MyMaine Birth, Cynder’s Maine Home Birth as a first time mom with Care from the Midwife team over at Holly No.7 in Bangor, Maine
MyMaine Birth, Cinder’s Maine Home Birth as a first time mom with care from the Maine Midwife team over at Holly No.7 in Bangor, Maine
Welcome to MyMaine Birth, a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. From our state’s biggest hospitals to birth center births, and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. From the first feelings of pregnancy to the first cry of your newborn, we explore the beauty, intensity, and emotion. Whether you are a soon to be mom, seasoned mother, or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you.
If you are looking to capture your own birth story, I highly recommend considering my Maine Birth Photography Services. I am a skilled professional Maine Birth Photographer and am very passionate about capturing the raw and emotional moments of the birthing process.
I design a personalized and intimate photo album with every birth photography session, creating a lasting and beautiful memory of one of the most special moments of your life. For more information head over to https://www.mymainephoto.com/birthphotography
Today’s birth story guest is Cynder, join me as she shares her experience as a first time mom birthing as home. She received care during her pregnancy from the skilled midwife team from Holly No. 7 Maine Birth Center in Bangor, Maine.
Join me and listen here for my conversation with Cynder! Scroll down for the full transcript!
Angela: Hi Cynder, Welcome to MyMaine Birth
Cynder: Hello!
Angela: So to start can you share a little bit about you and your family?
Cynder: Sure, My partner John and I we live just off of MDI in Trenton - and we are both Firefighters/ EMT’s and my “real job” is - I’m a carpenter for a local custom home company on MDI. And together we have a dog and a bunch of chickens and the most amazing one year old kiddo named Everest.
Angela: Oh my goodness, awesome! So why don’t you tell me a little bit about when you found out you were pregnant and a little bit about what your thoughts were and the care that you chose.
Cynder: Yeah totally, so I found out I was pregnant two days after I turned 23, and it was a big surprise. She was definitely a happy accident as Bob Ross would say. And I was having very vivid dreams - I was like, what is going on! And my period was maybe one day late - and I remember we had just gone camping in mid-coast Maine for my birthday - and I was so glad that my period didn’t start while we were camping, because that isn’t fun. And I was having really vivid dreams, and I remember the morning after we got back - I woke up, my eyes just popped open - and I was like - I have to take a pregnancy test. And I was maybe one or two days late at that point - we definitely weren’t trying - but I just had a gut feeling. So I go to the bathroom and I take a test and immediately before I could even put it down it was very positive.
So I sort of sit down and go - oh ok. I just had to sit there for a second in shock. It’s early in the morning, my partner John was still in bed sleeping - and I was like, well I can’t go back to bed with this information. So I just started the coffee maker and was like - John, the coffee is ready, can you get up. And poor guy - I don’t think I even let him finish his first cup of coffee and I was like - I have to tell you something. And I just remember him like - nervous laughing, and thats all I really remember of that conversation.
But I knew immediately that I wanted a home birth, and that was something I had grown up around. When I was three my little brother was born at home and that was one of my first memories, was that experiences. And so I just kind of always knew that if I were to have kids, that would be the care that I would choose. But when you are pregnant for the first time, especially if you’re not planning on getting pregnant, it’s kind of just really overwhelming and I didn’t know what to do. So I was like - I guess I just call a doctors office - to see if I’m actually pregnant. Which, if you have a positive test, there’s a good chance you're actually pregnant. And so I did call - I started off by calling the local women’s health center in Bar Harbor, and was like - I’m pregnant, what do I do?! And they were like, well you can come in for an appointment in two or three weeks. And I was like, two or three weeks! I think you misheard me - I’m pregnant. So I just waited - and was like, I’m just supposed to sit here with this information and not do anything for two or three weeks - thats crazy. But I waited and I did go to that first appointment I had - and it was fine, nothing bad to say about it. But it was a doctors office and it was stuffy and kind of impersonal. And so I just knew, that was not what I was really wanting. And luckily I have a friend who had been through this situation about a year before me and she had a Maine home birth so she recommended a local midwife on MDI - and so I called her after that appointment and was like - please be my midwife, I really want a home birth. And she was like - when are you due? And I said the end of March. And she said - oh I’m going to be out of state that month so I can’t be your midwife. So I was like ohh, okk, thats fine.
So I was looking into other options, and I stumbled upon the Holly No.7 Birth Center in Bangor which was where I was living at the time. And I was like, ok I guess the next best thing, if I can’t have a home birth - would be a birth center. So I scheduled a consultation and I went and the midwife who was there that day for my consultation was Julie Havener which was the midwife I called. I was like - Hi, we talked on the phone - I really want you to be my midwife. And she was like - oh, we can make it work! She said - my partner Chris will be your midwife if I’m not available - but first births often go late so I do have a vacation planed around your due date but I’ll probably be back, you’ll be fine. And I was like - oh, this is awesome. So I immediately transitioned my prenatal care to Julie - technically under the Holly No.7 sort of framework - but I primarily worked with Julie throughout my pregnancy, and then towards the end I did some appointments with Chris as well just to get acquainted with her just in case. But it was amazing, she would come to my house, we would spend an hour/hour and a half we would listen to heart tones, she would ask questions, my partner was there and he would ask questions - the dog would bark, she knew the dog. It was just really, really amazing. Yeah, so pregnancy overall was pretty smooth. By the nature of my work - I do construction, and at that time I was going through fire academy too - so I was very active and physical throughout my pregnancy - which in hindsight probably made things easier. But yeah, I had one ultrasound at 20 weeks, we didn’t find out the sex until birth - but just to make sure everything was looking good. And yeah, that was my pregnancy.
Angela: So tell me about when your labor started and when you decided to call your midwife.
Cynder: Yeah, so I - like Julie predicted, went past 40 weeks. 40 weeks came around and I got all those text messages - like asking - is the baby here yet? That infuriated me - if you know someone who is pregnant, please don’t do that to them. And I knew that Julie would be back 4 days past my due date. So I was like, ok - this baby isn’t going to come until 4 days past my due date. Which was Monday. We had an appointment scheduled, just like a checkup scheduled on Tuesday - just for a checkup. And we were texting over the weekend and she was like - hey, I’m coming back on Monday, I really feel like I need to see you on Monday - can we reschedule? And I was like, sure let’s do that.
And so the weekend past, it was April 2nd - I was 40weeks and 2 days - and I was like, oh it will be fun if the baby came on Monday because then it would be 4/4/22 and 44 is a special number to us. And I was like - we’ll see - and I woke up at sort of my usual time it was around 6:30am and I woke up to what I thought was a contraction. I didn’t know what to expect, I had never done it before. So I kind of got up and started going about my day. Then I was like, these things that I think are contractions are happening pretty consistently.
So I text John and he was at work - and he’s a firefighter so he works 24 hour shifts - so he was gone the whole past day and that past night, and was going to be coming home that morning anyway - but I was like, hey I think I’m having contraction - no rush, its going to be awhile. First births always take so long, come home at your usual time - I’m just letting you know. So he gets home at like 7:30 or 8am and I’m still having pretty consistent contractions at 2 or 3 minutes apart. And I was like - that is weird, that is not what is supposed to be happening. So maybe at around 8 or 8:30 I was like, maybe I should just call the midwife assistant and let them know this is happening.
I called the midwife assistant at Holly No.7 Birth Center in Bangor and she was like, yeah it sounds like you're in early labor - it does sound like they are happening pretty consistently, but you are able to talk through them and continue what you are doing. And I was like, yeah kind of I kind of have to stop but I can talk through them. And so they were like - just go about your day as normal, maybe the baby will be here later tonight or tomorrow. So I was like - great.
And the entire time I had been pregnant I had envisioned a night time birth. I had the birth tub, and all of our supplies. I had these tiny little fairy lights that I was going to put between the liner of the tub and the tub so it would be like a big sparkly birth soup. Of course that didn’t happen - but I had all these plans. But I was like, this baby is for sure coming tonight. And like I said, we are both fire fighters and John was like, I have an idea - we should just drive around and mark on an app where all the fire hydrants are, so we can learn them. And I was like, I don’t know if I really want to be doing that right now. I was like, you know it’s going to be a long day - we should just prep and clean the house and get some snacks for the birth team because we are going to be here for awhile. So we load up the car to go the dump - and I have one contraction in the car and was like - no, turn around - we aren’t doing this.
Because the whole time I was pregnant I was like I want a home birth partially because I don’t want to labor in the car. I always heard that was horrible - and I can confirm, that at least for me - that was one of the worst contracts that I had. I was trying to kneel and I couldn’t sit in the seat. So he dropped me off at home and I was like - I’m in early labor, I’m still having very consistent contractions - but I was like I’m totally still in early labor so it’s fine. So I made John a grocery list and said these are the things I want, please go to the grocery store. And then things immediately ramped up as soon as he left. I had my bloody show, my contractions got more intense - I was just like, I just need to get into the bath tub. We had a birth tub and I was planning on laboring in that but I was like - if I fill it up now, it’s just going to get cold. So I was like I’m just going to get into the bath tub because that way I can drain it and put more hot water in if I need to. So I fill up the bath tub and crouch down as much as possible, as much as my body could be submerged. And at that point I’m very much having to be very intentional with my breath.
I had taken a mindful birthing class and I was just trying to remember everything that I learned. And at that point I think I was vocalizing too. And John called me and was like, they don’t have the right kind of cliff bars - what should I do? And I was like - I don’t care, just come home. And he was like - ok, I’ll be home soon. So he gets home and finds me in the bath tub moaning. And he's like do you want me to fill up the birth tub? And I was like sure. He asked me if I wanted him to play music - and I was like stop asking me questions please.
So I think at that point he might have called the midwife, I don’t think I ever called the midwife myself - because I convinced myself that I first of all wasn’t in active labor - and also - I just didn’t need to. But I think at that point John did, and I was in the bath tub and then I got super hot. I was like I have to get out - and meanwhile Julie is coming home that day - so she is like - driving back from the airport as this as happening. And I realize now, that I was going through transition. So I got really hot, I started pacing and I started saying “John, I’m scared, I can’t do this, I’m scared, I’m scared” And he is just trying to fill the birth tub - and was like, your doing great! But he’s trying to do all these other things. And I just didn’t know what was happening because I just couldn’t believe that only 4 or 5 hours into labor I was about to have a baby. Thats just not what happens. So I was like, this is going to be going on for the rest of the day into the night - I was like, I’m not going to be able to do this.
So I was pacing, and at one point I was like - I just have to poop and if I just poop, I’m going to feel so much better - and so I sit on the toilet and I was like John I need you to see if I’m pooping because I’m pretty sure you are pooping. And he was like yeah, you might be pooping, I can’t really tell. And I was like - ok great, I’m just pooping, this is fine. And then my water breaks, on the toilet. Which is maybe the best place for it to break. And I was like John did you hear that?! And he’s like yup - you're doing great! But I had lost it, I was just so overwhelmed because it was happening so fast. And I’m still not realizing why it’s hard. It was because I was in transition. And at one point - maybe 5 hours into labor I was like John I am pretty sure I am pushing now and this baby is going to be coming soon. And he was like - what? And I said - yeah, please get a towel.
At this point I was off the toilet - we lived in a super tiny apartment so you could see everywhere from every room. So he was in the kitchen and I’m in the bathroom in front of the toilet like on my knees with elbows on the tub. And I was feeling so much pressure and it was really very overwhelming. And I am just panicking - but trying to keep my cool. And he called Julie and was like I think she’s pushing - and I remember I could hear her on the phone - she was like - what, she’s pushing?! She was like - she’s pushing? ok I’m on the eagle lake road, I’m coming, I’m coming!
And she got there about 5 minutes before her head was born. I remember when she came to the door I heard the dog bark and was like - ok Julies here, it’s going to be ok now. And pretty immediately she was like Cynder I need you to push. And I think I might have even been like - no I’m good. But she was like no, Cynder this is important, I need you to push. So I mustered everything I had and I let out a scream that I’m sure the whole neighborhood heard - we lived in an apartment and we didn’t tell our neighbors we were having a home birth - which in hindsight, maybe we should have - but I’m sure they figured it out pretty quickly. So yeah, her head was born - then another big push, and then her body was born. And it definitely took a little bit for her to arrouse maybe 30 seconds, and Julie was saying hold your baby - talk to your baby.
She started crying and it was amazing - and I was just sitting on the toilet and I was just so overwhelmed and shaking and we didn’t use any of these birth supplies that we had laid out. We didn’t use the tub - we used a towel, and that was it. And Julie just kind of helped me walk over to the bed - which we didn’t put the right sheets on it or any of the things. But she just layed down a puppy pad and I delivered the placenta on the bed - and it was really sweet. And at one point the midwife assistant showed up and so they kind of just tucked us in and went to the kitchen and made us some food. And I did tear a little bit - I think it’s sort of because Julie encouraged me to push when I wasn’t super excited about doing it. And the next day at the 24 hour visit she explained to me that before her head was born she was kind of rooting around which was a sign that she was trying to breath before she was born which could be dangerous - so thats why she was like, no this baby needs to come out now. So thats why that happened - I had a very minor tear. And yeah, other than that it was pretty uneventful. The dog is usually not allowed on the bed because I knew that we would be bed sharing and I didn’t want him to think that was a space he could be - but after she was born he was like, no I need to be here and he climbed up on the bed and we were all in bed together - and she was born. It was not at all like I expected, but it was maybe better than I expected.
Angela: What an incredible story, that is beautiful! I love how it ends with the dog in-between you on the bed, thats so special!
Cynder: Yeah they very much have a big brother little sister relationship now, she’s like a little turd and he is very patient with her.
Angela: Thats so cool how it happens like that.
Cynder: Yeah he was like, I need to be there.
Angela: I love that! So how did postpartum go?
Cynder: Yeah, well I don’t think postpartum is every really easy. But I think that I was definitely lucky to have the care that I had and I think it could have definitely been a lot harder. Her latch wasn’t great, at first, so I definitely had some cracked nipples/blisters and stuff, and when my milk came in - the engorgement was pretty crazy. And then I definitely had an over supply - which I don’t really want to call it an issue, I guess - but it was absolutely something to navigate. And my mom came up for about a week after she was born so I had people around. John was able to take a month off of work which was huge - so I wasn’t alone, which is incredible. I remember when he went back to work for the first time, I was like - wait I’m supposed to just keep her alive, by myself - what? But it worked, everyones good!
But I had Julie, and she came at 24 hours and 3 days and a week and I could always call her if I had any questions. She helped with lactation things. And she was definitely like - you need to not get out of bed for a week - and I was like, ok that sounds good in theory. I didn’t follow that as much as I should have - I was going a little stir crazy and I just went for a walk down the block at like 4 days postpartum, and she was like - you did what? No. So in hindsight, I shouldn’t have done that. But I think postpartum went well all things considered.
Angela: Do you want to share any resources that were helpful to you, or any suggestions for new or expecting parents/
Cynder: Yeah, I was thinking about that and advice is so hit or miss - because everyones different, everyones family is different, everyones baby is different everyone has a different situation and something that could be really crucial for some people may not help other people. I was thinking about it and was trying to keep it kind of broad for that reason. I definitely prepped, and I read a lot of books and I listened to a lot of podcasts and I watched a lot of YouTube videos and I am happy to share that if anyone is interested in bed sharing or elimination communication or baby wearing or all of those things, but I know thats not important to everyone or not something everyone chooses to do - and that’s totally fine. But I guess kind of broad speaking - I was kind of trying to think about the things that helped me the most through pregnancy, through birth, through postpartum and parenting. And I thought of two things, the first of which is learning how to advocate for yourself - I think that is so important. Even if you are lucky enough like me to have prenatal care that you feel super respected and cared for in - people love to come up to pregnant people and start telling horrible stories to them - and you have to just be like, I think you have good intentions - but no thank you. And there is going to always be situation where you need to learn to advocate for yourself and for your baby. So I think learning how to do that, practicing how to do that, and surrounding yourself with people who are going to help you do that is really going to help.
Then the other thing - which has been probably the most important thing for me as a new mom, is continuing to do the things that I did and that were part of my identity before I had a baby - and I know that is so easy to say, and its so easy to say when you only have one baby and you have a supportive partner, and I totally get that - and if anyone is listening going like yeah sure… then Ok, its ok. But, I have found that just kind of incorporating my daughter into the things that I love to do has been really great for me, and great for her - so, like I said I have a great supportive partner so I am able to do things by myself if I need to - but even better, is bringing her with me. So baby wearing has been crucial for me! In her first 6 months - I love to be outside, so we hiked the 26 peaks of Acadia together and I just wore her.
Now we are gardening, and she’s toddling around and she’s out there eating dirt - its important for me to maintain the things that I like to do and that make me feel like a person - because I am a mom, but I’m not just a mom. And showing my daughter that you can be a mom and you can do all those things but you can still be yourself - I think is really important. And has been really crucial for me and my mental health as a mom. So I know its not easy to do all yourself, but like I said that and advocating yourself can really go a long way.
Angela: Yes, I totally agree, that was very well said. Absolutely. So are there any other resources that you want to share. You also talked about elimination communication, how has that been going? I did that with my youngest daughter - and afterwards was like - I should have done this with all of my kids!
Cynder: Oh my gosh! It’s so funny, because especially with my partner - he was like this is my favorite part of being a dad. So to backtrack a little bit - the woman that I knew that had a home birth, now we are great friends - she is probably my best mom friend - our daughters are a year apart, so she had figured all of this out before hand. I was lucky enough to just be passed down all of this information that she had learned. So she sent us a little care package when I was pregnant and it included a newborn, its called a “tophat” Its basically like a plastic cup with a wide rim that you can put a baby on and they use it as a little baby potty. I read Go Diaper Free: A Simple Handbook for Elimination Communication by Andrea Olson https://www.amazon.com/dp/1736719904?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1&ref_=cm_sw_r_cp_ud_dp_RN7CE1MXV0RNJT560W0T So at three days old we just put her on it whenever we sort of started to notice when she would go potty - like right after she would breastfeed or right after she woke up. And it was really kind of cool, we caught a poop - and I was like whoa, thats awesome. And it’s super empowering to be in tune with your baby enough to know when she needs to go poop. Which makes sense when you think about it - because most mammals don’t want to soil themselves, and babies are the same way. But like I said, for John, it was his first way to really bond with her - and you know, as a dad he’s always like umphhhh , you know making all the poop noises with her. And there’s so many pictures of holding the tiny little newborn Everest. And still, every morning, they go potty together. So its been great for our family, we are being pretty casual with it - like if we know that she has to go potty then we will definitely take her and I think that is a win win for everybody. But it’s not bad if - misses aren’t something to worry about, but its just like when you get a catch you get a catch and thats great. And so, yeah - I don’t think more babies are in the future but like I said - the first one wasn’t planned either. But I think there’s a good chance she will be my only one, but if for some reason I do have another baby I would definitely do it again. A lot of people get a little bit like, oh that seems like a lot, or oh thats going to be overwhelming, but you kind of just get into the rhythm. And just like diaper changes are overwhelming, arguably it’s just kind of another step and you just put them on the potty before you change their diaper. So yeah!
Angela: Yeah it is really cool, my daughter was 18 months when we ditched the diapers completely and it was just so cool to not have to deal with it.
Cynder: Yeah, and often times if we are in parking lots, we’re just like stoping and letting her pee, like she has to pee we’re doing this.
Angela: Awesome! Well do you want to leave you contact information if anyone wanted to reach out.
Cynder: Yeah, I’m on instagram, my account is private but you can still find me and message me - @cynder.stone on instagram. And then email if that is easier is cynderjohnson@gmail.com
Angela: Ok awesome, I will link those both in the show notes, and thank you so much Cynder for sharing your birth story today!
Cynder: Of course, it was my pleasure.
And thats the end of another MyMaine Birth Podcast. Thank you for joining me. I hope that the stories shared here have been inspiring and informative to all of my listeners.
If you are looking to capture your own birth story, I highly recommend considering my Maine Birth Photography Services. I am a skilled professional Maine Birth Photographer and am very passionate about capturing the raw and emotional moments of the birthing process. I also design a personalized and intimate photo album, creating a beautiful and lasting memory of one of the most special moments of your life. For more information on Birth Photography in Maine head over to https://www.mymainephoto.com/birthphotography and schedule a Complimentary Zoom Consultation with me.
Thank you again for tuning in, and I look forward to bringing you more amazing Maine Birth Stories. Don’t forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I will see you back here again Next Week!
To reach out to the midwife team at Holly No 7 Birth Center in Bangor head over to https://www.hollyno7.com
