nice position, but I just could not do that. And so I ended up again, on my back with my legs up and a midwife on each side. And at this point I was like, I don’t care - if this is how my body does it then ok, I do think my pelvis is shaped a little funny and the baby has to get under my pubic bone, so that could be a helpful position. And that position actually felt comfortable too, it actually felt ok to be in that position - and that is when stuff got real. I feel like I’m a pretty chill laborer, but at that point I was roaring! Not in a bad way, I wasn’t scared or anything - but it was just really intense. That probably was around 9am, and Rob said he could hear me from our dirt road outside. So he was a little ways away and he was like - I could hear you screaming in there. And he was dealing with his own kind of trauma and he was like not sure what was going to happen because of our first experience - he was really going through a lot out there. But so was I at that moment, and yeah - then it was like clear that she was coming. It was hard, I had no fetal ejection reflex, I wish I had that - so yeah, it took a lot. I finally figured out the thing that they say that you don’t figure out until your doing it - and its, you push like your pooping. That is really the way to do it. I had a mirror which did help a lot to see her getting closer and closer. Then at some point, her head was out - I can remember all of that pretty clearly. I feel like my body really does remember that. I think it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. It was just so different, I thought that stretching feeling was crazy. That is a big thing to come out of a small space, so it just is wild. I thought when her head was out that would be kind of the end of it - but it was like her shoulders were huge and her chest was huge so yeah, it felt like it took a little bit after the head. My midwife did kind of help her out too, which I was ok with, she sort of pulled her out when her chest was there - I think her chest was the hardest part. And then it was over, and she was on me and so slippery and slimy, which I had not gotten with my first because she was all bundled up pretty quickly by the time they gave her to me. The cord was kind of short, so she couldn’t be up on my chest, so she was kind of on my stomach which was a little awkward. Then that was over. Then someone had gone out to call Rob and Irene, he did miss the actual birth but he was there right after when she was on me - I remember looking at him and being like - oh my god I did it!

I didn’t believe it was going to happen, until it happened. I think that is probably how everyone feels, but especially with a VBAC - I was so superstitious. I wasn’t aware there was this gush of blood immediately after I had her and I do remember my midwife looking me in the eyes and was like - I’m going to give you a shot of Pitocin right now. And I trusted her totally so I was like - yup, do whatever you have to do. I wasn’t scared because I trusted her. And I knew again, from being obsessed with birth, I was like - ok I know what this means, maybe I’m hemorrhaging. They wanted to get the placenta out - or actually, when the placenta came out - that is when the gush of blood came out. So they were a little worried. But it turns out it probably was just the way my placenta and the amniotic sac was, it looked like a lot because it all came out at once, but it actually was ok. I lost maybe a little more blood than normal, but things were good. I had a second degree tear, which I wasn’t aware of and in a way - after everything I had been through, they were very careful. They gave me a shot of lidocaine and Holly was like, can you feel what I’m doing. And I was like, yeah I can kind of feel. And she was like, let’s give you more sorry. And I was just like I don’t really care, I’m fine.

And she was a total champ nurser, I didn’t have any discomfort. The recovery because of the tear was pretty hard. I remember at the two week mark being like, I feel ok now sitting down. And just the recovery in general, I felt like my bones were all out of place. And it felt so strange in a way that I didn’t feel with the cesarean. And I remember everyone kept saying - oh don’t you feel better having a vaginal birth versus a cesarean birth? And I don’t know if I could say that - like it was still a pretty intense recovery. I would not choose a cesarean over that, because surgery freaks me out more. But I think sometimes, people can have that assumption that because you had a vaginal birth it’s just better, and I mean - it’s still a pretty gnarly thing. But yeah, after about two weeks it was way better. Rob went back to work after two weeks. And in a way I was like, ok maybe its better for you to just go so I have to figure out how to do this alone with two kids because I think it was looming, knowing that he was going to go back. And I was just like, ok I have to figure it out now.

And it was ok to have a two year old and a baby, I think in some ways it was actually better than being hugely pregnant and having a toddler. To just like strap the baby on and go for walks. But now that they are three and five, this feels like a lot crazier some of the time. Its awesome, they are best friends, but the intensity actually sometimes feels harder now.

Angela: Do you want to share any resources that helped you process your transfer after your first birth or prepare for your HBAC?

Nora: I think just talking is the thing that helped me process the most. I wasn’t seeing a therapist, but just talking to anyone, especially other moms who had had cesarean or unexpected cesareans. It was hard, because a handful of friends of mine at the time were having home births. So I think it’s ok if you need to distance yourself from people for awhile. Or just not talk about things for awhile. It’s not a selfish thing to do. I don’t think I really read anything specifically the second time around, but I just feel like birth is such a crazy thing - just go all out if you can. Don’t feel selfish and don’t feel bad. I was kind of like what will people think of me if I do all these things. Which are not crazy things, like going to a chiropractor - not crazy, just taking care of yourself. So I think that’s my biggest lesson and advice.

Angela: How did it feel looking at the photos of your HBAC after you got them back from your birth photographer?

Nora: Yeah, I am so glad I did that. Because, you can’t really comprehend what a crazy thing it is, like you can feel it, but… I looked back on the pictures today because it’s Veda’s birthday and it is CRAZY! They are like pretty badass, not like - it’s so funny too, because so much of it is calm and serene and then at the end they get like - heavy metal kind of is what it feels like. It’s like me screaming and there is blood - the normal amount of blood that is at a birth, but it makes me feel pretty awesome. I am very proud, I mean - everyone who has a baby should be proud - I mean its crazy no matter how you do it, but I am so glad that I have those immortalized.

Angela: Thank you so much Nora for sharing your story today!

Nora: Yeah, thank you for putting this all together!

And that’s the end of another episode of the MyMaine Birth Podcast!  Thank you for joining me and listening!  I hope that the stories shared here have been inspiring and informative to all of my listeners.

If you’re looking to capture your own birth story, I highly recommend considering my Maine birth photography services.  I am a skilled professional Maine Birth Photographer, and am very passionate about capturing the raw and emotional moments of the birthing process, annnnd I also design a personalized and intimate photo album, creating a beautiful and lasting memory of one of the most special moments of your life.  For more information about Maine Birth Photography head over to https://www.mymainephoto.com and schedule a complementary zoom consultation with me!

Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories.  Don’t forget to subscribe and leave a review! And I’ll See you back here again, next week.