98. My Maine Birth: Claiming Your Full Power, Rendalyn’s Maine FreeBirth Story

Rendalyn: 0:00

Yeah, I just kept breathing through those pushy contractions. She started crowning Again. I felt like a little bit of that stinging sensation, but it wasn't too bad. And on the last I had gone through probably maybe seven of those pushy, really high pressure contractions and I think the last one I remember gearing up. I'm like I'm going to actually push on this one because this feeling isn't very fun. It's like pressure at the top of my, of my vagina is just like really hurting. So like I'm going to let's see if we can just get this part over with. And so I did.

Rendalyn: 0:39

I gave a little bit of a push on that last one and her head came out, which felt amazing, like such relief, you know. And then with the next contraction, again I didn't even push that, just body slid right out and was that felt so good, of course, and my husband caught her and kind of set her on the ground and spun her around and kind of slid her under my legs. And by the time he did all that, I was just first looking down anyway. And there she was and she was already crying super loud. And, yeah, I just scooped her up and turned around, sat on my bum and held her and I just started laughing.

Rendalyn: 1:23

I was like I did it, we did it. I just kept saying that over and over we did it, we did it and it was awesome she was, she was making her sounds and she was covered in vernix, like a lot of vernix and blood and all that good stuff. And I was just on such a high just like I did it, like I said I was going to do it and then I did, and I feel amazing and oh man, it was great.

Angela: 1:52

I'm Angela and you're listening to my Maine Birth a space where we share the real life stories of families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine. Families and their unique birth experiences in the beautiful state of Maine, From our state's biggest hospitals to birth center births and home births, every birth story deserves to be heard and celebrated. Whether you're a soon-to-be mom, a seasoned mother or simply interested in the world of birth, these episodes are for you. Welcome to episode 98. Today's birth story guest is Rendalyn, and she's here to share all about her main free birth story. Hi, Rendalyn, welcome to my Main Birth. Hey, so to get started, will you share a little bit about you and your family?

Rendalyn: 2:45

Yeah, totally. So my name is Rendalyn. I am up in Presque Isle, aroostook County, with my husband, craig, and our two children. I have a almost four-year-old boy and almost two-year-old girl and, yeah, I'm a stay-at-home mom right now and my husband just started back at school. He's studying plumbing and hvac, so kind of a new adventure for us, but he's loving it and I'm happy at home with the kids and blessed to have all that time with them.

Angela: 3:20

so my husband does HVAC. He's been doing that for a long time. Oh nice, it's exciting that she's getting into it.

Rendalyn: 3:28

Yeah, yeah. Everyone's like, well, they'll always have a job. It's like, yes, that is one of the reasons Stability is nice.

Angela: 3:36

Definitely Never a lack of work in that field. Exactly so were both of your children born in Maine, or just your youngest, just my youngest.

Rendalyn: 3:48

Yeah, so I'm from this area originally, but then I moved down to South Carolina, met my husband there, got married and had our first child down there, and then we moved back here almost two years ago.

Angela: 4:04

Awesome. So will you share a little bit about when you found out you were pregnant for the first time and your thoughts in choosing your care?

Rendalyn: 4:13

Yes, so we had just gotten married, in September 2019. And I think it was January. I had missed a cycle, which I had never been one to miss a cycle before. I'm pretty regular in that way. So I think it was three months three different months I took a test, a pregnancy test, and each time it was negative. But I'm having these other symptoms like, just you know, tender breasts and not very interested in sex and just like all these other things. But every time I took a test it was like negative. So, you know, I believed it and but part of me knew I was like I got, I mean, I have to be pregnant, right? Um, but then finally, I think it was the fourth test, maybe.

Rendalyn: 5:10

Uh, I took it in the morning and it was positive, finally. So that like affirmed it, right, and I went into the bedroom and I just like tossed it at my husband because we were both kind of worried and we weren't planning it, you know and I tossed it to him and he looked at it and he just started. He hid under the blanket and he was crying and I'm like, oh, my goodness, it's okay, like we're going to figure it out, it's going to be great, and then he came out and he was like, no, I'm just so happy and I'm like, oh good. Of course he still ran to the store and picked up another test, a different brand or whatever, to confirm, to really confirm, um, but yeah, I was positive still. So yeah, I, that was it. We just jumped in it kind of. I kind of liked how we didn't know for a few months because it made the pregnancy seem shorter in the long run.

Rendalyn: 6:09

Um, and I had a little bit of time to kind of get used to the idea that this was happening. But I was super happy. I've always wanted to be a mom. I've one of those kids that started babysitting when they were like 10 and I was a nanny and just love kids. So I was, I was super excited and as far as my care, I knew that I didn't want to do a hospital birth and I was in an area that had the option of midwives and birth centers and stuff like that.

Rendalyn: 6:39

So I started calling around to the couple birth centers around and at this point I'm in Greenville, south Carolina, and I got two on the phone and one of them, right off the bat, was a nurse midwife. She kind of questioned if I was even pregnant and I hadn't even met this woman. She's like, oh well, you might not really be pregnant. Well, the first thing we'll do is a blood test. I'm like, oh, okay, I didn't go to her, I called someone else and she was much more warm and just right away Congratulations, that's wonderful. And I'm like this is the one we'll go with you.

Rendalyn: 7:24

So, um, I started seeing there were two midwives, I think, at this birth center, so started seeing one of them regularly and, of course, met the other one a couple of times and, yeah, we just went from there. I had a couple, maybe two ultrasounds in that pregnancy and I think at that first appointment we found out I was 16 weeks already, so just jumping right in maybe 14 weeks, something like that. Um, so, yeah, we had those appointments and it was fine. I, I liked my midwife and, um, yeah, it was. It was pretty smooth sailing as far as my care. Um, until the end, I and the pregnancy itself was great. I really didn't have many issues, I wasn't nauseous, I wasn't in pain, I walked every day and ate better, and it was a great time. I loved it.

Angela: 8:17

So were you planning a birth center birth or a home birth with just midwives that had a birth center?

Rendalyn: 8:22

I was planning a birth center birth. Yes, I considered a home birth center. I was planning a birth center birth. Yes, I considered a home birth, but I don't know. At the time I didn't know very much and I was like, oh, my bathroom's too small because it was like a hallway type of bathroom and it would be very. I figured I'd be in the bath and it'd be crowded and just those kinds of reasons.

Rendalyn: 8:44

Before I knew much more about birth and how important your setting is and everything.

Rendalyn: 8:52

But I was definitely holding to an unmedicated birth and I thank my mother for that because I'm one of 10 kids and she always had all hospital births, but unmedicated, and never, never spoke badly of childbirth, never was very dramatic or negative about it, just like, yeah, you go in and you give birth because that's how it's designed to work and it's fine and I just I'm happy I inherited that and not a very dramatic, tense, anxious story about birth, which a lot of us do get.

Rendalyn: 9:29

So, yeah, I thought the birth center was peaking that. So, yeah, toward the end of my care there I think it was my 39 week appointment I went in for a normal check with my husband and my midwife took my blood pressure and apparently it was too high and she had mentioned it was creeping up in the last few weeks. But I didn't really mind because, I don't know, I didn't feel bad, I felt great and I didn't really wasn't concerned about it. But then at this appointment, I don't know, I didn't feel bad, I felt great and I didn't really wasn't concerned about it. But then at this appointment, I don't even remember what, what the reading was, but she basically was like all right, you need to go meet with the midwives at the hospital because you're going to have to transfer.

Angela: 10:17

After you had already paid to have her services outside of hospital, right? Oh, of course.

Rendalyn: 10:22

Yes, I even we tried to do like the. You know, pay them by a certain week and get a discount and all that, which is you're still paying them but it's so much cheaper than the hospital. So it's like another perk, not why I did it, but definitely helpful and it was just so quick. It was just like your blood pressure was this goodbye, and so I was just kind of. She started. She called them up right then to see if I could get an appointment that day to go to these people.

Rendalyn: 10:52

I've never seen in a setting a hospital that I never wanted to go to and I was doing everything I could to not just cry because everything has been turned upside down. Eye, because everything has been turned upside down. Thankfully she gives us, me and my husband, a moment to like talk and she leaves the room and calls the other midwife who was kind of like the older one, who was the one on the phone that was so like warm and sweet and I got. The midwife I had received was younger and more, a little bit more medical minded in my opinion, but anyway, she went and called the older midwife and thankfully she recommended we try to get things going now before my blood pressure is too crazy, I guess and still be able to have a birth center birth. Still be able to have a birth center birth, which now I look back and I'm like I wouldn't.

Rendalyn: 11:51

I never wanted to be induced either, like I don't want to go to the hospital, I don't want to be induced. But given the two options at that time was what I knew, I was like, okay, yeah, let's induce, I don't, I'm not trying to go to the hospital. So we did, right then that day, a membrane sweep and which, yeah, I wouldn't do now. Um, and they recommended I go get the castor oil, and I did. How far along were you right now, 39 weeks, oh my gosh, you poor thing. Yes, so, but in my mind at that point I'm like, well, this is better than the alternative, like let's just do it.

Angela: 12:24

Um, sure it's a natural way to just get labor going. It's not right production, right like it's natural.

Rendalyn: 12:32

Yes, yes, of course.

Rendalyn: 12:35

Oh man um so you went to get the castor oil yeah, so got that, went home, made the little concoction with the champagne and the orange juice. Oh, it's so gross the texture of that oil on your lips. Oh, I don't recommend to anyone ever, even she. I remember her saying the midwife saying on the bottle of the cash royal, it'll say do not consume orally. But it's okay, you can still consume it orally. Okay.

Rendalyn: 13:11

So I went home, drank that. My husband had to go work a short shift. I went on a walk, called my mom, let her know what was going on. She was supportive. And then I came home. I think maybe I took a nap or a bath or something. Yeah, I think I took a bath and then I had to poop, obviously, and clear my bowels from that castor oil and that was gross, and then got into bed. My husband came home, I think we watched a movie and sure enough, I think I drank that concoction around like 6 pm or something.

Rendalyn: 13:47

And then around 11, I was kind of drifting to sleep and I remember starting to feel some like cramps, like period cramps. So I was like, ok, maybe it's going to work, we'll see. But I still fell asleep and then a few hours later I woke up to stronger contractions and was like, wow, this is really happening. Okay, here we go. And I just stayed in bed, I did not move. I thought I would be someone to like walk around and use a ball and sway and stuff. But I just laid there and just like breathe through them, just one after the other, just totally drifting away. And honestly, if it weren't for my husband timing contractions at some point and calling the midwife and stuff, I wouldn't have left my bed. I was in a zone. It felt good, I was doing great. I did not want to get in a car like that what? But, um, sure enough, after a little while they were pretty close together. He could tell just from my breathing. I wasn't really talking to him, but he was there supporting me. He started timing them. They were close and he's like I'm gonna go take a shower and then we'll, we'll go. Little did we know how close it really was, um, and he had called the midwife and she was like oh yeah, sounds like you should head over, cause the birth center was probably 40 minutes from us. So he went and took a shower.

Rendalyn: 15:15

I started throwing up. I threw up probably two or three times and I knew from from the books I've read and things that throwing up can be a sign of transition. But in my head I'm like there's no way I'm in transition, like I've been bracing for this long, all day, labor, because that's what they say about your first one. It could be forever. So I was like, no, it's fine, I got time, but I'm also just puking. Fine, I got time, but I'm also just puking.

Rendalyn: 15:45

And then we get to the car. But even getting to the car, I had to stop multiple times. I had to go to the bathroom and clear my bowels before I could even think about getting in the car. I had to stop a couple of times, get in the car, just having a rough time sitting there. Not, it wasn't even painful, just like now, I'm uncomfortable because I'm sitting upright with a seatbelt on while I'm transitioning, basically, and a contraction would come and I would have. I lifted myself off the seat because there was so much pressure and I thought this baby's coming out and honestly, he probably was. But yeah, my husband drove way too fast and we got there.

Rendalyn: 16:30

We passed the midwife on the way on the interstate to Spartanburg, so we arrived before her Again had to stop getting out of the car, go, breathe through a contraction, get to the steps, breathe through a contraction. I was like on my toes, like this baby's coming out, like we're really pushing the limit. And then we get inside and she comes in and at least the birth center was calm, quiet, no one else was there. It was like a bedroom, basically, with a lamp, and that was nice. So I sit on the bed and she, my midwife, starts trying to take my blood pressure. I'm like dude, not right now, I'm not breathing normally, like of course it's going to be high, I'm, I'm birthing.

Rendalyn: 17:13

But she could not get a read. She tried a couple of times and finally gave up on that, left the room or no. Then she had to. She wanted to check me. I don't remember her asking or just kind of saying, okay, we're going to check you, and I thought that was normal. So you know, I lay down, she checks me. I don't. I didn't really feel much. Thankfully it wasn't super painful. But she told me later. She told me I was fully dilated, but at the time she just told me nine so that I didn't get too excited. But at the time she just told me nine, so that I didn't get too excited. So, but then she left the room, called the other midwife to let her know that I was completely dilated and ready to go.

Rendalyn: 17:52

My husband started the bath. They had this big, big like jet tub that I was really looking forward to and thought I would use. Totally. Did not make it because he's starting that. She's out in the hallway. I have another big contraction. I reached out. I'm like that is the head. I just call that like it's his head, it's happening. So they rushed back over to me and, yeah, I just start, my body just starts pushing and I I remember pushing a little bit on purpose, but it really mostly was just happening to me, purpose, but it really mostly was just happening to me.

Rendalyn: 18:26

And there was one point where I felt such a I wouldn't say it was like a full ring of fire, but definitely like a stinging sensation. That was like the only time I felt like this is painful, not just an intense experience that was painful, but it was again. It was just like a brief second and my husband was going to catch the baby but as he came out he was fully in his amniotic sack and also, I guess, the cord was wrapped around his neck. So the midwife took over. I think my husband still could have handled that, but you know he was up by me to support me and that was great. And, yeah, baby came out pretty quickly. The head was the stinging part and then the body just like swooshed out super easy and, yeah, he was fully in call.

Rendalyn: 19:19

I didn't get to see that, get to see that, and I will always be kind of sad about that because that would have been super cool to actually see. But I didn't know it was happening. I ended up I was on my back because I was on my back to be checked and then I just didn't even have a chance to move and that the position wasn't a problem, I wasn't painful or anything. But I wish I could have seen more before she she popped it right away and unwrapped the cord and put him, gave him to me and that was just a surreal moment because that the intensity was gone. And then there's this like little gray alien baby coming at me to rest on my chest and here he is, like oh, it's such a wild experience. Um, but he was, he was perfect, he was quiet, his eyes were closed, he started sucking his thumb right away on my chest and I just couldn't, those first few moments I just couldn't believe that that was over. It was it Because I had spent so much time reading and listening to stories and preparing, and the labor and birth were, all you know, high intensity.

Rendalyn: 20:28

And then I felt normal and it was quiet and that was it. So I really was like, wow, that was easy, which you know I'm blessed. It wasn't too crazy or complicated or, you know, messed with too much. And the plac placenta birth of placenta was pretty simple. She kind of tugged and to get it out and I didn't know much about the birth of the placenta anyway, but that came out simple enough. She did the fundal massage, of course, and that's leading to her. Yeah, it didn't feel like a massage Pushing on my belly. That was already very sensitive, basically, yeah, and that's another thing, I didn't get to see the placenta. I didn't ask, but it also just got whisked away and that was that she waited a little bit to have the cord cut, but I don't know it was. Definitely it wasn't pulsing anymore. It did feel quick to me, cause I was like, really, has it been that long? She said yes, and so that was it. My husband cut it and clamped it.

Rendalyn: 21:35

And yeah, she, the midwife, tried to help me nurse right away and that was uncomfortable. She kind of like climbed up on the bed and was like holding my breast and like trying to get it to happen. And I'm like maybe this is not the right angle or the right time, like let's just wait a minute. And she's like, oh, okay, okay, no rush. You know, baby's fine, everything's good. Um, so, yeah, the other midwife arrived at some point, I think after, definitely after the baby had come out and was helping clean up, and they said everything was great, I didn't bleed too much, whatever that means.

Rendalyn: 22:11

And oh, the other thing, the younger midwife who I was with throughout my care. She looked at me and thought I needed stitches, just right, like I just just had this baby. Baby had him on my chest and she's like, okay, yeah, we're gonna have to call her our nurse to come and stitch you up because you tore. I was like, really, do you think so? Like I don't feel, like anything was that bad. She's like, yeah, but then when the older midwife came, she took a look and she's like, oh no, you'll be fine, just keep your legs together, rest, you'll be fine. I'm like thank you, because that was another like shock. To be like everything's fine and, oh, now you're gonna have stitches there hmm, that's kind of ruining the day. So thankfully yeah, thankfully that didn't have to happen.

Rendalyn: 23:03

And then they drew me a nice warm bath with some herbs and I got to get in that with my baby and my husband got into and that was a really sweet time and they left us alone. We just had some time and that was awesome, and then got dressed and they gave me the rundown of what they have to say before they send me home and we were on our way and I just loved FaceTiming family and friends that morning, because not only my mom and maybe my in-laws knew that it might happen that day and everyone was just like what? You're home, what are you doing? Why are you in the hospital? You should be there at least two days or whatever. I'm like no dude, it's fine, I'm in my bed, had some breakfast, it's great.

Rendalyn: 23:50

So it was. It was overall a great experience and, especially from what I've learned since then and stories I've heard of midwife interference and how it can all go much worse, I feel blessed that I got a birth. That was pretty straightforward my first birth, and uninterrupted for the most part, you know to a certain degree, and didn't leave me traumatized, which that should be. That's like a very low bar to like not be traumatized in childbirth, but I was thankful for sure.

Angela: 24:29

Yeah, it's incredibly sad when so many women are walking away from their birth experiences with trauma, healthy women walking away with crazy, crazy birth stories. And it sounds like you had a close call with your high blood pressure.

Rendalyn: 24:47

Yeah, and they took, you know, they took my blood pressure after the birth and everything and she was like, yeah, it's fine. You know, birth tends to do that, clears it right up and I'm like, yes, Actually surfing your baby lowers your blood pressure.

Angela: 25:01

Go for it.

Rendalyn: 25:03

Shocking. Who cares to birth your? How was your blood pressure? Shocking.

Angela: 25:09

How was your postpartum after that?

Rendalyn: 25:14

It was good. Now that I've had a second child I look back on the postpartum with one baby and not a toddler running around and it was wonderful. Just got to be in bed snuggling it was. He was born on Halloween, so it was fall and just cozy outside and inside. And, um, yeah, my husband get a few days off of work and then would go back, but it wasn't like he was gone all day, every day. His shifts were kind of all over the place. I had him around a lot and thankfully I had family in town that set up a little meal train for me, which was amazing. And yeah, I didn't have too many issues. I remember breastfeeding was a little bit hard for a couple days at the beginning just because I was very sore. My nipples were very sore, but that went away pretty quickly and he had a good latch and all that. So, yeah, it was good, nothing to complain about.

Angela: 26:18

So now will you share about when you found out you were pregnant for the second time and, yeah, your thoughts in choosing your care the second time around?

Rendalyn: 26:27

Yes. So I got pregnant the second time when my son turned one around. That time anyway, and that was on purpose, we were excited to have another one and we were also about to leave South Carolina to travel. We had, we had both gotten remote jobs and we were going to do house sitting just wherever they popped up across the country and just like explore a little bit. So it was a lot at once, but we left South Carolina when I was 10 weeks pregnant.

Rendalyn: 27:06

But we left South Carolina when I was 10 weeks pregnant and for my care this pregnancy I didn't really have a plan. I saw the midwife the older midwife from that birth center once before we left, just for fun, like to see how it's going, I guess, and really we just like caught up and she used the Doppler and we kind of heard a heartbeat and that was it. So for my care in general, I was hoping to just to just have a wild pregnancy, to, as they say, a wild pregnancy no care, no official care, and just take care of myself and continue educating myself and moving my body and eating right, and that was the extent of my plan. I had heard about wild pregnancy in my first pregnancy. I was listening to so many podcasts and I came across, you know, spotify suggested the Free Birth Society, which I had no idea what that was, but I had a nice picture and so I clicked on it on one of my one of my walks around the neighborhood and I remember, as the story unfolded I'm listening, my jaw just dropping. I'm like she's purposely having this baby alone, like unassisted at home on purpose. Wait, women are doing this a lot Like I was. It just opened my whole world up to possibilities.

Rendalyn: 28:28

I remember coming back from that walk when I discovered free birth and telling my husband and I must've had like a crazy look in my eye, cause he was like, oh, you don't want to do that though. And I'm like, no, no, no, not, no, we already have a midwife. And obviously I went, I stayed with that midwife or whatever, but definitely the seed was planted. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, we already have a midwife. And obviously I went, I stayed with that midwife or whatever, but definitely the seed was planted and I was like, hmm, maybe next time. So yeah, but this next, the second pregnancy, I I wanted to just have a wild pregnancy and see how it goes. I was open to like changing my mind and maybe seeing someone, but like just see how it goes.

Angela: 29:06

So you had started listening to the Free Birth Society podcasts during your first pregnancy.

Rendalyn: 29:17

Yes, during the pregnancy it gave me a lot of confidence. I'm like, if these women can do it by themselves, I can do it with support, which now I know sometimes that support is not your support, maybe not, but yeah. So I definitely devoured those, those episodes and really gained a lot of inspiration and education from them, just hearing oh, birth can just unfold as it's designed to do and you don't have to mess with it. That sounds simple. I'm, you know, I'm a simple girl. That sounds great. So that was my plan with the second pregnancy and I felt like it was easy to do that because we were traveling and I'm not going to just see a different midwife in every state and have this weird you know thing. So, yeah, I, I didn't see anyone after that first 10-week appointment, yeah. And so we started traveling out west and it was in Montana that I actually lost that pregnancy early. So it was in January, so I was about 16 weeks and I just it was actually very strange because the night before it happened I remember writing in my journal about our travels and everything, and I remember writing that I need to, I need to sit down and with this baby and like meditate or something because I'm just not feeling very connected with this child. And in my first pregnancy I felt very much in tune and this one I was just like I don't feel it, it's just not there, I don't know. And then that same night I was putting my son down for bed and nursing in a dark room, didn't have my phone and I wasn't sleeping. But I just all of a sudden had tears streaming down my face and I had this image in my head that I didn't purposely think of, but it was the image of me reaching into a toilet in a dark room for no reason, like it was just very strange. It was okay, the reason it was a bloody toilet. So it was like just weird, right, just out of nowhere. That's the image that came to me and it was very sad and just bad, a bad feeling, and so I just shook it off and whatever, put my baby down to bed and went to sleep.

Rendalyn: 31:45

But then the next morning I woke up to this just pop in my, my uterus, my abdomen area, which I'd never felt my water break with my first pregnancy. But I was like, oh, that's the pop that everyone talks about, and I knew that was it. But I went to the bathroom and, sure enough, I was bleeding quite a bit and was sitting on the toilet, just you know, upset, crying, bleeding, and I felt something drop out of me and if it was the fetus, if it was baby, I wanted to know, like I didn't want to flush it, you know. So I ended up reaching into this toilet, this bloody toilet, and the lights had stopped working in that bathroom the night before. We were at a friend's house during all this. So I was like here's that vision coming true? And I think it was. I don't know what it was really, but just something preparing me for that, just like, like this is gonna happen and you're gonna be, it's gonna be hard, but you're gonna get through it, you know. So I did reach in. It wasn't the, the baby, it was tissue blood clot, whatever.

Rendalyn: 33:00

Um, I took a shower and continued bleeding and I went and woke up my husband and told him and he was, of course, very upset and said what do you need? What do you need? I'm like I'm just gonna get in the bath and see what happens. And our friend took care of our, our son once he woke up, and so my husband was able to be with me for a lot of that. And yeah, I just remember being in that tub and telling myself like let it go, let it go, let it go, it's just how it is. Like this is what's happening and you can't hold on.

Rendalyn: 33:38

So I did and sure enough, he came out, just this tiny little you know fits in the palm of my hand, little fetus, and, and I was 16 weeks at the time, but I'm sure he had passed on earlier than that. You know, I don't know how, how soon or whatever, because I wasn't getting ultrasounds, but for what it was, it really was the smoothest it could have gone, like he came out no problem. I knew that the placenta obviously needs to come out and it came out kind of funny looking, scratched up, kind of shaggy, and. But I waited a long time to get everything out make sure that was all good and just took my time sitting there and holding my baby and crying and laughing and crying mostly crying, but laughing at how this could even happen. You know, like what in the world you don't think it would happen at that point.

Rendalyn: 34:37

You know, in those first weeks everyone tells you oh, you know, it's normal to lose it early and stuff. But past that 12 weeks, you think you're in the clear and it wasn't that way for me. So we had a beautiful little burial for him out in the yard and had an old cigar box and a blanket we had bought specifically for him a swaddle blanket and put him in there with flowers and, yeah, just had a little little moment, just the three of us, and yeah, he lays to rest there, still in Montana, in view of the Bitterroot Mountains, and yeah, it was beautiful. It was sad, of course, but but good for what it was. And I've, you know, similar.

Rendalyn: 35:21

I've heard stories where women have miscarriages and go into the hospital for all those, the procedures that follow, that equally traumatizing, if not worse, because you don't even get a baby at the end. And, knowing that, I'm so grateful that I just was in a warm tub with my husband and partner and it was okay. And I remember him asking, like do you need to see someone? Should we go talk to someone? I'm like, no, I feel okay, if I start feeling bad, sure we can check it out, but I'm fine and I was. So, yeah, it was hard, but grateful for what it was, I think yeah, and then from there we kept on traveling. We ended up out in Oregon and that's where we conceived again. I think I uh missed, maybe like it was two months later, and then I got my cycle back and then I was pregnant again. So I felt like I was pregnant and breastfeeding forever, just extended, you know.

Rendalyn: 36:28

But finding out I was pregnant that third time after loss was super exciting for me. I think my husband was not ready or a little bit surprised because he hadn't worked through that loss very much, kind of just took care of me and then put it out of his mind, and so that was something we had that reoccurred we had to work through in that third pregnancy. But I was super excited and ready to just go at it again, because that's what you do. And by that point, especially after that loss, I felt, oh, I can totally do this without a midwife or an OB or whatever and getting all the checks like I got this. So, if anything, it just empowered me more and gave me more confidence in my body's capability to birth. Whether that's a full grown baby ready to go or something that wasn't viable and wasn't going to work, my body can do it, yeah.

Rendalyn: 37:31

So I had a wild pregnancy and again, it was easy to do without anyone's opinions or judgments because we were still traveling and nobody really asked about it. I mean, some people did my family, my, some of my sisters or my mom and there was definitely like a layer of apprehension like, oh, that's your, what's your plan? Oh, no plan is how they would see it, you know. But for the most part it was either just like quiet or oh okay, good luck, and that's fine. I was not super supportive, but also not putting their fears or negative comments on me. So that was okay. It was a good pregnancy. I was a little bit more nauseous throughout that one, but nothing too serious, nothing too serious.

Rendalyn: 38:30

I think the big takeaway from that pregnancy was for me learning to stand my ground, because it was kind of a radical choice to not receive care and even with my husband I think he assumed I would be willing to get one ultrasound or see someone at some point one ultrasound or see someone at some point. And I and I think two things he didn't fully trust me and my choices in that and I also wasn't like claiming this is what I'm doing. It was kind of like I'm a I'm a little bit of a passive person. So I would be like well, free birth is really cool. I'm like probably do that Instead of being like this is how it's going to be. You can get on board, or not?

Rendalyn: 39:11

And eventually I did do that, and that was like a breakthrough for both of us, cause he had softened enough to hear it and I had been courageous enough to be like no, really, I know I've been beating around the bush, but this is how I'm doing it. You can be there. I want you to be there, but if you can't, that's fine, I'm still going to do this. And we both came together in that and we're like okay, well then, let's do it. So it was good. We worked through it and came out stronger.

Angela: 39:36

Yeah, really big conversation, you know, with your partner around this.

Rendalyn: 39:41

There were a couple unproductive ones throughout earlier in the pregnancy and then it seriously wasn't until probably seven months pregnant that we that I was like no, really, this is what we're doing. And so, yeah, it was. It was a process. So, yeah, we traveled throughout, made it out West and back, and then we, toward the end of the pregnancy, I'm like we got to. What are we going to do here? Are we going to string more house sits and move around? It was getting a bit exhausting to pack up every few months and go somewhere new. It was fun, but then toward the end it was like okay.

Rendalyn: 40:21

So we looked at where we had family, because we didn't want to be near people we knew once again. And we ended up coming back to Presque Isle, which I never would have thought as a teenager Like I was like get me out of here, this is a small town, I don't care about it, Let me leave. And now I'm back and it's great because it's quiet and simple and I know people have family and friends and it worked out really nicely. So I'm near my parents and it's quiet and simple, and I know people have family and friends, and it worked out really nicely. So and I'm near my parents and it's good. So we came back here in November and lived with my parents for a few weeks while the apartment we were going to rent got finished up and we moved into that apartment December 1st and for my last month of pregnancy and then my baby came January 3rd. So it was a quick like settle in quick and do all my nesting in my new little apartment, and it was wonderful, oh my god, that's so.

Angela: 41:24

That's so amazing. Yeah, so tell me more about your birth experience. How, what was it kind of like in the final, those last final weeks as you're settling into your apartment, as labor was approaching?

Rendalyn: 41:38

it was good I did have. Toward the end I was starting to feel a little bit like a little anxious, like okay, how's this going to go? You know I was. I was okay, I was pregnant with two of my sisters at the same time my sister-in-law and my sister and we were all due within two weeks of each other and they didn't they don't live up here, but we had a group chat going and you know it was exciting. We all found out kind of at the same time and they went December 14th and 15th and then I didn't have my baby till, you know, the third.

Rendalyn: 42:16

So I've that kind of put a little bit of, not pressure from anyone, but just in my mind, like oh, I'm the last one and I ended up being 41 weeks and a day. So it's that extra week, I think that extra week, you know, as if we can measure out when the baby should come. But you know, so I was feeling a little anxious about it, but I would just, I would just check in with myself, like, am I okay? Yeah, I'm okay.

Rendalyn: 42:42

And the blood pressure thing came up for me. I wasn't taking my blood pressure, but I did see I was like visibly puffy, you know, getting a little swollen in the face and legs and how it goes at the end of a pregnancy. So that kind of thing would creep into my mind but I would always just kind of my practice was to sit or lay down and just close my eyes, check in was to sit or lay down and just close my eyes, check in yeah, everything's okay. All these things in my head are literally just in my head from other people's stories, from my own story. Everything's fine. And I would listen to birth affirmations from Yolanda Norris Clark.

Rendalyn: 43:21

She has a good track and those were helpful and had you met naya at this point yeah, well, we've never met in person but I did chat with her through I had joined the free birth society membership, which thank you for bringing that up, because that was super helpful, because that was like my only source of other women doing it the way I was doing it, and so, so, so helpful and healing to hear other women pregnant or giving birth at that time and just being fine, it was okay.

Angela: 43:57

Exactly, yeah, and you can connect with them in real time, right, and it's not just like the podcast, where you're hearing these stories, but you're like able to connect with these other women that are walking these paths, that are at the same level.

Rendalyn: 44:07

Exactly, yes. Yes, that was a big encouragement. And throughout my whole pregnancy because I, of course in that pregnancy I had moments of fear where I'm like, am I going to lose another baby? Especially around that 16 week mark I was, you know, feeling it, just feeling nervous about it. And but just reading these other women's experiences in real time and the conversation back and forth because they would, you know, you can post your own fears in there and people come and back you up and support you, and it was super helpful and so I did.

Rendalyn: 44:43

I did chat with Naya a little bit. She helped me get the paperwork I needed for my daughter's. You did chat with Naya a little bit. She helped me get the paperwork I needed for my daughter's, you know, social security and all that stuff. So it was awesome. And I even considered having her come to the birth, because she was a birth keeper at that time and practicing. But At the same time I was like, oh, she's kind of a few hours away. I feel like I'll probably go quickly anyway. She might miss it, she's, yeah. So I just didn't end up. But it was nice to have that support to try to induce or anything like that or do even just the little, like walk the stairs every day and drink this tea and eat these dates or whatever. I'm like, well, I really am confident that this baby knows when to come and my body knows how to handle that, so I'll just wait.

Rendalyn: 45:40

So I remember the night before I had felt this weird kind of drop and it didn't hurt or anything, it was just different. I had never felt that and I was like, oh, interesting, okay, whatever, go to bed. And sure enough, I woke up, probably around four in the morning, to a contraction, probably around four in the morning, to a contraction. And I remember just like letting it pass and feeling it and I'm like, oh yeah, this is what a contraction feels like. That's familiar, okay, maybe it's going to happen, maybe not Just go back to sleep. So I did, and I did that for maybe an hour or two. I would just kind of wake up here and there and breathe through it and go back to there and breathe through it and go back to sleep and breathe through it and go back to sleep.

Rendalyn: 46:29

And then I think it was probably around six that morning that I had to get out of bed and go to the bathroom and of course that woke up my son and husband. And so I was in the bathroom, went through a few couple contractions on the toilet still nothing too serious. But I was in the bathroom, went through a few couple contractions on the toilet Still nothing too serious. But I was feeling I was starting to feel very spacey and like in a daze. You know, I wasn't conscious of that then, but looking back I'm like, oh yeah, I was like floating through that situation and the plan was to have my mom come and pick up my son and, you know, take care of him throughout the day.

Rendalyn: 47:09

And so when I came out of the bathroom, my husband's like, so what's the plan? Like what are you thinking? And I'm like, oh, yes, the plan. Yeah, he should probably leave, not that he was causing a problem or anything, but you know, didn't want my husband to have to handle both of us or whatever. So, but before he left he was so sweet, my little son. Um, he had just turned two and he was just like snuggling up in my lap and hugging me and just very sweet. And he was too young to really he knew I had a baby in there and everything. But you know he's still super young but he was just so sweet and cuddly with me and it was that was really special.

Rendalyn: 47:48

And then my mom came and I remember my husband saying oh, I'm sure she'll come up and talk to you, and I was like, no, I don't want anyone in here. I love my mom and she was probably the most supportive of my choice in general. So it wasn't that I just like no, no, nobody else needs to be in here, like I'm, I'm in it, I don't even really want to talk to you right now. So they got my son situated and taken and that was nice, to not have to worry about him, and he had a great day with grandma, so I didn't have to worry about that. And then, yeah, I just kind of sat on the edge of my bed and just breathe through them. I wasn't timing them, I have no idea how close they were, but I was. I just remember feeling so sleepy like between each of them I just wanted to lay down and go to sleep and I kind of did, I think. But yeah, I tried laying down and that was kind of uncomfortable. So I just sat back up and my husband he was making coffee and lighting incense and he told me later he was kind of pacing and praying, a little worried, but I didn't sense any of that worry or fear, so I didn't care.

Rendalyn: 49:01

And then at one point I was laying down on my sides on the end of the bed and I felt my water start to leak. I was like, oh OK, it wasn't a big pop or anything, just kind of a trickle. And after that I realized like some something in me was like I have to get on the ground, that I wasn't in pain, nothing was pushing me to do that, but I was like I just need to, I have to do it. And I remember also feeling that pull to do it, but also hesitating because I knew that that meant the baby's coming out and I wasn't fearful. But I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't know if I'm ready, but I got to. I just my body's telling me to, so I have to. So I did.

Rendalyn: 49:47

I got down on my knees, or I had my husband put down some old towels, just like a good pile of them, and I got down on my knees and leaned over the bed onto my you know elbows and forearms, and sure enough, that first contraction in that position was just so low and intense and I think it was the first time I actually like vocalized a little bit and was like, wow, this is really happening. And yeah, there were a few of those types of contractions. And then the pushy ones started happening just very quickly. At this point it's probably 830 or so in the morning. So yeah, I just I didn't try to physically put or voluntarily push, I just let my body do it. And it was intense and I remember my breathing really picked up and my my hands are just holding my face and I'm just like kind of in this dark little space in my own little world and I just remember thinking, wow, my breathing is really crazy right now, cause there was no, no rhythm, no like exercise to breathing at practice. It was just like all over the place. But I again wasn't fearful about it, it was just like noticing oh, it's getting very intense in here. You know this is happening.

Rendalyn: 51:14

And yeah, I started feeling that pressure and the pushes were coming and I remember my husband. He was standing behind or like kneeling behind me and he said, okay, I see the cord, which is the one thing you don't want to hear in that situation. You know the cord prolapse like that's a, an emergency. I mean, all you can really do at that point is, you know, get some help or birth the baby. But he said that and I, thinking about it now, should have been like, oh no, full of fear. But in that moment I just knew first of all, no, I don't think he knows what he's talking about. And to even if it, if it was that, like there's not a lot I can do besides what I'm already doing because I live out in the country. At that point, by the time anyone, an ambulance comes, the baby's going to come out Like it's inevitable.

Rendalyn: 52:12

At this point, but even without all that thought, my main thought was like no, it's not, you don't see a court. So I reached down and it just feels squishy, there's nothing really hanging out or anything. And it turns out I think maybe it was her head coming down. That was just kind of squishy and wrinkly and blue, and my husband doesn't know what to look for. He's just there to support me. He doesn't know all the details. So I think he was just maybe nervous about cord prolapse, because in my first birth, at one of those last appointments, my midwife sprung that on us. We had never, you know, at that point didn't know about that, she was just like, well, look out for this, it could be, it could be fatal. And you need to be aware. And I remember my husband being freaked out by that and I think that carried over to this birth Cause he was like the one thing he knew could go wrong. He, he kind of saw it, but again, it wasn't that.

Angela: 53:10

So yeah, well, that's really interesting, how your mind can do right.

Rendalyn: 53:14

Right for him and for me to just know like no, it's not, it's okay, everything's fine. And it was. So, yeah, I just kept breathing through those pushy contractions. She started crowning Again. I felt like a little bit of that stinging sensation, but it wasn't too bad. And on the last I'd gone through probably maybe seven of those pushy, really high pressure contractions and I think the last one I remember gearing up. I'm like I'm going to actually push on this one because this feeling isn't very fun. This like pressure at the top of my, of my vagina is just like really hurting. So like I'm going to let's see if we can just get this part over with. And so I did. I gave a little bit of a push on that last one and her head came out, which felt amazing, like such relief, you know. And then with the next contraction, again I didn't even push the just body slid right out and was that felt so good, of course, and my husband caught her and kind of set her on the ground and spun her around and kind of slid her under my legs. And by the time he did all that, I was just first looking down anyway. And there she was and she was already crying super loud and, yeah, I just scooped her up and turned around, sat on my bum and held her and I just started laughing. I was like I did it, we did it. I just kept saying that over and over we did it, we did it and it was awesome she was, she was making her sounds and she was covered in vernix, like a lot of vernix and blood and all that good stuff, and I was just on such a high, just like I did it, like I said I was going to do it, and then I did and I feel amazing and, oh man, it was great. It wasn't even at that point about the baby. Like I was just like, yeah, the birth works. Guys, like you could really do this. So it was really beautiful. And my husband was, he took pictures and video and I didn't even remember him doing that, but I'm so grateful that he did, cause they're obviously precious memories I'll always hold close and he was super encouraging. Like you did it, babe. Oh, you did it. And then he he mentioned something about like is it a girl? Like maybe he got caught a glimpse, and I was like, oh yeah, I didn't even think about that and I checked and it was a girl, and that was wonderful. I really I think I was expecting a boy, for whatever reason I don't know, and it was a pleasant, pleasant surprise. We didn't have a name quite yet for her because I was thinking boy the whole time, but we had thrown out a few in the weeks before and when we saw her it was like oh yeah, I think this is Juniper. So we named her Juniper and we use the middle name Ray Lonnie, which is something I've always wanted to use since I was a kid. It's kind of a play off my mother's name, um, ray Lonnie. So, yeah, juniper, ray Lonani. And oh, it was wonderful.

Rendalyn: 56:27

We just kind of sat there on the bloody towels for a while and actually just a few minutes later maybe time is weird in that state, you know but I felt like I think a placenta is going to come out and so I sent my husband to grab a bowl and I gave like a little push and came right out, no problem, didn't need anyone to pull on it, just came right out and so put that in a bowl and moved to the bed and, yeah, just kind of relaxed for a bit. She nursed right away. No problems there. She nursed right away. No problems there. I remember I think I took a shower before we we burned the cord. But I remember taking a shower and feeling so weird to be alone, like no baby in me, no kids around, no, I just like fully alone, and it felt really good. I felt like a new woman, a new mother again, and it was. It was a good, good feeling. And then a few, I don't know, maybe an hour or two later, we burned the cord and you know, essentially just cauterizing it and that was fine. You know, know, nothing too crazy, Just burned it off and then tied it up and that was born right before nine, so five hours.

Rendalyn: 58:07

And my first birth was about labor and birth was six hours. So I just say I'm going to shave off an hour every time. We'll see, but it was, and it really was as I envisioned. I had, throughout that pregnancy, said, you know, my first birth was fairly smooth and straightforward. This one's going to be the same. I did picture it happening all at night, but it was in the morning. That's fine, and it really went as I envisioned.

Rendalyn: 58:35

I remember telling my husband that, like I think it's going to be quick and easy and simple, but I'd always put in, like the but the disclaimer, like maybe it'll be 12 hours, I don't know, you can't predict birth, which is true, you can't like who's to say. But also I knew it would be that way and it was, so I can trust that. You know that was a good lesson for me. But yeah, my mom brought my son over that night, so we had all day just three of us, and then it was really sweet, obviously, introducing my son to her and he was intrigued but kept a distance, you know, just like pointing out her different features, and it was really sweet. And my mom got to see her too that same same day, which was special, yeah.

Angela: 59:22

It was awesome. Oh my gosh, it sounds awesome. So how was your postpartum? Then, after that birth.

Rendalyn: 59:30

It was good my husband was around, for I don't know I can't remember if he had like a week off or something but he was around to help and I just stayed in bed. The way my apartment was at that time was it's small but it's great. It was kind of like a studio apartment so I could just be in bed and keep eyes on my toddler from anywhere. You know he's not going upstairs or downstairs or down the hall, because we didn't have those. So it was pretty easy to just rest and get up when I needed to to make food or whatever. But just yeah, just rested and it was good.

Rendalyn: 1:00:07

I I think I I would have appreciated more food around. I wish I had prepped more or set up or had like a meal train Like I did that first time. So maybe I'll I'll try harder next time to prep things. But it also makes me think of others now when they're having babies to like take a meal, because it seems simple. But it's like food is so important to keep yourself nourished and make that breast milk and all of that, and it's a big part of the day postpartum anytime, but especially postpartum.

Angela: 1:00:40

So yeah, definitely Don't go visit a newly postpartum mother without food. Yes, exactly, Exactly.

Rendalyn: 1:00:44

Don't go visit a newly postpartum mother without food. Yes, exactly, don't go empty handed, right, right. But otherwise, pretty straightforward. I got her paperwork done. That was something I was kind of unsure about because of course with a midwife, they do all that for you forms I needed from Naya and I had talked to a midwife once in the pregnancy about the paperwork and she she was a home birth midwife, down in Ellsworth, I think, and very supportive of free birth, so I, that was good and again connected through Naya, so that was nice. But she was able to write a letter and say that I was pregnant and I did have a baby, because that was one thing. I needed to get her juniper's birth certificate and social security and everything. So good to have those connections when you need them.

Rendalyn: 1:01:35

But yeah, I remember talking on the phone with some woman that works for the state to get this, this paperwork done and she was just like, okay, so have your doctor or have your midwife sign this or do this. I'm like, well, I didn't have one. I well don't you have? Do you have proof of you're pregnant? We need proof of your pregnancy. Do you have a ultrasound or something or other? And I'm like, nope, but I.

Angela: 1:02:01

I can get a letter from a midwife, if that will convince you right, you send me like a screenshot of my photo roll right on my screen, but I can get a letter from a midwife if that will convince you. You want to send me like a screenshot of my photo roll right on my screen.

Rendalyn: 1:02:10

I literally told her I'm like I can send you a picture. I'm naked and covered in blood and holding her like will you believe me? And she said something like okay, we were wrapping up. She's like this baby deserves her paperwork. We need to get this done. And I'm like that's why I'm calling you, like I'm not going totally rogue over here.

Angela: 1:02:29

Like she's doing you some favor, like it's really actually, yeah, not that hard, but you can definitely hurt some of the brains of the people that answer the phone. I think sometimes you have these answers yeah Right, you did what. Yes, can you even do that? That must be a special form. It's not actually Right.

Rendalyn: 1:02:50

I remember going around, you know, just living life afterwards, and my husband was like so proud of me and the whole situation and would just tell anyone and everyone, like a waitress or anyone out in town Like they would comment on the baby, and he'd be like my wife did this at home on her own and people usually just like look shocked. Maybe they're excited, but usually shocked and I'm like I would add on purpose, right, yeah, or like a scary thing he's telling you like it was really great, oh my gosh.

Angela: 1:03:27

so what would you say that like about the difference between your experience birthing with the licensed medical midwives versus completely experiencing pregnancy on your own birth, completely on your own? All of that power, just all yours?

Rendalyn: 1:03:46

well, that is pretty much the answer.

Rendalyn: 1:03:48

I think the control and power that I had in my free birth rather than my birth center birth is everything like.

Rendalyn: 1:04:00

Birth has the potential to be this transformative, incredible experience as it should be, in my opinion but that gets taken away when it's you deferring to a professional, a midwife or an OB or whatever.

Rendalyn: 1:04:19

It just gets taken away, because I felt like in my first pregnancy and birth, I was just going along with what they told me like and deferring to them, like am I doing okay or not? And having someone else tell me, rather than asking myself that and taking care of myself and trusting myself. I think that is a big, the big difference is like learning to trust yourself and owning that the power and also the responsibility, because that's life. You have to take responsibility for your choices and I was prepared to do that and I did, and that is like an experience like none other and has really strengthened me as a mother and as a woman. Just like really owning my stuff and not caring about what other people think or say, Cause it's like they say my body and my choice. So, yeah, definitely, yeah, More power in it when you're doing it on your own how you want to do it.

Angela: 1:05:31

Yeah, yeah, absolutely Now, if you were to give advice to someone who's expecting, or even new parents, what would be the biggest thing you'd want to share?

Rendalyn: 1:05:43

Yes, To expecting parents, especially the women educate yourself. You don't have to just jump along into what everyone else does and go through the expected steps. You know you can. You really can choose what you want and go for it. And I think for me that was a big part of it. And educating myself was important because I had to learn that there were other options, because a lot of people don't even know and like I didn't even know. When I heard that first free birth story, I was like what the heck? Like this is actually a thing and it is, and of course it is. That's why we're all here.

Rendalyn: 1:06:28

Women have been giving birth forever, right, with or without a hospital or a midwife, and yeah. So educate yourselves, open your mind up to how it could be and dream up the birth that you really want and go for it and don't put limits on it. You know, don't settle, don't go with like well, at least it wasn't as bad as so-and-so, or at least it wasn't a C-section or at least no, like it can be awesome, like, let it be awesome, let it be beautiful and simple and comfortable, and yeah, just own it. You know, own it for yourself.

Angela: 1:07:13

Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for coming on today, Rendalyn, and sharing your birth stories. It has been such a pleasure chatting with you.

Rendalyn: 1:07:23

Yes, and thank you for doing what you're doing. I think birth stories were, like like I said, I think, to you earlier, my biggest inspiration and source of information going into motherhood. All kinds of birth stories, the hospital, the midwives, the birth centers and the free births just hearing other stories and realizing what it has the potential to be on both sides. And yeah, it's really important what you're doing, and I love that you're doing it specifically in Maine, because Maine is great.

Angela: 1:07:56

And that's the end of another episode of the my Maine Birth podcast. Thank you for joining me and listening. If you're looking to document your birth story or if you're interested in doula support for your upcoming birth, head over to my website, mymainbirthcom and check out my packages. I'm a certified professional birth photographer and an experienced doula, and I offer in-person services to families throughout the state of Maine, as well as virtual birth coaching worldwide. I want to invite you to grab my top free resource for newly pregnant moms. It's called 37 Questions to Ask your Care Provider, Whether you've already established care or if you're in the process of interviewing new providers. This is for you. Not only are you going to get the questions to ask, but I also share how to assess their answers and the major red flags that you should be looking for. So go grab that. It's at mymainbirthcom slash download. Thank you again for tuning in and I look forward to bringing you more amazing birth stories. Don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review, and I'll see you back here again next week.